Corporate bellendary at work.

[KMD7]

[Section_31]

Think I mentioned on another thread I've been dealing with a lot of yanks lately and it's next level shit. Corporate speak, then random pleasantry, then abruptness. 

 

'we need total visibility across all verticals.'

 

'so how are your socks?'

 

'I don't think you're listening. Anyway I'll be right back the amazon guy is at the door.'

 

'how's your weather?'

 

'the client's verticals need total visibility.'

 

'you're an asshole'.

 

[Bjornebye]

Why is everyone 'around' everything all of a sudden. 

[redinblack]

I sent an email to somebody at work the other day, this morning I've been asked to "socialise it further".

 

I mean, I know I'm a bit quirky and a bit of a dinosaur, but I dont think I'm that bad.....

[Rico1304]

When i left BG they messed up my tax so I sent a bit of a shitty email to the MD who I didn’t get on with (and who subsequently appeared in the Daily Mirror in a less than flattering article).  
 

Guess who’s just been appointed the new COO at the new place…

[KMD7]

24 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

When i left BG they messed up my tax so I sent a bit of a shitty email to the MD who I didn’t get on with (and who subsequently appeared in the Daily Mirror in a less than flattering article).  
 

Guess who’s just been appointed the new COO at the new place…

OOPS.

[redinblack]

26 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

When i left BG they messed up my tax so I sent a bit of a shitty email to the MD who I didn’t get on with (and who subsequently appeared in the Daily Mirror in a less than flattering article).  
 

Guess who’s just been appointed the new COO at the new place…

A lot of industries are small worlds, when I am looking for a contract I keep an eye on who is where, a couple of people in particular, as I wont go there. A bit more difficult if you are a permanent employee obviously.

[littletedwest]

41 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

When i left BG they messed up my tax so I sent a bit of a shitty email to the MD who I didn’t get on with (and who subsequently appeared in the Daily Mirror in a less than flattering article).  
 

Guess who’s just been appointed the new COO at the new place…

Wouldn't worry about it hopefully when they are that high they should be professional.

When I was a manager at carphone and conned out of a promotion to managing a bigger shop I emailed the owner. He personally called my bosses boss, who then sent me an email accussing me of criticising his integrity. So I then put in a grievance against the slimy twat. It was rejected but I wasn't arsed as he'd never be my manager as he was too high up.

Couple of years later they restructured and he was demoted. So ended up as my boss. For some reason he thought I was good at my job and was OK with me.

 

 

[Rico1304]

2 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Wouldn't worry about it hopefully when they are that high they should be professional.

When I was a manager at carphone and conned out of a promotion to managing a bigger shop I emailed the owner. He personally called my bosses boss, who then sent me an email accussing me of criticising his integrity. So I then put in a grievance against the slimy twat. It was rejected but I wasn't arsed as he'd never be my manager as he was too high up.

Couple of years later they restructured and he was demoted. So ended up as my boss. For some reason he thought I was good at my job and was OK with me.

 

 

Hope so.  After I left he had a massive fight with the unions and did admit he got sent dog shit through the post so my email should be small fry! 

[Harry's Lad]

9 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

Hope so.  After I left he had a massive fight with the unions and did admit he got sent dog shit through the post so my email should be small fry! 

Was it you?

[Creator Supreme]

11 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

Was it you?

No that was my handiwork!

 

 

For any litigious bastards out there, it wasn't my handiwork!

[Mook]

Our year end review, we've had to arrange a team meeting so the boss can show us how to fill it all in because it's so complicated.

 

I can remember working in the 90s, you'd have a 20 minute chat with the boss about how things had gone, a 2% pay rise then off to get smashed at the the C****mas party. Now, it's 3hrs of filling out forms demonstration your various behaviours throughout the year, followed by a two hour meeting with the boss explaining how you not answering a phone call in March means unfortunately there will be no pay rise again this year. 

 

What's the fucking point in it all?

[dockers_strike]

6 hours ago, Mook said:

Our year end review, we've had to arrange a team meeting so the boss can show us how to fill it all in because it's so complicated.

 

I can remember working in the 90s, you'd have a 20 minute chat with the boss about how things had gone, a 2% pay rise then off to get smashed at the the C****mas party. Now, it's 3hrs of filling out forms demonstration your various behaviours throughout the year, followed by a two hour meeting with the boss explaining how you not answering a phone call in March means unfortunately there will be no pay rise again this year. 

 

What's the fucking point in it all?

Narcissistic managers. Plenty of them about.

[Fugitive]

7 hours ago, Mook said:

Our year end review, we've had to arrange a team meeting so the boss can show us how to fill it all in because it's so complicated.

 

I can remember working in the 90s, you'd have a 20 minute chat with the boss about how things had gone, a 2% pay rise then off to get smashed at the the C****mas party. Now, it's 3hrs of filling out forms demonstration your various behaviours throughout the year, followed by a two hour meeting with the boss explaining how you not answering a phone call in March means unfortunately there will be no pay rise again this year. 

