S.T.Ds

[Whollier]

That's Sexually Transmitted Diseases for the uninitiated.

 

I have recently been informed, by an acquaintance of the female variety, with whom I engaged in a few bouts of illicit carnal relations, that she has tested positive for an S.T.D.

 

What advice can forumites offer in this matter? Have you had any experience of these diseases? Which are the most fun to have, which possess the most street cred and which are most to be feared?

[Trumo]

Make sure your cock doesn't turn green and fall off. That's a sign that you might have bad AIDS.

[Fugitive]

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[clockspeed]

At least she gave you warning on a sliding scale what you want to have is

 

thrush----irritating

warts---- pesky

shyp/gorn/HIV+------- doom and gloom

 

so treatment goes from cream to buring off to serious medication and possibly death

 

 

Anyway if you make trip to clinic for one of the more minor ailments then they will offer a free HIV test my advise is take it.

 

Also you will see a serious amount of fit women in the waiting room not just slags that have the pox

[Guest PurpleNose]

Good scrub should fix it. Wouldn't worry about it.

[Jennings]

A...ahem...friend of mine contracted one of these ailments. He made an appointment at the STD clinic at the local hospital. Only when he turned up did he realise that he didn't know where abouts the STD clinic was. In fact the hospital is split over several sites, so it was possible he was not even in the correct building.

 

Anyway, he confidently strode up to the enquiries desk. An elderly gentleman was performing the role of receptionist.

"Hello", said my friend. Let's call him Dennings.

"Hullo", said the old gentleman in a far back and aristocratic accent.

"Can you direct me to the STD clinic?" Denings whispered, trying to keep his voice down, as there was an electrician working on the fire alarm system not far behind the elderly gentleman.

"THE WHAT?" said the elderly gentleman cupping his hand to his ear.

"The STD clinic?" said Dennings still quietly.

"STD!" yelled the elderly gentleman confused.

The electrician dropped his scredriver and coughed as though stifling a laugh.

"Yes." Said Dennings "It stands for sexually transmitted disease."

"OH. I THOUGHT YOU MEANT STANDARD. I WAS THINKING...STANDARD...STANDARD...WE DONT HAVE A STANDARD CLINIC." he laughed loudly, "YOU WANT GENITO-URINARY. That way."

The electrician had left the room by now, unble to control his coughing. And a queue which had formed behind Dennings all appeared to have caught the cough, as Dennings dejectedly walked past, head bowed.

[Dan]

That's Sexually Transmitted Diseases for the uninitiated.

 

I have recently been informed, by an acquaintance of the female variety, with whom I engaged in a few bouts of illicit carnal relations, that she has tested positive for an S.T.D.

 

What advice can forumites offer in this matter? Have you had any experience of these diseases? Which are the most fun to have, which possess the most street cred and which are most to be feared?

 

keep doing her untill its gone-if you both already have it you cant catch it again,

[Whollier]

I hope that there was a happy ending for your friend whose name is Dennings.

[Bogman]

A...ahem...friend of mine contracted one of these ailments. He made an appointment at the STD clinic at the local hospital. Only when he turned up did he realise that he didn't know where abouts the STD clinic was. In fact the hospital is split over several sites, so it was possible he was not even in the correct building.

 

Anyway, he confidently strode up to the enquiries desk. An elderly gentleman was performing the role of receptionist.

"Hello", said my friend. Let's call him Dennings.

"Hullo", said the old gentleman in a far back and aristocratic accent.

"Can you direct me to the STD clinic?" Denings whispered, trying to keep his voice down, as there was an electrician working on the fire alarm system not far behind the elderly gentleman.

"THE WHAT?" said the elderly gentleman cupping his hand to his ear.

"The STD clinic?" said Dennings still quietly.

"STD!" yelled the elderly gentleman confused.

The electrician dropped his scredriver and coughed as though stifling a laugh.

"Yes." Said Dennings "It stands for sexually transmitted disease."

"OH. I THOUGHT YOU MEANT STANDARD. I WAS THINKING...STANDARD...STANDARD...WE DONT HAVE A STANDARD CLINIC." he laughed loudly, "YOU WANT GENITO-URINARY. That way."

The electrician had left the room by now, unble to control his coughing. And a queue which had formed behind Dennings all appeared to have caught the cough, as Dennings dejectedly walked past, head bowed.

 

 

 

What did you have then?

[paddyberger15]

I hope that there was a happy ending for your friend whose name is Dennings.

 

He died.

Few survive.

[TheResonator]

I got checked out once.

 

The bit where they stick a swab up your japs eye and turn it isn't too fun. The rest of it was decent bants, though.

[Bogman]

Just stick your old man in TCP.

 

Should do the trick.

[Thants]

When I went to the clinic to get an all-clear I was examined by the most attractive nurse I've met. The will for movement was agonising.

[Captain Turdseye]

That's Sexually Transmitted Diseases for the uninitiated.

 

I have recently been informed, by an acquaintance of the female variety, with whom I engaged in a few bouts of illicit carnal relations, that she has tested positive for an S.T.D.

 

What advice can forumites offer in this matter? Have you had any experience of these diseases? Which are the most fun to have, which possess the most street cred and which are most to be feared?

 

I see you're in Wales. Was it a sheep of the female variety? Maybe you should inform the farmer incase the rest of the flock have been infected.

[Fowlers God]

When I went to the clinic to get an all-clear I was examined by the most attractive nurse I've met. The will for movement was agonising.

 

Ha Ha,

 

I have been once and the japs eye thing bloody killed when I went to have a piss afterwards.

 

There were two women that took me in the room to get it done. One was the fittest bird ever (not actually EVER, that is justa saying, obviously Mrs FG is, but she was well tidy) and all that kept going through my head was dont get a stiffy, dont get a stiffy!!

 

In fact the lady that actually done the swab thing was a large fat, asian lady that had a big wart on her face with hair sprouting from it, so there was no chance of arousal!

[Whollier]

There are some charming ewes in this part of the world Stirzy, but I think in this case the co-respondent was a two-legged person, as I was informed via e-mail.

 

And talented as our Welsh sheep are, I've yet to come across one who has an internet connection.