The New Cricket Thread

[Dan Vito Corleone]

This whole NRR thing is a bit distasteful. I'd sooner see teams seperated by who has hit the most sixes. I won't complain because this is helping England no end as we will qualify at a canter, but this is a stitch up for Pakistan. 

[lifetime fan]

Plunkett with a wicket from a filthy ball. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

4 minutes ago, Agt Provocateur said:

This whole NRR thing is a bit distasteful. I'd sooner see teams seperated by who has hit the most sixes. I won't complain because this is helping England no end as we will qualify at a canter, but this is a stitch up for Pakistan. 

Not really mate, all teams knew what the score was before hand and Pakistan let themselves down by getting beat heavily in their first game against the Windies. The net RR won't help England at all, they'll be on 12 points and alone in 3rd where they'll stay. 

[Dan Vito Corleone]

England will be staying 3rd but I meant because the Black Caps are concentrating on their NRR and not beating us. They have chosen to dig in and look after the NRR and that has suited us because we're going to win. 

[Captain Turdseye]

I heard the commentators saying earlier that the semis are 1st vs 4th and 2nd vs 3rd. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

1 minute ago, Agt Provocateur said:

England will be staying 3rd but I meant because the Black Caps are concentrating on their NRR and not beating us. They have chosen to dig in and look after the NRR and that has suited us because we're going to win. 

Gotcha. TBF they probably only decided to do that after they lost early wickets due to good bowling. Pakistan can probably point to the rained off game between NZ and India meaning NZ most probably have been on one less point meaning Pakistan could qualify with a win. As I have already said, that massive defeat against the Windies cost them as far as RR goes, plus they were involved in a few tight wins which failed to improve it. 

[Guest Pistonbroke]

1 minute ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I heard the commentators saying earlier that the semis are 1st vs 4th and 2nd vs 3rd. 

Yes mate. 1 v 4 next Tuesday at Old Trafford. 3 v 4 at Edgbaston on Thursday. Each semi has a reserve day should the weather intervene. 

[TheBitch]

So if we have a double headed coin and don’t call tails on the toss we bat first in the semi and the final and we win the damn thing, yeah?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Just now, TheBitch said:

So if we have a double headed coin and don’t call tails on the toss we bat first in the semi and the final and we win the damn thing, yeah?

Depends who is classed as the away team and gets to call the toss mate. 

[Pureblood]

1 hour ago, Pistonbroke said:

Bet TK is enjoying this with a nice cold pint of nectar. 

Just the one, I'm driving.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

6 minutes ago, TK421 said:

Just the one, I'm driving.

 

Enjoyable day for you nonetheless, especially after a good performance. 

 

All over now, bit of a bumming for the Kiwi's that. Good performance from England who now have a whole weeks rest before the Semi. TBH I was flapping a bit when it became apparent they needed to win against India and NZ, done well. 

[lifetime fan]

Listening to TMS sat in the garden. 

 

Some of the alternative suggestions to NRR sent in from listeners has been brilliant. 

[lifetime fan]

Fucking double post. 

[Captain Howdy]

Great win

[Dan Vito Corleone]

Very good win that, not that I am especially surprised. We're better than New Zealand. We've come back from the brink with 2 huge performances and we need to prepare ourselves to be asked to bat second because if we lose a toss, that's what will be happening. Nobody wants to 100 on the board after 12 overs but that's what happens every time we bat first. It's great. 

[johnsusername]

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/sport/2019/07/english-cricket-only-has-itself-blame-forgotten-world-cup

 

The article forgets to mention Channel 4's abysmal late night highlights show. 

[Jairzinho]

India then Australia. Piece of piss.

[Vincent Vega]

5 minutes ago, johnsusername said:

https://www.newstatesman.com/politics/sport/2019/07/english-cricket-only-has-itself-blame-forgotten-world-cup

 

The article forgets to mention Channel 4's abysmal late night highlights show. 

To be fair to Channel 4 they aren’t allowed to show any highlights until 3 hours after the last ball was bowled. Not sure any other channel would have done anything different.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I see Sky have blocked any chance of the final being free to air. Cunts. I'd love to send that old twat Murdoch an e-mail with a list of all the sports I've watched using streams, and a picture of himself nailed to a rusty cross. 

