Whollier

These are my shouts:- Eli Wallach - actor (born, 1915) Olivia de Havilland - actress (born, 1916) Eric Hobsbawm - Bolshevik historian (born, 1917) Ken Dodd - British comedian (born, 1927) Michael Heseltine - Conservative politician (born, 1933) Jon Lord - Deep Purple keyboardist (born, 1941) Stephen Hawking - theoretical physicist (born, 1942) Under 50:- Bashar al-Assad - President of Syria (born, 1965) Mike Tyson - former boxing champion (born, 1966) Under 30:- Prince Harry - 3rd in line to the throne (born 1984)

There are some charming ewes in this part of the world Stirzy, but I think in this case the co-respondent was a two-legged person, as I was informed via e-mail. And talented as our Welsh sheep are, I've yet to come across one who has an internet connection.

I hope that there was a happy ending for your friend whose name is Dennings.

(She's Got) The Jack, by AC/DC.

That's Sexually Transmitted Diseases for the uninitiated. I have recently been informed, by an acquaintance of the female variety, with whom I engaged in a few bouts of illicit carnal relations, that she has tested positive for an S.T.D. What advice can forumites offer in this matter? Have you had any experience of these diseases? Which are the most fun to have, which possess the most street cred and which are most to be feared?

I will confess it's not the last film I saw, but who's seen The Reckoning starring Nicol Williamson. It's a British film made in the late 60s/early 70s. I don't think it's available on Amazon. Quite brilliant if I remember. Watch it if you can. Perhaps it's been mentioned already but the prospect of wading through almost 300 pages of the thread to find out is too daunting for me.

Don't forget the jars of Piccalilli to add relish and piquancy to the global meltdown. Spam on its own is too dry and disagreeable to be consumed without a side dressing. That's what concerns me most. Whether condiments and relishes will still be available in the New World Disorder. I suppose we'll be reduced to the inferior own-label stuff.

I'm stocking up with Spam, tinned peaches and a few good books to read while the Apocalypse unfolds outside my windows. But until the dreadful day arrives, I suggest we maintain a few old-fashioned British virtues such as keeping a stiff upper lip and filling the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds worth of distance run.

The Indian authorities ought to offer higher wages to their security staff. You pay peanuts, you get monkeys.

In prison that is. He's been given an 8 week custodial sentence for driving under the influence of drugs. I think he'll be in his element. Wake me up before you slop out.

Thanks, I think I'll take your advice in future. It's not the waste of money I resent, it's the lost time which could have been better spent looking out the window, or being sick in the toilet.

<<I don't tend to rent shit movies>> I love that bit. You're lucky. My local video store doesn't have a ''Shit Movies'' section, so I don't know which they are. I seem to rent them all the time.

That's called Quantitative Easing, otherwise known as the accomplishment of a desired objective by the application of the correct amount of lubrication in the right place at the right time. The lubrication in this instance being US dollars.

I'm afraid the conspiracy theorists will never let go of this. Nothing will convince them that it wasn't all a dastardly plot by the Americans. And there are plenty of people happy to peddle books and films to a gullible audience who are determined to believe it was an inside job. There are people out there who think Elvis is still alive, the moon landings were filmed in a studio, Shergar was kidnapped by a UFO, you name it. This'll be the same.

Thank you for sharing that information dennis. Most schools have some form of initiation rites for new pupils. Obviously they practised very exotic ones at yours. I only broke a window by accident, but it was enough to saddle me with a reputation as a trouble-maker which only now am I beginning to shake off.

You can't report me, I've only been here a couple of hours. That's like being sent to the headmaster's office on your first day at school. Something which did actually happen to me once funnily enough.

As the Chief Executive of Alliance Insurance, I can inform you, in the strictest confidence, that we possess considerable underwriting exposure in the Gulf area of North America. If you can arrange for a large natural disaster such as an earthquake or a devastating hurricane to strike the region, it would cause significant damage to the company's revenues and might result in our eventual bankruptcy. I trust this information will be of use to you.

I am the Chief Executive of Alliance Insurance and I am extremely annoyed to hear that you have undergone a distressing experience at the hands of one of our representatives. When I find out who it was I will feed his testicles to the piranhas in the Boardroom fishbowl. I sincerely hope that this gesture will make you feel better and that in future you will say only good things about our fine company.

You keep harking on about the National Debt as if the mere mention of it was some kind of Key to all Mythologies dennis. Clearly you've read a book about 17th century economics and were impressed by the author's point of view. But back in the real world the debate here is about how much of our money the government spends supposedly on our behalf. The GE produced a sufficient number of MPs who think the amount is too great and are of a mind to do something about it. The proposed reductions are being resisted, not surprisingly, by the unions, whose members are the chief beneficiaries of all this government spending. I'm afraid that if you think your post is either a coherent explanation of how we got into this mess, or a credible route-map out of it, then you are sorely mistaken.

I get it dennis. You're the bloke who sees deeply into the heart of things and knows how the levers of power really work, in ways which are hidden to mere mortals like the rest of us. The government's been spending too much and as a result of that profligacy it's been taking too much of the national revenue in taxation especially from the majority of people on low and average incomes. But even that wasn't enough and it had to borrow too much as well. Bottom line, people are getting fed up with handing their hard-earned cash to a bunch of shysters who then waste it in ways they don't approve of. The Coalition has said enough is enough and has promised to trim the fat. About time too. If they get on with the job with the right amount of energy and determination then the mess left behind by Labour might get cleaned up sooner than we think.

Those are fair enough questions Jose and I'll do my best to answer you. I don't know anyone who enjoys seeing millionaire bankers being rewarded for failure. But really it's the business of the bank's shareholders to determine the pay and conditions of the directors. Anyway, I wouldn't advise voting Labour if you want that issue addressed. They didn't do anything about it and it was Brown's spatchcock regulatory system that allowed the problem to get so bad in the first place. Nobody really wants to see lots of people put on the dole for the sake of it, but do you buy the unions' line that every single one of those jobs is vital? We can't do without any of them? One union leader even said today that cutting government jobs would result in a decline in revenue because of the loss of income tax paid by the workers! I mean, how economically illiterate is that? As for education and training and all the other nice things you have in mind, they're desirable if we can afford them. We can't at the moment.

I don't know where you get the idea that I said the cuts would reduce the National Debt dennis. Bet you can't quote me on it. I take it you're one of those people who would vote for a donkey if someone pinned a Labour rosette on it. I'm afraid that in real life, nobody votes for a government. You don't even vote for a party. You vote for an individual man or woman to represent the interests of you and your fellow constituents at Westminster. Once the election is over the elected men and women get their heads together and form a government. This time round the Coalition is the product of the process. They've made it clear that they see deficit reduction as the most urgent issue confronting them and they're getting on with making the hard choices that Labour should have done but didn't, because they were either too stupid or to scared to do it. You should join me in wishing them well.

Thanks for the warning RM. I'll bear it in mind in future. A lot of them are furious right now and gnashing their teeth because they're afraid their benefits are going to be cut as well.

You don't appear to understand how parliamentary democracy works dennis. All governments are coalitions, always have been. Political parties themselves are coalitions of people with broadly similar views. They used to teach that sort of stuff at school. Guess they don't anymore.

Who asked for yours? English emigre actually, living here in soaking Wales.