Crap films that you buzz off

[Harry Squatter]

Commando - far fetched, OTT but funny due to Arnie being up against a chainmail wearing Freddy Mercury lookalike saying "Jaahn, i'll be ready Jaaahhn"

 

Krull - ridiculously weird and had Mark Fowler in it pre AIDS

 

Beastmaster - running round over rocks in leather skiddies then a blind man saying "No one must ever hear of this"

 

Delta Force - Chuck Norris blowing up arabs with rocket launchers from government issued motorbikes.

 

Candyman - basically a story about Purple Aki from Crosby born Clive Barker.

 

Kickboxer - Jean Claude Van Damme going round everywhere in Thailand saying "I want to fight Tong Po" then getting buzzed off by all the Thai's and Man City's new owner.

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

Porkys, shite film but had me cackling with laughter in a couple of places and puts me in a good mood when I see it every few years.

[05 Milan]

Arnold made some gems in his early career. "Hercules in New York" and "The Villain" are my favourites.

 

I love the scene in Commando when Arnie steals the red sports car with no roof, he looks like gorilla driving a go-cart!

[Harry Squatter]

Arnold made some gems in his early career. "Hercules in New York" and "The Villain" are my favourites.

 

I love the scene in Commando when Arnie steals the red sports car with no roof, he looks like gorilla driving a go-cart!

 

Defo - and he drives the Porsche that has been in a smash then drives it away without any damage, quality panel beating.

 

Flash Gordon as well, the guy off Blue Peter getting bitten by the tree beast and everything just being overly camp and gay.

 

Top Gun - gayest campest film of all time, who'd be late for a date with a then fit Kelly McGillis because you were playing volleyball on the beach with a bunch of fellas to the tune "Playing with the boys"??

[Ted]

Monster Squad.

Howard The Duck.

The original Turtles trilogy.

Moonwalker.

[The-Sir]

Waterworld - its so crap its actually quite good.

[Dicko]

The shittest film ever surely has to be Max Headroom!

What the fuck is that all about?

[GUS]

I will second Hercules In New York

 

Has anyone seen King Kong Escapes? A mechanical King Kong Robot which digs for jewels breaks down so an evil Doctor gets the real King Kong to do it instead but then King Kong and the robot Kong do battle and level Tokyo. Something like that anyway. Its a right load of bollocks but fantastic too.

[Neil G]

Escape to Victory.

[Harry Squatter]

Havent seen that King Kong film - just looked it up on Wikipedia and it sounds genius though.

[Guest PaddyBerger15]

I will second Hercules In New York

 

Has anyone seen King Kong Escapes? A mechanical King Kong Robot which digs for jewels breaks down so an evil Doctor gets the real King Kong to do it instead but then King Kong and the robot Kong do battle and level Tokyo. Something like that anyway. Its a right load of bollocks but fantastic too.

 

Is right mate, as is King Long v Godzilla and all the old Japanese Godzilla films, wankety wank, but because they are so basic, they're actually good! I love 'Monster Movies' and 'Creature Features'.

[Harry Squatter]

Clash of the Titans

[grazywalker]

They Live - shit si fi film that rules above the earth.

Defo Clash of the Titans

[Sut]

Road House.

"For twenny bucks... you can kiss em!"

[Harry Squatter]

Roadhouse defo - mullets a gogo and Sam Elliot as the "best" bouncer in the business. Full of corny lines like "It's my way or the highway" "Pain don't hurt"

 

They live is genius - only saw it last week and pissed myself laughing when he goes into the bank with his shades on to shoot all the aliens. The fight in the alleyway lasted longer than Everton moaning about Heysel.

[Harry Squatter]

Try this site:

 

http://www.ruthlessreviews.com/80actionguide.cfm

[Strontium]

Flash Gordon as previously mentioned

 

Teen Agent is even crapper and even better though

[theghost]

The Sum of All Fears.

[Ted]

That fight in They Live was on pause wasn't it? It was going that slow.

[Faustus]

That Kenan and Kel film from ages ago.

 

Was so shit that it was actually funny.

[Malarkey]

Commando - far fetched, OTT but funny due to Arnie being up against a chainmail wearing Freddy Mercury lookalike saying "Jaahn, i'll be ready Jaaahhn"

 

Krull - ridiculously weird and had Mark Fowler in it pre AIDS

 

Beastmaster - running round over rocks in leather skiddies then a blind man saying "No one must ever hear of this"

 

Delta Force - Chuck Norris blowing up arabs with rocket launchers from government issued motorbikes.

 

Candyman - basically a story about Purple Aki from Crosby born Clive Barker.

 

Kickboxer - Jean Claude Van Damme going round everywhere in Thailand saying "I want to fight Tong Po" then getting buzzed off by all the Thai's and Man City's new owner.

 

You'll love this one mate.

 

http://emuse.ebaumsworld.com/flash/play/1876/

[Duff Man]

Tango & Cash

[Stouffer]

The Land Before Time

[05 Milan]

Tango & Cash

 

Very good shout!

[Wig]

That Kenan and Kel film from ages ago.

 

Was so shit that it was actually funny.

 

Ha ha yer, 'Good Burger' I think it was called.