Describe your day in the form of a poem, song or rap

[Simbo]

The alarm went off at about quarter past 5,

My eyelids felt heavy, am I dead or alive?

The missus wakes up and rolls out of bed,

Come back bitch I demand morning head,

Ive woken up with serious wood,

I contemplate a wank, I would if I could,

But I cant because its half past the hour,

I need to get up and jump in the shower,

I stand under the water, it’s a little too hot,

Time to blow my nose, get rid of the snot,

Lime green mucus with a few spots of blood,

Never ending bogies, so much it might flood,

Time to get out and grab the nearest towel,

What an inappropriate time to want to empty my bowel,

I think I’ll wait until I get into work,

Getting paid whilst I shit, a dump with a perk,

I chuck on my clothes and jump in the car,

A short trip up the road, works not very far,

I sit down at work, grab my Liverpool mug,

A nice cup of tea, a warm caffeine hug,

Before I know it a few hours have past,

Bashing out numbers, this job is a farce,

Time for my sandwich, chicken mayo with corn,

My job is so shit, I wish I was never born,

Out of the office and on my way to lunch,

Feel proper stressed, where’s a granny to punch?,

To the post office to send off a packet,

Its colder than I thought, wish I had worn my jacket,

Now im back at my desk, typing a pointless poem,

A couple more hours and a’home I’ll be goin’

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

*steps backwards*

 

*steps backwards again*

 

*doesn't blink or breath*

 

*steps backwards*

 

*steps backwards again*

 

*hopes Simbo doesn't see him leave*

[Pony Princess]

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning

Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs

Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal

Seein' everything, the time is goin'

Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'

Gotta get down to the bus stop

Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

 

Kickin' in the front seat

Sittin' in the back seat

Gotta make my mind up

Which seat can I take?

 

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway

Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly

Fun, fun, think about fun

You know what it is

I got this, you got this

My friend is by my right, ay

I got this, you got this

Now you know it

[Guest TK-421]

PSN is down

What a load of balls

Time to eat

[RedinSweden]

Meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting

[Woo]

This is, in no way, shape or form, stolen from that Will Smith show.

 

In West Sham Sui Po, born and raised,

In the sweatshop, is where I spent most of my days,

Making fake t-shirts whilst still in nappies and droolin’,

then was forced to make fake trainers when I should have been in school,

When a couple of traids, who were up to no good,

Decided to take control of our neighbourhood,

I got in one karate fight and my sensei got scared,

And said Woo-san, I’m sending you on a boat to the land of the liverbird ,

I jumped out of boat when it got to the Mersey,

And made me a living selling fake Liverpool jerseys,

Looked at my kingdom I was finally there,

And when China takes over the world, I’ll make myself the major.

[Pony Princess]

Seriously though, Haiku (I think - 5 7 5 syllables?)

 

Travel to New Brighton

Take pics of bro who lies down

In return for food

[odris]

Sitting on a train

Insane in the membrane.

[Trumo]

I'm bored

I met the chairman of the board

I'm a lengthy monologue

I'm livin' like a dog

I'm bored

[Anny Road]

Is this the fucking gay forum all of a sudden. Poems you big gang of homos. Get a grip of yourselves before you completely ruin this once fine forum.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My day has been shit,

Ever so shit,

Fuck this shit,

I'm away for a poo.

[odris]

Is this the fucking gay forum all of a sudden. Poems you big gang of homos. Get a grip of yourselves before you completely ruin this once fine forum.

 

Since when have poems been gay? This thread cheered me up, especially that one guy who said Insane in the membrane, legend.

[Guest TK-421]

Is this the fucking gay forum all of a sudden. Poems you big gang of homos. Get a grip of yourselves before you completely ruin this once fine forum.

 

That didn't rhyme and the prose left me desiring more, to be honest. Try again.

[Anny Road]

Since when have poems been gay? This thread cheered me up, especially that one guy who said Insane in the membrane, legend.

 

Poems are gay FACT. Like flowers.

Try this out next time you go out for a few pints with your mates. Hey lads tell me about your day but in a poem.

 

Why not through the medium of dance. We could video it and upload them.