 

What's the fucking point in it all?

Hahaha, that sounds so much like my last job.

 

New job, work 12 hour shifts but 2 days one week and 5 the next, been there 12 weeks and just got a 5% pay rise already, gone from 26 direct reports to 6, my manager basically just goes with whatever I say and I can basically just fuck off home when ever I feel like after 3.30pm. 

[sir roger]

7 hours ago, Mook said:

Our year end review, we've had to arrange a team meeting so the boss can show us how to fill it all in because it's so complicated.

 

I can remember working in the 90s, you'd have a 20 minute chat with the boss about how things had gone, a 2% pay rise then off to get smashed at the the C****mas party. Now, it's 3hrs of filling out forms demonstration your various behaviours throughout the year, followed by a two hour meeting with the boss explaining how you not answering a phone call in March means unfortunately there will be no pay rise again this year. 

 

What's the fucking point in it all?

I realised it was all cobblers when my line manager said he looked after 22 Business Managers and if he ever started a business he would ask me to look after his account because I actually cared about my customers and always followed through on my promises to them, but because I wouldn't flog stuff that my customers didn't want or need I was a level 2 ( out of 5 ) with no bonus.

[Rico1304]

6 minutes ago, sir roger said:

I realised it was all cobblers when my line manager said he looked after 22 Business Managers and if he ever started a business he would ask me to look after his account because I actually cared about my customers and always followed through on my promises to them, but because I wouldn't flog stuff that my customers didn't want or need I was a level 2 ( out of 5 ) with no bonus.

I’ve said before calibration sessions when I was at BG were horrific.  Complete arseholes pontificating about values and the ‘how’ not the ‘what’. I didn’t have many working for me but just put them down for a 1 and completely refused to budge.  I’d end up arguing with other peoples managers trying to mark down their staff who I knew to be great but they were usually jealous of. 

[redinblack]

8 hours ago, Mook said:

Our year end review, we've had to arrange a team meeting so the boss can show us how to fill it all in because it's so complicated.

 

I can remember working in the 90s, you'd have a 20 minute chat with the boss about how things had gone, a 2% pay rise then off to get smashed at the the C****mas party. Now, it's 3hrs of filling out forms demonstration your various behaviours throughout the year, followed by a two hour meeting with the boss explaining how you not answering a phone call in March means unfortunately there will be no pay rise again this year. 

 

What's the fucking point in it all?

360 degree feedback, 180 of which is completely ignored

[redinblack]

14 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

 

[Rico1304]

6 minutes ago, redinblack said:

Really?

Yes. I think you should be able to search my name and ‘calibration’ to keep me honest.  
 

Each manager had to mark their staff 1-4, exceptional to below expectation.  Then there was a calibration session with all managers of the same level where we had to fit everyone into a curve.  If your manager didn’t have your back it literally meant your entire years work could be ignored and you’d get down graded. I just refused to change my mind and because of the nature of our jobs could point to £ saved which usually won over.  No way was I going to allow someone who worked for me and saved the business millions of £ to get a lower bonus than some twat in HR who was good at posters.  

[redinblack]

Just now, Rico1304 said:

Yes. I think you should be able to search my name and ‘calibration’ to keep me honest.  
 

Each manager had to mark their staff 1-4, exceptional to below expectation.  Then there was a calibration session with all managers of the same level where we had to fit everyone into a curve.  If your manager didn’t have your back it literally meant your entire years work could be ignored and you’d get down graded. I just refused to change my mind and because of the nature of our jobs could point to £ saved which usually won over.  No way was I going to allow someone who worked for me and saved the business millions of £ to get a lower bonus than some twat in HR who was could at posters.  

I deleted my post, I re_ read your post and then realised I didn't read what I thought I did. Apologies 

[Rico1304]

5 minutes ago, redinblack said:

I deleted my post, I re_ read your post and then realised I didn't read what I thought I did. Apologies 

No worries. 

[Mook]

Doesn't all this corporate shite originate from Harvard or somewhere? 

 

Place should be nuked into orbit.

[littletedwest]

Had a training thing today. One guy pipes up on this teams call " I'm an experienced manager but I'm looking forward to this course as a passionate advocate of life long learning"

Bore off you knob

[sir roger]

On a course and we were asked to say what we were most looking forward to, and I said that a mate had been previously and said the canteen was great. Not a titter from any of the other gobshites on the course, and bristling hostility from the tutor for the whole three days.

[Clem H Fandango]

Just had the strangest teams meeting with other accounts people. One woman (who has been single all her life, 37yrs old) for some weird reason decided to explain how she gets her armpits and fanny done with laser hair removal. I could literally see all the guys online going green or shaking their heads.

 

needless to say she has become the butt of all jokes and probably will be for the rest of her time with us.

 

she is very dense.