Corporate bellendary at work.

[Clem H Fandango]

11 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

 

No. I’m asking a question you refuse to answer. 

I like topside as a joint or a nice sirloin cooked bleu.

[lifetime fan]

10 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

You're getting weird and stalky now col.

You couldn’t read a post, started acting the dick and then doubled down when it was pointed out to you you couldn’t even fucking read. 
 

There was no need, just a simple ‘sorry I fucked up, I couldn’t read‘ would have done. 
 

You’d have looked remarkably less

stupid then. 

[lifetime fan]

9 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

I like topside as a joint or a nice sirloin cooked bleu.

Obviously a wrongun. 

[littletedwest]

On 15/11/2022 at 22:30, littletedwest said:

Had a training thing today. One guy pipes up on this teams call " I'm an experienced manager but I'm looking forward to this course as a passionate advocate of life long learning"

Bore off you knob

In the training thing again. This guys such a prick. Good point is he is determined answer every question so I can just play with my phone as its virtual 

[Furmedge]

6 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

In the training thing again. This guys such a prick. Good point is he is determined answer every question so I can just play with my phone as its virtual 

 

I'm in training on Friday.  I'm only looking forward to it as it's off site, finishes at 2pm and is near several boozers.

[lifetime fan]

Has any company or organisation ever produced an E-Learning package that wasn’t a complete waste of time and spectacularly shite. 
 

 

[lifetime fan]

Although when I was working for an old MH company this slide did make me laugh…

 

[Stouffer]

Our D&I training used to be quite good although it seems to have disappeared. There were a couple of slides that redirected to a study and question set on confirmation bias that I thought was quite challenging. 

[Stouffer]

This one.

 

https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/takeatouchtest.html

[Fugitive]

PDR’s are the biggest waste of paper ever.  Had to do 3 today and ask what their 3 biggest weaknesses are and what they are going to do over they next 6 months to work on them… absolute bollocks. They have no chance of moving on in the company unless I move on and they would have to leave for career progression. 

They are very capable and I’ve signed them up to some external courses that will benefit them out of the companies pocket and the company will not see anything back. 
 

Got mine with the regional manager next week… waste of fucking time.

 

[Bruce Spanner]

Dispatches from Khartoum…

 

Guy who works for us goes camping with a few other colleagues. They get to a road block and the police/army pull them out of the car and search them. Turns out the dickhead has weed on him.
 

Fun fact time weed is haram and punishable by lashing, fines and prison. We love our drug laws over here and really making a show of users, especially in light of all the protests and suppression.

 

Anyhows we call in all manner of favours that will come back to bite us in the arse at some point and miraculously the case file disappears, marvellous stuff.

 

This takes a lot of political good will and we know at some point the favour will be called in, or used against us. But, it’s all agreed that there’s a conspiracy of silence  agreed upon and we assume the guy will just keep his head down, work his bollocks off and hope people forget, but…

 

Thursday night we’re at a staff function that I organise where we are private and can drink without fear of the police or army busting us and taking us to the town square for twelve of the best.

 

Its late on in the night and the crowds thinning and I go to another table, where said guy is. Within a minute he’s offered me weed lollipops, edibles and anything stronger if I want it?

 

He’s getting sacked and deported in the morning.

 

Not only does he not understand or respect the lengths people have gone to to make sure he’s not languishing in a Sudanese prison, but he’s making a joke of it whilst handing out illegal drugs.

 

Absolutely astonishing level of fucking idiocy.

 

 

[Captain Turdseye]

Were the edibles any good?

[Bruce Spanner]

3 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

Were the edibles any good?

Don’t know yet, I’m having them later to de-stress after a particularly difficult few days of sacking people for giving drugs to workmates.

 

Ill report back.

[Clem H Fandango]

"Let's make sure our pencils are sharpened for that client meeting".

 

Dear lord.

[Mudface]

1 hour ago, Clem H Fandango said:

"Let's make sure our pencils are sharpened for that client meeting".

 

Dear lord.

 

It's pretty important, to be fair.

 

[AngryOfTuebrook]

I was trying to get a date for a meeting with one of our managers, but one of the days in her calendar was blocked out for a "Beyond Leadership Gathering".

[sir roger]

5 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

I was trying to get a date for a meeting with one of our managers, but one of the days in her calendar was blocked out for a "Beyond Leadership Gathering".

 

Like a phone call I took for my manger asking for the return of an overdue book from the corporate library. I enquired the title which was ' Taking Control of your Calendar '.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

I avoid all corporate bellendry by being a corporate bellend at every opportunity, I'm literally immune.

[Bjornebye]

Just now, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

I avoid all corporate bellendry by being a corporate bellend at every opportunity, I'm literally immune.

 

Please advise 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

7 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

 

Please advise 

 

Absolutely pouring it on how grateful I am to the staff for the most menial tasks they've completed is a favourite.

[Bjornebye]

1 minute ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

 

Absolutely pouring it on how grateful I am to the staff for the most menial tasks they've completed is a favourite.

 

Haha

[stringvest]

7 hours ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

I was trying to get a date for a meeting with one of our managers, but one of the days in her calendar was blocked out for a "Beyond Leadership Gathering".

 

I'm attending Leader of Leaders session at the mo.  I'm not sure if a promotion entitles me to attend the Leader of Leaders of Leaders meetings.

[bossy]

Many many moons ago I worked in HR in the NHS. So long ago that when I started it was still Personnel. I did useful things like calculate bonus schemes for domestic staff and find locums to cover absences and vacancies for Senior Registrars and Consultants. I got two promotions one after the other to middle management and I’d end up in absolutely futile meetings about how many speech therapists would be needed in 10 years time, pointless as the Tory government of the time, like todays, did not fund what was required but merely did the barest minimum they could get away with. I fucking hated it and wasn’t in the least bit interested other than for my pay cheque. There was so much bollocks spoken and useless reports made, I couldn’t join in with the merry go round. They were about to move me ‘sideways’ to a hospital where I’d basically sit off being quiet, when my band got a record deal. I earned a third of the money and had ten times the fun. Still skint but happy with my choice. 

[Bjornebye]

3 hours ago, stringvest said:

 

I'm attending Leader of Leaders session at the mo.  I'm not sure if a promotion entitles me to attend the Leader of Leaders of Leaders meetings.

 

The Shangri Laa over here 

[A Red]

One of my greatest achievements in life has been to be free of corporate bellendary for nearly 10 years. When you are in amongst it, it permeates your brain and you actually find yourself using the terms and thinking like the cunts who make this shit up.