Corporate bellendary at work.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

My boss's boss has got a few little buzzwords and phrases that he uses; fair enough, everyone's got their quirks.

 

My boss occasionally drops his words and phrases in when she's talking, which is just nauseating.

[Remmie]

1 minute ago, AngryOfTuebrook said:

My boss's boss has got a few little buzzwords and phrases that he uses; fair enough, everyone's got their quirks.

 

My boss occasionally drops his words and phrases in when she's talking, which is just nauseating.

Are they 'stop staring at my arse' and 'stop touching me there'? 

[lifetime fan]

I fucking hate my job at times. 
 

Master source of truth? Fuck off. Just fuck off you absolute cunts. 
 

 

[Mudface]

1 hour ago, lifetime fan said:

I fucking hate my job at times. 
 

Master source of truth? Fuck off. Just fuck off you absolute cunts. 
 

 

 

Wankers. There is a concept in IT of mastering data, but that's more for multiple massive datasets where you have a master record for a person and that's linked to other records each containing different types of data (e.g. merging people's CTAX, benefits and rent records together). An HR system with a few thousand records at best isn't really the same...

[lifetime fan]

I work for the largest home care company in the U.K., our corporate aims for this year are recruitment, retention and growth. 
 

In the last 12 months we’ve spent over £4 million on recruitment alone. In that 12 months we recruited 5,300 new staff but had 6,600 leave! 

[Mudface]

37 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

I work for the largest home care company in the U.K., our corporate aims for this year are recruitment, retention and growth. 
 

In the last 12 months we’ve spent over £4 million on recruitment alone. In that 12 months we recruited 5,300 new staff but had 6,600 leave! 

 

And they were running their HR department through spreadsheets? Jesus.

[Guest]

3 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

I fucking hate my job at times. 
 

Master source of truth? Fuck off. Just fuck off you absolute cunts. 
 

 

Can you ask the master source of truth what the lottery numbers are going to be tomorrow? Asking for a friend.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

The thing about all this is the higher you get the less it affects you, you start revelling in the nonsense knowing your'e getting a fat salary and inflicting misery on the minions, I genuinely make myself cringe sometimes when I host stuff, but ultimately if you choose this kind of career that's what comes with it.

 

 

apologies to any minions reading this.

[lifetime fan]

28 minutes ago, Mudface said:

 

And they were running their HR department through spreadsheets? Jesus.

£4 million to end up over 1,300 staff down. 

[lifetime fan]

3 minutes ago, Ezekiel 25:17 said:

The thing about all this is the higher you get the less it affects you, you start revelling in the nonsense knowing your'e getting a fat salary and inflicting misery on the minions, I genuinely make myself cringe sometimes when I host stuff, but ultimately if you choose this kind of career that's what comes with it.

 

 

apologies to any minions reading this.

When I think of the absolute bollocks I came out with at interview I only have myself to blame! 

[Ezekiel 25:17]

3 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

When I think of the absolute bollocks I came out with at interview I only have myself to blame! 

 

 

It's the constant quandary, you hate everything you've become !!!

[cloggypop]

1 hour ago, lifetime fan said:

I work for the largest home care company in the U.K., our corporate aims for this year are recruitment, retention and growth. 
 

In the last 12 months we’ve spent over £4 million on recruitment alone. In that 12 months we recruited 5,300 new staff but had 6,600 leave! 

 

Sack HR and pay the staff doing the home care more.

[lifetime fan]

On 25/07/2023 at 11:58, lifetime fan said:

Anyone else had to go through the absolute shitshow that is eNPS? We've spent an absolute obscene amount of money on an outside contractor to come in and do this for the business.

 

Number 1 area for improvement from employees is low wages.

Number 1 initiative outside contractor has come up with is managers phoning every member of staff once a month to ask them how their private life is 'so they feel valued as a colleague and not just an employee'. 

 

Just told my regional director to never bother calling me as the my response will consist of one word before I hang up, 'private'. 

 

55 minutes ago, cloggypop said:

 

Sack HR and pay the staff doing the home care more.

 

Welcome to my world! 

[tokyojoe]

4 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

I work for the largest home care company in the U.K., our corporate aims for this year are recruitment, retention and growth. 
 

In the last 12 months we’ve spent over £4 million on recruitment alone. In that 12 months we recruited 5,300 new staff but had 6,600 leave! 

How are the patients doing though?

[lifetime fan]

32 minutes ago, tokyojoe said:

How are the patients doing though?

I still work for them and haven’t gone to panorama so not too bad. 

[lifetime fan]

I’m manning our stand at a recruitment fair in Exeter today. 
 

The place is full of cunts who all obviously know each other and are talking corporate bollocks, fake laughing with each other and putting loads of photos on their work fb and instagram accounts. 
 

I’ve been here an hour and not a single person has come in yet! 

[Creator Supreme]

27 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

I’m manning our stand at a recruitment fair in Exeter today. 
 

The place is full of cunts who all obviously know each other and are talking corporate bollocks, fake laughing with each other and putting loads of photos on their work fb and instagram accounts. 
 

I’ve been here an hour and not a single person has come in yet! 

Nobody would blame you if you fucked off home and on the way out called in an air strike Col!

[lifetime fan]

16 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Nobody would blame you if you fucked off home and on the way out called in an air strike Col!

The local job centre have just turned up with about 200 claimants that are all obviously not working due to mental health, learning disabilities or physical health issues. I’m sure they have been threatened with sanctions if they didn’t attend and are just going round the room to walk straight out again. 
 

I had one lady who very obviously had a severe learning disability and was in a mobility scooter ask me for an application form! 

[lifetime fan]

I’ve already decided I’m fucking off at lunch time and going for a beer! 

[Creator Supreme]

41 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

The local job centre have just turned up with about 200 claimants that are all obviously not working due to mental health, learning disabilities or physical health issues. I’m sure they have been threatened with sanctions if they didn’t attend and are just going round the room to walk straight out again. 
 

I had one lady who very obviously had a severe learning disability and was in a mobility scooter ask me for an application form! 

Disgusting! Poor bastards, they've basically weaponised disability now.

 

41 minutes ago, lifetime fan said:

I’ve already decided I’m fucking off at lunch time and going for a beer! 

Good plan!

[lifetime fan]

3 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

Disgusting! Poor bastards, they've basically weaponised disability now.

That’s exactly what they’ve done the evil cunts. 
 

Its fucking horrible to watch, especially when you hate yourself for laughing at the kid who looks like Mr Been walking around in his funeral suit with a briefcase. 

[lifetime fan]

[sir roger]

2 hours ago, lifetime fan said:

I’m manning our stand at a recruitment fair in Exeter today. 
 

The place is full of cunts who all obviously know each other and are talking corporate bollocks, fake laughing with each other and putting loads of photos on their work fb and instagram accounts. 
 

I’ve been here an hour and not a single person has come in yet! 

 

They are obviously picking up on your

'Happy to be here ' vibe.

[lifetime fan]

1 minute ago, sir roger said:

 

They are obviously picking up on your

'Happy to be here ' vibe.

You couldn’t pick a more unsuitable person than me. 

[lifetime fan]

I’m sat in trap 3 having a crap and playing golf clash when two twats come in and are chatting about the recruitment fair. 
 

‘I think It’s been a really good day’

 

’Yeah me too, I don’t think we’ve got any potential recruits but we’ve really super smashed the social media angle’. 
 

‘Absolutely. What I really love is how the organic presence has developed’. 
 

I’m wiping my arse and packing up, fuck this, I can’t take it anymore.