Have a rant thread

[Trumo]

Lorry drivers. Utter scum. Had one tailgating me last week, about three foot from the back of my car, beeping and flashing me because he wanted to pass, even though I was doing 65-70 in the middle lane. Kept his lights on full beam for about five seconds trying to dazzle me. I slipped behind him and followed him for a whle, I was seriously plannng to follow him and kick shit out of him, but he went down the M6 toward Birmingham, it was Friday and I thought 'er, nah'.

 

 

[Section_31]

I'm Edward Furlong over here.

[TheBitch]

When people are describing someone another person likes (or indeed themselves) and assign ownership - so

'Steve likes his football' or 'Dave like his music' IT'S NOT FUCKING HIS!!!!

 

I know this is irrational but it really winds me up.

 

I've also been going to ante-natal classes someone has got my wife pregnant and they constantly refer to 'baby', not 'your baby' or 'the baby' and that fucking annoys me too. So, the woman will say 'Baby needs to be fed 6 times a day' or 'You'll need to take nappies to hospital for baby'

 

rico likes his rants.

[TheBitch]

It could have had a bomb on it, whereby the truck was full of orphan children and would explode if it went below 65mph.

 

You know, like that film, 'Speed'.

 

It was actually called "The bus that wouldn't slow down"

[rEddie]

"Aplomb". Fucking hate that word. Is it Motson or Davies who regularly says; ""...and xxxx finished with aplomb"? Piss off!

 

Oh and "existential". I have a prat in work who I'm sure adds a new word like this to basic conversations everytime he comes across one. I'm all for good vocabulary, but I don't want to hear "existential" if I'm talking about tits or a fry-up.

[Captain Turdseye]

Hoovering. More specifically hoovering carpets that refuse to be hoovered.

 

Mrs Turdseye has managed to end up pregnant, stupid woman, so the amount of hoovering I'm having to do (at least once a week) is fucking scandalous. Anyway, the carpet in our bedroom is cream and things stick to it like it's made of velcro. Little bits of fluff, strands of black cotton, etc. The hoover just passes over them, pisses me right off. I go in there, switch it on and within 10 seconds I can feel the rage building, it actually makes me feel like smashing the room up. I've just had to come downstairs for a smoke, she can fucking do that room when she gets in.

 

Fuck you, cream carpet, fuck you.

[md1892]

Hoovering. More specifically hoovering carpets that refuse to be hoovered.

 

Mrs Turdseye has managed to end up pregnant, stupid woman, so the amount of hoovering I'm having to do (at least once a week) is fucking scandalous. Anyway, the carpet in our bedroom is cream and things stick to it like it's made of velcro. Little bits of fluff, strands of black cotton, etc. The hoover just passes over them, pisses me right off. I go in there, switch it on and within 10 seconds I can feel the rage building, it actually makes me feel like smashing the room up. I've just had to come downstairs for a smoke, she can fucking do that room when she gets in.

 

Fuck you, cream carpet, fuck you.

 

I feel your pain brother, after all we are in very similar situations.

 

We just bought a new carpet for the living room & the stairs/landing.

 

She now decides she doesn't like the colour of the one in the living room, or the quality (It's the same fucking one as on the stairs), so has ordered another.

But it's OK because "we'll get the living room one put in the bedrooms".

 

Luckily it's always been a dream of mine since childhood to spend £1700 on carpets in 2 months FFS.

 

I swear to god if she wants one of those prams thats £3k when the time arrives, my future posting may be from a secure facility.

 

PS get yourself a 1500W + hoover that'll pull the carpet up.

[Champ]

Hoovering. More specifically hoovering carpets that refuse to be hoovered.

 

Mrs Turdseye has managed to end up pregnant, stupid woman, so the amount of hoovering I'm having to do (at least once a week) is fucking scandalous. Anyway, the carpet in our bedroom is cream and things stick to it like it's made of velcro. