Corporate bellendary at work.

[sir roger]

4 hours ago, Clem H Fandango said:

she is very dense.

 

But at least her armpits and fanny aren't.

[Section_31]

If someone's work place were trying to screw them out of travel expenses because they'd suddenly changed the policy on acceptable dates for petrol receipts, how would someone - in theory and for legitimate reasons - create one?

[Rico1304]

Can’t you just get mates to save there’s? 

[Rico1304]

Or theirs 

[manwiththestick]

3 hours ago, Section_31 said:

If someone's work place were trying to screw them out of travel expenses because they'd suddenly changed the policy on acceptable dates for petrol receipts, how would someone - in theory and for legitimate reasons - create one?

Before Covid I did a fair bit of travelling in my car and I'd quite often misplace receipts but my dad would give me his diesel receipts to use if I needed them.

[Rico1304]

I got stuck in London on Wednesday due to the problems at Euston.  I arrived at 11am and at 5pm gave up and decided to stay over another night. Obviously the hotels had cottoned on to the fact and the hotel I’d stayed at on Tuesday for £300 was £550.  It was outside policy but luckily work were fine about it. 

[dockers_strike]

3 hours ago, Section_31 said:

If someone's work place were trying to screw them out of travel expenses because they'd suddenly changed the policy on acceptable dates for petrol receipts, how would someone - in theory and for legitimate reasons - create one?

 

A physical paper till receipt you mean? Not very easily because you'd need access to or someone with a point of sale receipt printer and till roll. These tend to use thermal paper for printing so you couldnt just use an ordinary HP type printer and paper.

 

 

[Section_31]

2 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

 

A physical paper till receipt you mean? Not very easily because you'd need access to or someone with a point of sale receipt printer and till roll. These tend to use thermal paper for printing so you couldnt just use an ordinary HP type printer and paper.

 

 

It just needs to be a scan or a photo. The bit they seem most arsed about is the date. It's only a recent thing, just as they start laying people off too.

[dockers_strike]

18 minutes ago, Section_31 said:

It just needs to be a scan or a photo. The bit they seem most arsed about is the date. It's only a recent thing, just as they start laying people off too.

 

How good are you at cutting the dates off other receipts and sticking them on ones you want to make legit then scanning that into a jpeg?

 

We used to do a trick on medical reports when we needed to redact sensitive info. Cut some white paper to cover the line or para of text, get it photocopied then on the photocopied version, use a rubber to remove any shadow line of the blanking paper. If you did it carefully, you couldnt see there was stuff covered up.

 

You might be able to stick a 'new' date on the receipt and cover any shadow lines this way so when you scan it to a jpeg, you dont see any 'adjustment.'

[Harry Squatter]

4 hours ago, Section_31 said:

If someone's work place were trying to screw them out of travel expenses because they'd suddenly changed the policy on acceptable dates for petrol receipts, how would someone - in theory and for legitimate reasons - create one?

A lad I used to work with was like Leonardo Di Caprio's character in catch me if you can. 

 

Every time he went to Tescos he would hoover up all the receipts at the self service till and submit them. He ended up getting a scanner at home and his 2 days off would be scanning several different restaurants receipts and altering the serial numbers. 

 

I went out with him once to an Indian restaurant. One of the waiters started talking to me about footy and he walked into the staff area and stole 4 pads of receipts. He basically claimed that he ate at the same curry house every night spending his daily allowance while just sitting in his room eating a £3.50 Tesco meal deal.

 

He even used to claim the wank mag "Nuts" back on expenses as that is how it appeared on the receipts. 

 

One time he got challenged when he claimed two £75 petrol receipts in the space of 24 hours. He said he used that much petrol as his car was full of stuff in the boot he was moving into a hotel storage and that ate up more petrol due to the weight. 

 

Amazingly he only got sacked when he threatened one of the hotel staff for not paying him £100 that he claimed was his in the fruit machine in the bar. 

[Harry Squatter]

3 hours ago, Harry Squatter said:

A lad I used to work with was like Leonardo Di Caprio's character in catch me if you can. 

 

Every time he went to Tescos he would hoover up all the receipts at the self service till and submit them. He ended up getting a scanner at home and his 2 days off would be scanning several different restaurants receipts and altering the serial numbers. 

 

I went out with him once to an Indian restaurant. One of the waiters started talking to me about footy and he walked into the staff area and stole 4 pads of receipts. He basically claimed that he ate at the same curry house every night spending his daily allowance while just sitting in his room eating a £3.50 Tesco meal deal.

 

He even used to claim the wank mag "Nuts" back on expenses as that is how it appeared on the receipts. 

 

One time he got challenged when he claimed two £75 petrol receipts in the space of 24 hours. He said he used that much petrol as his car was full of stuff in the boot he was moving into a hotel storage and that ate up more petrol due to the weight. 

 

Amazingly he only got sacked when he threatened one of the hotel staff for not paying him £100 that he claimed was his in the fruit machine in the bar. 

