What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Nelly-Szoboszlai]

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2021/feb/22/cocaine-frosted-cereal-cincinnati

[Evelyn Tentions]

9 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

Beans and HP is the way to go. 

Because the beans neutralize the taste of the HP and the HP neutralizes the taste of the beans?

[Bob]

On 30/01/2021 at 16:01, Fowlers God said:

I’d want beans, and I’d want that bread to have been thrown under the grill for a bit, but otherwise that looks sound. Really sound.

[Strontium]

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

[Pidge]

6 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Verdict: edible

Are you sure?

 

(Hope everything is okay and all...)

[YorkshireRed]

8 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

Firstly, thanks for providing some relief to the boredom of another lockdown Saturday giving me a breakfast to review.

 

Secondly, the beans elevate you to a position above the ‘beneath contempt’ status reserved for non beaners. 
 

Thirdly, if this was free then you were robbed. Call the Police and have everyone responsible for this atrocity arrested.

 

Fourthly, please thank all at the NHS for their efforts during these most difficult of times. 

[cloggypop]

It's Russia before glasnost

[Bruce Spanner]

I’d probably eat the fork before anything on that plate. 

[Guest]

37 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

The best thing about that plate is the plate. Luxury clean. 

[mattyq]

53 minutes ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

That plate has bad Aids

 

[Anubis]

Kippers should never be on a full English. Alone, with a knob of butter, is fine. But this isn’t mix and match.

[Remmie]

1 hour ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

I'm taking it that this is the reason you're in hospital? 

[Remmie]

That is one of the sorriest looking plates of "food" I have ever seen. Are you sure it's not a prison hospital? 

[Bjornebye]

1 hour ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

Firstly, hope you are ok. 

 

Secondly, You spelt Broadmoor wrong 

[Elite]

2 hours ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

MRSA breakfast.

[Harry's Lad]

2 hours ago, Strontium Dog™ said:

Not exactly a breakfast, but it's all I got to work with here

 

Broadgreen Hospital 

Cost: £free

 

 

Verdict: edible

Only if you're Ethiopian circa 1984.

[Karl_b]

It's been a while since I contributed and even longer (years) since it was a home cooked effort. The wife is veggie so I can never be bothered with cooking a full breakfast just for me and prefer to go out. We went out for a walk yesterday and walked past the butchers, me and the dog gave each other a knowing look and I nipped in for some quality local pork products.

 

2 x Proper Fucking Lincolnshire Sausages.

3 x Smoked cured bacon.

2 x fried eggs, perfectly cooked.

Beans, obviously.

1 x slice of frsh sourdough (normally I'd have toast but this was still warm having baked it first thing).

 

Pretty pleased with my efforts, 7.5/10. Bring it on, you cunts.

 

Edit - the dog got 2 sausages, 10/10 from him.

 

[Bjornebye]

You horrible horrible bastard 

[TheHowieLama]

Thats not bad. The beans have breached the breakwater but at least they look cooked properly. Fat splashed on eggs - decent looking meats.

 

If it had a tomato and some mushrooms I would scrape off the beans and feed it to my dog.

 

Good effort -- agree 7.5/10.

 

Not toasting the bread counts against you, warm bread is by definition not yet toast.

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, TheHowieLama said:

Thats not bad. The beans have breached the breakwater but at least they look cooked properly. Fat splashed on eggs - decent looking meats.

 

If it had a tomato and some mushrooms I would scrape off the beans and feed it to my dog.

 

Good effort -- agree 7.5/10.

 

Not toasting the bread counts against you, warm bread is by definition not yet toast.

 

 

[Karl_b]

6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

You horrible horrible bastard 

Yeah, ok mate.

 

On 20/01/2021 at 07:18, Bjornebye said:

Richmond Meat Free Sausages, Scrambled Egg, Vegan Black Pudding, Cherry Tomatoes and Sardines. Come at me. 

 

 

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

Yeah, ok mate.

 

 

Fuck all wrong with mine there. Nothing at all.  

[YorkshireRed]

Just now, Karl_b said:

It's been a while since I contributed and even longer (years) since it was a home cooked effort. The wife is veggie so I can never be bothered with cooking a full breakfast just for me and prefer to go out. We went out for a walk yesterday and walked past the butchers, me and the dog gave each other a knowing look and I nipped in for some quality local pork products.

 

2 x Proper Fucking Lincolnshire Sausages.

3 x Smoked cured bacon.

2 x fried eggs, perfectly cooked.

Beans, obviously.

1 x slice of frsh sourdough (normally I'd have toast but this was still warm having baked it first thing).

 

Pretty pleased with my efforts, 7.5/10. Bring it on, you cunts.

You should be given credit for making a contribution to this thread after all this time so a quick doff of the cap before I get down to business.

 

This is far from the worst breakfast I’ve seen on here but, as you know, this thread maintains a high bar for culinary atrocities. 
 

The sausages look nice, if a little thin. Think Kate Moss in her pre Pete Doherty days. Also three is always better than two (see the threesomes thread).

 

I think the bacon is a tad undercooked for my tastes, but it’s possible you have some form of mental disorder which has prevented you from fully committing to cooking it properly so I’ll try not to criticise.  
 

One of the eggs looks nice, the other looks like it’s ugly mate. I’ve had enough of ‘ugly mates’ to last me a lifetime.

 

Not enough beans, no mushrooms or black pudding. You lose points for some unforced errors here. It’s possible you might be the Buster Mottram of breakfast chefs.

 

That type of bread might be tolerated by a French onion soup but the English breakfast didn’t reclaim its sovereignty and control over its borders to let this on the plate. Bloody foreigners, coming over here and fucking up our breakfasts.

 

7/10.

[Karl_b]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Fuck all wrong with mine there. Nothing at all.  

It's a fucking disgrace, people have banned off this forum for less. Repped for standing by your guns, you pervert.

[TheHowieLama]

16 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

 

The day you can spell sourdough, much less make one, will be a high water mark in your culinary career.