[Captain Howdy]

Just watching the verdict, Courtney Walsh has aged

[Pureblood]

Fucking hell, that was all a bit stressful.  Not the match, obviously, which was plain sailing but my dad couldn't keep his gob shut and caused a right old fuss.

 

So those two Kiwi blokes I mentioned earlier are getting slowly pissed.  They're not watching the game and the conversation is irritating me, as it's constant, but I let it slide as I'm that type of guy.  Then, at about midday, two female Kiwis show up.  One of them is fit (Nicola) and the other one is not (Hayley).  There are people already sat in Nicola and Hayley's seats, in the row in front of us, so they move and the two ladies take their seats which are rightfully theirs.  No problems, everything carries on as normal and the atmos is good.

 

The two Kiwi blokes to my left immediately clock onto Nicola and Hayley and spark up some general conversation.  They are all getting on well and getting gradually more pissed as the day goes on, so naturally the volume level goes up and up.  Hayley has a bit of a gob on her and is in more or less constant conversation with the Kiwi sat in the seat immediately next to me on my left.  The conversation is loud, constant and cutting right across my line of vision so it's impossible not to be affected by their behaviour.  Hayley pretty much had her back turned to the match as she's chatting on and on with this guy.  I think she was hoping for a bit of sausage time later on.  The little rant that Lizzie Birdsworth had in the other thread about people who are completely unaware of the influence their behaviour has on surrounding people crosses my mind, but I let it slide as I'm that type of guy, intending to have a little rant it about to my dad on the way home. 

 

My dad clearly isn't handling it as well as me and I can sense the frustration growing within him.   He makes a couple of discrete comments about how pissed/loud they are to me, and I just agree politely.  However I am getting concerned that his frustration will boil over and eventually, at about 4.30pm, it does.  So he says to Hayley "do you come with a volume control"?  "No I don't.  Am I loud?", she replies.  "Yes", says dad.  Hayley turns around to face the match, then turns to Nicola and says "why always me?".  Nicola says "it's not always you, it's really not.  Ignore him".  And tries to reassure her.  But I see a little stream of a tear rolling down Hayley's cheek, and straight away I just felt gutted for her.  She looks distraught and promptly fucks off out of the stand and away down the steps.  Nicola turns around and has a right go at my dad.  The lawyer in me, hoping to mediate, chips in and I say "look, he had a right to say something but I agree he could have been more polite about it".  But the damage has been done and Nicola is having none of it. 

 

People around us become aware of the dispute and some gammon-faced fuck a couple rows in front turns around to me and says "are you having a go at her?".  I say "no, I'm just sticking up for my dad", who is getting a bit distressed.  There are a few other Kiwis dotted around and they're all calling my dad "asshole" etc.  A couple of the England fans are in agreement with them and the mood has turned very sour.  Nicola tries to ring Hayley on the mobile, but she has left it next to her seat.  So she goes off to try and find her, several times, but each time she comes back and says she can't find her.  As she takes her seat she's saying stuff like "we're Kiwis, loud and proud, ignore the asshole behind.  Absolute asshole".  And so on.  She has a big New Zealand flag with her so during every delivery she holds it aloft and now me and my dad can't see any deliveries as they are bowled.  The row behind us can't see either, so then one of them pipes up and says "cut that out love, I can't see anything".  Nicola reluctantly agrees to stop with the flag-waving, but continues to make a series of comments directed at us whilst dad is calling her a silly cow under his breath.   Then she starts talking about how Hayley has mental health issues.  And all I want is Hayley to be found so I can give her a bit of a TK hug and tell her to forget about my dad's comment, but she is nowhere to be seen.

 

After the 8th wicket goes down we leave to a few more jibes. 

 

Fuck me, cricket shouldn't be that stressful.  

[Dan Vito Corleone]

Good on your dad for lasting until 4:30pm. I would have been like that at 10:31am. 

[Jairzinho]

Should have told the Aussie cunts to rack off.

[Captain Howdy]

1 hour ago, Agt Provocateur said:

Good on your dad for lasting until 4:30pm. I would have been like that at 10:31am. 

This, had a similar experience at Old Trafford a few years back and I flounced out, always regretted it

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Hayley was probably getting banged in the bogs off some smooth sympathiser out for a sticky wicket.