[Scousa Tomo]

There's match reports, forums and arcades,

and stirzy has got shithouse aids.

And I think we've deduced

that there is no excuse,

You're a cunt if your names Stirzy.

 

There's the famous TLW clique.

Stirzy's a bad fucking freak.

And who woulda thunk,

dabbing after u spunk,

can clean Stirzy's mums bum cheek.

 

Our resident captain Turdseye,

is a transgender ginger bogeye.

He puts his balls inside pie,

easy to make him cry,

but his face fucking obscene.

 

Stirzy posts chatting total wank.

go on his estate u need a tank.

Talk about your roughest mum,

like an industrial dumpster full of cum,

Ders nofink rong wiv speke you crank.

 

Melons, SKI and AVEEZ,

are sometimes subjected to sleaze.

Had less sex than a plant,

Stirzy cant afford deodorant,

So instead he uses febreeze.

 

There's a fella called captain turdseye,

who most people think is a turd guy.

Stirzys a ginge,

his mum loves the minge,

and Tomos big dick made her cry.

 

I love the thread on bullshit.

Or Stirzys homepage as we call it.

And let me introduce,

our friend From Speke,

who sucks on the balls of Gary Glitter.

 

If you see a Stirzy in a mood,

your thread is basically screwed.

But if your day has been a baddy,

you know can see Stirzys daddy,

can cheer you up with his kids in the nude.

 

Every year there's Speke slag.

Stirzys photos make us gag.

The best part of FF threads,

Spekes full of inbreds,

but reading the bottom for the tag.

 

So this was my ode to the site.

Stirzy loves the taste of shite.

freshly licked from a bumring,

always see him begging.

so give him a shit flavoured penis dont be tight.

[RedKnight]

It's like a Big Brother challenge this.

[Bobby Hundreds]

I think, therefore where the fuck are all my socks.

[Simbo]

Meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting meeting

 

Is that to the tune of Badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger, badger?

[Indian Red]

Simbo`s OP was excellent

[MOGLET]

I looked out from the window above

I could see a dove, it was feeding

Then across the field was a cow

My target for now, It was bleeding

 

All I needed was another shot

All I needed was to hit the spot

 

Then my job was done

With my gun

 

DEFRA DEFRA DE E EFRA DE E EFRA DE DE DE DE E EFRA

 

 

Tomorrow will be more of the same

But who takes the blame, its the Tories

They dont like the cattle to dance

They wont take the chance, too many stories

 

 

 

All they wanted was a normal cow

Sadly they have got one now

 

 

Shot cooked and looking great

On my plate

 

 

 

DEFRA, to fade.

 

 

 

(Sung to Only You by Yazoo)

[Dan]

woke up this morning,lay in my bed

after a while i was bored out of my head

went to the bookies and placed a few bets

lost lots of money,that didnt make sense,

so i made my way home not a cent to my wallet

then i came home and found a fiver in my pocket

so i made my way up to ladbrokes again,

with high hopes and a fiver in my wallet again,

*ootball sheet,*essi to score first,*arca 2-0

thank you kind sir..

made my way home with a grin on my face,

turned ITV on and watched the game...

cheered for the catalans and an argentine gem

the rest is just history and i have money again.

 

sorry for the *ootball references but it is what i done today

[rondeco]

She looked at me and smiled that smile.

I'm sorry. No hot chicken left.

Cunt.

[Simbo]

That gave me goosebumps, Rondeco.

 

Just beautiful.

[Paulie Dangerously]

A fat girl I banged text at five past six

Phone wasn't on silent so I shit bricks

Deleted the message I don't know what it said

Prolly asking to give me some head

 

Saw a box of pizza on the floor

Had it for my breakfast, cold chips and all

Ice cold lemo in a can

Dressed in my jedi rob, I'm the man

 

Finally watching "there will be blood"

Daniel Day Lewis was very good

Contemplating going on a long bike ride

Get further then 10k for male pride

[King Emlyn]

I'm bored

I met the chairman of the board

I'm a lengthy monologue

I'm livin' like a dog

I'm bored

can't beat a bit of Iggy