ISeeRed

I used to live in Melbourne and there was a band knocking around called 'The Fish John West Reject', which always made me smile. Plus a couple of others called 'This Is Serious Mum' (TISM, if you want to YouTube them...) and 'The Von Trapp Family Crisis'...

New Rose is surely their best song?

The 'men wearing Ugg Boots' discussion made me think of this. I once went on holiday to Chicago and it was pretty bloomin' cold, but the thing I remember most was seeing some local guys walking about the city centre wearing white fluffy ear muffs. Is it me, or should this sort of thing be a complete no-no, no matter how cold it gets? I mean, wear a beanie, cap or deerstalker, but surely not just white fluffy ear muffs...

I've been there quite a bit & Munich and Berlin would be the must-see places for me. Tons of history/culture and beer in both. Take your pick. Also, if you can find out why they place a foot long schlong in a tiny bun, let me know...

I'd recommend 'Alice In Wonderland.' Now, don't mock unless you've actually read it as an adult... A friend suggested I should buy it, and it's like some sort of drug-fuelled fantasy... I'm not kidding. Hopefully someone will come on here & back me up. Curiouser and curiouser...

Lost Continent is ace!

At my workplace we're running a secret Santa thingy, whereby (as I'm sure you know) you pick a name from a hat and have to buy the person you've drawn a present, to be handed over (anonymously) at the Christmas party. The budget is just £5 and I've managed to draw a Scottish girl. What should I get her?? I'm thinking about buying a haggis, but is it the done thing to get something perishable in this situation, or should I get her something (e.g. a book of Burns' poemzzz or CD of awful bagpipe music) that will still be here in 100 yrs time? I need help!

Can someone help me out with the post-its? OK, I think we all know by now that Ted is gay, but what is that doodle underneath? And, I can't make out anything from those fuzzy yellow post-its in the hinterland....

You breathe in oxygen via your lungs. The heart pumps blood to the lungs, where it (the blood) picks up oxygen & returns to the heart. The heart then pumps this (oxygen-rich) blood round the body, supplying all the vital organs and tissues with oxygen. Then, once this oxygen has been delivered to the vital organs and tissues, it returns to the heart. The heart then pumps this (oxygen-depleted) blood back to the lungs, where it (the blood) picks up more oxygen and returns to the heart. And so the cycle is repeated. That's what happens in a healthy person. However, if the heart is not pumping at maximum efficiency, the blood flow can get sluggish when it's pumped towards the lungs. This sluggishness of the blood flow can result in some fluid leaking out from the blood stream into the lungs, thus preventing the normal transfer of oxygen to the blood. This condition (excess fluid leaking out in the lungs) is known as 'pulmonary oedema.' People with severe pulmonary oedema thus have too much fluid in the lungs, which prevents the normal transfer of oxygen to the blood stream (i.e. similar to drowning due to the lungs being full of fluid). Seems like this poor chap died from pulmonary oedema. Hope this makes sense, and I hope he rests in peace.

I'm tipping you don't come home from the pub and drunkenly stagger towards your bed too much?

About 4 rashers of smoked bacon (fried or grilled) 2 fried eggs 2 sausages A scoop of baked beans A decent portion of mushrooms (fresh ones cooked in butter, not those briney things you often get) A few grilled tomatoes (not the tinned stuff) 2 slices of buttered toast Tea Orange juice That's it. No black pudding. Black pudding is congealed blood, and has no place on your plate. Also, no pipetting drops of fancy stuff onto the eggs, which I think I saw Heston Blumenthal doing when he tarted up the Little Chef Olympic breakky (not that I wouldn't mind trying his version of it, mind you).

How many of these were actually brewed in the country of origin? I really don't like it when you, for example, buy some 'Jamaican' Red Stripe lager, then read the small print & discover it was brewed under licence in the UK...

I once spent some time in Australia & got very pissed in a pub one night & told my (Australian) companions I was going to have a crack at the barmaid. 'Don't touch her, mate, she's a bushpig,' was the comment I remember most... Anyway, I went up to the bar and, with stunning originality, asked the lady in question if she'd like a drink. 'Yes, but not with you' was the reply. I returned to my seat to howls of laughter from pretty much the entire pub. OK, I know this technically doesn't qualify as me having 'ploughed' her, but you get the gist...

Are you going to drive over this thing? I'd pay a toll to drive over that. I'd also count the number of clouds the car had driven through, and once it reached 9 would say to my companion, 'I'm on cloud nine.'

Crowded House. Neil Finn is the musical genius's musical genius. Mind you, having said that, don't touch the 'Time On Earth' album they put out after reforming. Get the first four albums, or the greatest hits CD.

I need help. I'm really confused about what kind of potatoes to use, whether they should be partially boiled & roughed up first, if goose fat should be involved, temp of oven & how long they should be in there for...

I would so like to meet someone whose first name is 'Beatles'... Incidentally (and this is not intended to be disrespectful to the guy who lost his wife), shouldn't this pair have called themselves Chav 'n' Dave?

Actually my previous post logically means I've often dined on pig's fanny, so I'm not entirely sure I'm one to talk... Which begs the question: if it's genetalia, why does it taste so good?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that'd be pig penis, then...

I love sausages as much as the next man, but must admit the comments on here about them being minced arses, balls and penises have made me think twice about putting them in my mouth. Anyway, I have a question. WTF do the Germans give you such a small bun when you buy a bratwurst from one of their sausage stands?

Here is my dietary advice: Breakfast: cereal, toast, bagels, tea, coffee, orange juice, eggs, bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, sausages, kippers, haddock, pizza, pastries, bananas - whatever you want, really. You need to fill up for the day ahead. Dinner: Plenty of sandwiches with your favourite filling, irrespective of calories. Eat crisps if you're still not full. If you're really desperate you could try some fruit, but I wouldn't recommend it. As for pudding, drink a nice cup of filter coffee whilst allowing a large piece of chocolate to melt on your tongue. Tea: Lager Seriously, I've tested this out and it works! It vaguely matches up with the standard healthy advice to eat all the heavy stuff early in the day (so you have time to work it off) and to have something light in the evening. The secret is to have a reasonably empty stomach for the tea-time lager session, which will allow you to get pissed quite quickly, fall asleep on the sofa at home, snore your head off & precipitate an expensive divorce. Simples! P.S. I'm here for you if anyone needs further advice/counselling regarding relationships or what to eat.

Is it me, or does this look like a bunch of fat maggots feeding on a pale turd?

I went to Norway once. I saw Edvard Munch's 'Scream,' some sort of ski jump thingy & the theatre in Oslo with Ibsen's statue outside. I quite like the way you can start speaking English to anyone, anywhere in any Scandanavian country (without even apologising for the fact you can't speak the local lingo), only to find they can speak in your native tongue better than you... And the local girls are pretty gorgeous, too.

As Unrighteaous said, Prague is well worth a visit if you can fit it in. Beautiful architecture, decent beer & cheap, too, by European standards.

I don't wish to be picky, but shouldn't the title of this thread be 'Arse!'?' Don't get me wrong - 'ass' is all well and good in its place (i.e. America) but I prefer the wholesomeness, if not earthiness, of a good old-fashioned ARSE.