My mate saw him after he got sacked in Walton Asda in a light blue dressing gown as he couldn't be arsed getting changed as lived opposite it.

 

He said he was moaning about how shit everything was after he got sacked. He burst out laughing in his face and said he looked and sounded like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas.

[johnsusername]

My boss has put a full day planning session in the diary three days before Christmas. Fucking Scrooge. 

[A Red]

Putting in bogus expenses? Tories! 

 

You do realise that you are reducing the profits and therefore the taxes that companies pay. Taxes that could have paid for the NHS and you call yourselves socialists.

[Bjornebye]

2 hours ago, A Red said:

Putting in bogus expenses? Tories! 

 

You do realise that you are reducing the profits and therefore the taxes that companies pay. Taxes that could have paid for the NHS and you call yourselves socialists.

 

You stupid tory ignorant cunt. 

 

Dido Harding, Michelle Mone, Sunaks lost 4.6 billion etc etc etc and all you have is to have a dig at a drop in the ocean. Go on big man call your own side out you fucking whopper. Nice lawn by the way 

[Rico1304]

6 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

 

You stupid tory ignorant cunt. 

 

Dido Harding, Michelle Mone, Sunaks lost 4.6 billion etc etc etc and all you have is to have a dig at a drop in the ocean. Go on big man call your own side out you fucking whopper. Nice lawn by the way 

I think, perhaps, that he was joking 

[Bjornebye]

4 hours ago, Rico1304 said:

I think, perhaps, that he was joking 

So was I, I was attempting to be ironic 

[Section_31]

12 hours ago, A Red said:

Putting in bogus expenses? Tories! 

 

You do realise that you are reducing the profits and therefore the taxes that companies pay. Taxes that could have paid for the NHS and you call yourselves socialists.

Mine's legit expense. They've just changed the rules on what evidence they'll accept without telling anyone. Just so happens to be when they're in a round of redundancies. They're stealing from me, not the other way around. 

 

They've actually reimbursed my tolls for the same journeys but not the actual petrol. 

[Clem H Fandango]

On 16/11/2022 at 10:48, Clem H Fandango said:

Just had the strangest teams meeting with other accounts people. One woman (who has been single all her life, 37yrs old) for some weird reason decided to explain how she gets her armpits and fanny done with laser hair removal. I could literally see all the guys online going green or shaking their heads.

 

needless to say she has become the butt of all jokes and probably will be for the rest of her time with us.

 

she is very dense.

Same woman decide to have pre-xmas party drinks in the office (we get free beer, gin, prosseco etc) proceeded to drink an entire bottle of wine before 3pm....we finish at 5!

 

By the time the party started she was legless. Within 15 seconds she insulted a male member of staff by calling him fat. called the customer service manager an arsehole. grabbed the regional MD around the face and tried to drag him onto the dancefloor which he was less than impressed with by telling her to 'get off!' She also had a go at the HR manager after she was refused more drink from the bar.

 

She now fears for her life and is ass kissing more than i have ever seen before in my life, its beyond pathetic. she left early yesterday as she heard the regional MD was turning up and made some shitty excuse about her dog at home needs a light on.

 

Literally everyone i have spoken to is hoping she is shown the door.

[littletedwest]

At a managers conference I missed the other year one manager got her tits out the bar, then had to be put in a wheelchair as she couldn't walk then as people tried to get her out the chair bit one.

 

She was off sick for a week after and deleted her Facebook 

[Harry Squatter]

For some reason I always imagine these type of women look and sound like Kath, the Manc woman from Afterlife. 

[Rico1304]

We’ve just had our pay review. All staff on the engineering/meter reading side guaranteed minimum living wage, anyone under 40% tax gets 10% and everyone else 7%.  Think that’s pretty fair.  

[Clem H Fandango]

9 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

We’ve just had our pay review. All staff on the engineering/meter reading side guaranteed minimum living wage, anyone under 40% tax gets 10% and everyone else 7%.  Think that’s pretty fair.  

its slightly laughable for employees with fixed pension contributions though that cant change or afford more percent or have to opt out completely.

[Rico1304]

1 hour ago, Clem H Fandango said:

its slightly laughable for employees with fixed pension contributions though that cant change or afford more percent or have to opt out completely.

I’ve very little idea about pensions but ours is 7% employee contribution and 14% company so pretty generous. 

[Clem H Fandango]

3 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

I’ve very little idea about pensions but ours is 7% employee contribution and 14% company so pretty generous. 

im surprised that you claim to be in the super tax bracket, personally i wouldn't employ you.

[Rico1304]

6 minutes ago, Clem H Fandango said:

im surprised that you claim to be in the super tax bracket, personally i wouldn't employ you.

Im not in the supertax bracket and have never claimed to be.  I have no idea how to deal with the disappointment of the fictional job you wouldn’t give me if you had the fictional power to employ me.