Corporate bellendary at work.

[Section_31]

duplicate post!!!  

[moof]

He looks quite dapper, I reckon. Cool guy

[Rico1304]

Me and the wife play a game, it's called "You'dlook a cunt in that" when we go shopping she points something, says the magic phrase and I have to try it on. I'd really look,a cunt in all those outfits.

 

(Please try not to score the open goal, have more respect for yourself)

[Redder Lurtz]

Fucking turnups on that fucker.

[Stu Monty]

Wtactualf.

 

We cannot tolerate this. It's a slippery slope.

[Section_31]

[Anubis]

He looks like he's dressed for a Southern Comfort commercial. I bet you he calls it 'SoCo' as well.

[SilverSong]

We cannot tolerate this. It's a slippery slope.

Accepted. Thankyou for stopping my descent, the abyss was looming.

[General Dryness]

He looks quite dapper, I reckon. Cool guy

 

Do not contribute to the continuing cuntification of humanity.

[Mook]

Not really corporate but see signing people's leaving cards, I hate it. I read the messages that are already there & I feel a bit sick looking at them, people who couldn't stand each other writing little in-jokes, drawing smileys & referencing anecdotes that are about as funny as stubbing your fucking toe.

 

I always just write, 'best of luck, from Mook' unless I didn't like them in which case I won't sign it or contribute to their leaving present because I'm not a massive hypocrite & I get loads of stick for it as well, "Is that all you're going to write?".

 

Bollocks.

[Sweeney287]

Have just received this in part of an email:

 

"Thousands of thanks for this. You have been instrumental in driving this project that will enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of the operations, that will result into an improved service delivery to our customers  and better cooperation and alignment between the business units"

 

Just fuck off.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Have just received this in part of an email:

 

"Thousands of thanks for this. You have been instrumental in driving this project that will enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of the operations, that will result into an improved service delivery to our customers  and better cooperation and alignment between the business units"

 

Just fuck off.

 

Could be summarised as 'you all did your job. thanks.'

[Mad Erik]

Recently, whenever I have sensed a conversation drift towards the realms of corporate bellendary, I've taken to simply quoting from the Day Today and any other Chris Morris stuff...

 

Today I managed to get a 'proof, if proof be need be' in, along with a 'and as you know, when I come to the buffet of truth, I bring a large plate'.

 

Nobody batted an eyelid, either time.

[Section_31]

Thousands of thanks? Who is he Ali Baba?

[Bob]

I got an email today from a bloke in Belgium who had been given my name by one of his colleagues in the uk part of the company he works for, it said:

 

Based on internal communication from 'Blokes Name' I need to reach out via this channel to obtain a quote & offer for delivering a transportation audit.

 

The client is actually internal 'Client Name'. See our gap analysis attached.

 

Please revert back assap.

 

 

I immediately wripped him to the people around me. It was suggested that it was ok because English isn't his first language.

 

I said - quite wittily I thought - that Management Speak would have to be his first language to get away with that shite.

 

My translation:

 

Blokes Name gave me your details so I'm emailing to get a quote for a transportation audit.

 

I'd be grateful if you could come back to me asap. (note, only one S required).

 

Disgusting. Revert back? What the fuck does that mean?

[Section_31]

When he says reach out via this channel does he mean the English channel?

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I got an email today from a bloke in Belgium who had been given my name by one of his colleagues in the uk part of the company he works for, it said:

 

Based on internal communication from 'Blokes Name' I need to reach out via this channel to obtain a quote & offer for delivering a transportation audit.

 

The client is actually internal 'Client Name'. See our gap analysis attached.

 

Please revert back assap.

 

 

I immediately wripped him to the people around me. It was suggested that it was ok because English isn't his first language.

 

I said - quite wittily I thought - that Management Speak would have to be his first language to get away with that shite.

 

My translation:

 

Blokes Name gave me your details so I'm emailing to get a quote for a transportation audit.

 

I'd be grateful if you could come back to me asap. (note, only one S required).

 

Disgusting. Revert back? What the fuck does that mean?

I genuinely hope something really bad happens to him and his loved ones.

[Section_31]

I genuinely hope something really bad happens to him and his loved ones.

To be fair he already lives in Belgium. France with strawberry beer.

[Champ]

Thousands of thanks? Who is he Ali Baba?

He must be a she. Shirley?

[Anubis]

Have just received this in part of an email:

 

"Thousands of thanks for this. You have been instrumental in driving this project that will enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of the operations, that will result into an improved service delivery to our customers and better cooperation and alignment between the business units"

 

Just fuck off.

That's a pretty shitty redundancy notice.

[Champ]

Have just received this in part of an email:

 

"Thousands of thanks for this. You have been instrumental in driving this project that will enhance the efficiency and effectiveness of the operations, that will result into an improved service delivery to our customers  and better cooperation and alignment between the business units"

 

Just fuck off.

 

Is English their first language?

[Sweeney287]

He's French, so even more of an excuse to not like him

[Rico1304]

Each year we have an employee survey, last year it was limited to 500 employees across the business as there's no need to ask everyone, it's the most efficient way to do it, results are accurate. This year everyone is included as it's important to get all opinions, dip testing may not be accurate.

 

Which is it?

[lifetime fan]

The fucks a 'coffee interview'?

[lifetime fan]

Each year we have an employee survey, last year it was limited to 500 employees across the business as there's no need to ask everyone, it's the most efficient way to do it, results are accurate. This year everyone is included as it's important to get all opinions, dip testing may not be accurate.

 

Which is it?

We used to have one every year when I was working for the NAS, it was supposed to be anonymous.

 

First question, job title?

 

Deputy Manager. All one of me.

 

Fucking idiots.