The world of a woman.

[lifetime fan]

I know. She couldn't understand why I was laughing.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Watching saving private Ryan the other day. That scene when Oscar winner Hanks is talking about his life back home bring a teacher etc. Highly emotional Hanks giving his best performance, moving, powerful, emotional....

 

"Bloody hell, that Tom Cruise is a Fantastic actor"

 

I had to pause the film for laughing

[Section_31]

Me and the Mrs went for a meal with her friend and her husband on Saturday.

 

Her friend looking at the menu: "Oh they've got fish pie!"

 

The Mrs: "I liked your fish pie."

 

Her friend: "Did I convert you to fish pie?"

 

I chortled.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Me and the Mrs went for a meal with her friend and her husband on Saturday.

 

Her friend looking at the menu: "Oh they've got fish pie!"

 

The Mrs: "I liked your fish pie."

 

Her friend: "Did I convert you to fish pie?"

 

I chortled.

 

 

Mmmmmmm.....fish pie

[Bjornebye]

Me and the Mrs went for a meal with her friend and her husband on Saturday.

 

Her friend looking at the menu: "Oh they've got fish pie!"

 

The Mrs: "I liked your fish pie."

 

Her friend: "Did I convert you to fish pie?"

 

I chortled.

That was a branch from god! I hope you took advantage....

[stringvest]

[Chairman Meow]

I always found Mrs Lloyd Jones "immaculately maintained inside and out" particularly amusing. 

[Tom R]

We have a lottery syndicate at our head office in London that I don't partake in. 

A girl in the office asked me last week why I didn't want to join in.

I said I occasionally do the lottery in my own anyway, and as the odds are 14 million to one plus, I don't realy see the benefit of doing my own and the work one. I'd rather just do my own and if I win it's all mine etc. 

 

Brace yourselves here...

 

Her: "No, the odds are only about 1 in 8."

Me: "Sorry, can you please repeat that?"
Her: "the odds aren't 14 million to one, it's only about 8 to one"

Me: "What the fuck are you on about"

Her: "You only need 6 numbers, yeah? And 6 only goes in to 49 eight times"

Me: "Interesting. So, how long have you been doing this syndicate?"

Her: "I think about 10 years or so now"

Me: "Cool. How many times have you won the jackpot?"

Her: "None... yet!" *smiles knowingly and optimistically*

 

 

She's the office manager. 

[stringvest]

We have a lottery syndicate at our head office in London that I don't partake in. 

A girl in the office asked me last week why I didn't want to join in.

I said I occasionally do the lottery in my own anyway, and as the odds are 14 million to one plus, I don't realy see the benefit of doing my own and the work one. I'd rather just do my own and if I win it's all mine etc. 

 

Brace yourselves here...

 

Her: "No, the odds are only about 1 in 8."

Me: "Sorry, can you please repeat that?"

Her: "the odds aren't 14 million to one, it's only about 8 to one"

Me: "What the fuck are you on about"

Her: "You only need 6 numbers, yeah? And 6 only goes in to 49 eight times"

Me: "Interesting. So, how long have you been doing this syndicate?"

Her: "I think about 10 years or so now"

Me: "Cool. How many times have you won the jackpot?"

Her: "None... yet!" *smiles knowingly and optimistically*

 

 

She's the office manager. 

 

step away from the spreadsheet

[Carvalho Diablo]

[Elite]

Cracking rack.

[Creator Supreme]

That is the dictionary definition of a Nagasaki tan.

[Dr Nowt]

Cracking rack.

 

I didn't see what was wrong with them, and I sure as shit didn't see anything else in that picture.

[Elite]

I didn't see what was wrong with them, and I sure as shit didn't see anything else in that picture.

With tits like that she can look like Quasimodo for all I care.

[Dr Nowt]

I jest of course.  Mel B from Bo Selecta in the hizzouse.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Chaos this morning when I commented that I couldn't find her purse to take a tenner from.

 

Frantic tearing the house up and down trying to find it. Unfounded allegations being thrown

 

Her "It was in the nappy bag. I always put it there. You took it upstairs! You didn't pass it to me. Is it in the kitchen? Will you check there again for me in case I've missed it? I remember you holding it! I need it today you'll have to leave your card for me. Did I take it to your mums? She put s receipt in it and must've left it on her hearth. Will you ring her? I know it's early but it's my purse"

 

Me "did you check your bedside drawer?"

 

Her - *rumbling and swearing* "got it!"

 

Me - "where was it?"

 

Her - "was it twenty you wanted? Here you go have a good day love you"

 

 

God bless 'em.

[Mook]

Does anyone else find that you can sit in silence for ages with your missus but the second you pick up your phone or a magazine or whatever she wants to tell you all about her day?

 

Must be an attention thing with them.

[niallers]

Does anyone else find that you can sit in silence for ages with your missus but the second you pick up your phone or a magazine or whatever she wants to tell you all about her day?

 

Must be an attention thing with them.

or that you've been on your phone all day and to start paying her attention

[Mook]

or that you've been on your phone all day and to start paying her attention

 

She'll be on Facebook all night but if I so much as pick up my phone to reply to a text it's, "You're never off your phone.".

 

Last night we had a blu ray sitting on the menu screen waiting for one of us to press play & I quickly went to reply to a text from my brother, "Are we going to watch the film or not?". It is bad week so I didn't bother turning it into an argument.

[Nunavut Patrick]

Does anyone else find that you can sit in silence for ages with your missus but the second you pick up your phone or a magazine or whatever she wants to tell you all about her day?

 

Must be an attention thing with them.

Hoovering when the football is on.

 

Never fails. And the funny thing is the place that needs hoovering the most is the point between the tellly and me.

[Mook]

The tunnel of space between a man's head & the telly is a magical place for a woman, like a flame to a moth or a little bit of space for a stupid twat to stand in while you're trying to watch something.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Mine asked me what I was thinking last night. I answered honestly

 

"if Peter Parker got someone pregnant would the baby have spider powers?"

 

She didn't feel like engaging me in the debate

[Chairman Meow]

I had an ex who was constantly wondering what I was thinking.

 

Never seemed to be satisfied that my brain seemed to be constantly occupied with gear ratio calculations. 

[Furmedge]

I get up at 5am for work. She's off on maternity and our kids are good sleepers so some days she doesn't have to get up until 7.30am-8am, getting almost 3 hours sleep on me a night. That's a potential 21 hours extra sleep a week! But when I'm going to bed around 10.30pm it's at that point she'll want to tell me about her fears about going back to work or the quality of the kids new school and regularly sheds tears over it. Not at 6pm when we're eating. Not at 7pm when her soaps start. Not even at 9am when there's fuck all on the telly. No, right before I'm going to bed, so I have to listen to her whine on because if I don't I'll be a callous twat who doesn't want to know about her/the kids. So I go to bed around 11.30pm and have a solid just over 5 hours sleep a night.

[s(k)aturation]

I get up at 5am for work.  She's off on maternity and our kids are good sleepers so some days she doesn't have to get up until 7.30am-8am, getting almost 3 hours sleep on me a night.  That's a potential 21 hours extra sleep a week!  But when I'm going to bed around 10.30pm it's at that point she'll want to tell me about her fears about going back to work or the quality of the kids new school and regularly sheds tears over it.  Not at 6pm when we're eating.  Not at 7pm when her soaps start.  Not even at 9am when there's fuck all on the telly.  No, right before I'm going to bed, so I have to listen to her whine on because if I don't I'll be a callous twat who doesn't want to know about her/the kids.  So I go to bed around 11.30pm and have a solid just over 5 hours sleep a night.

 

Luxury.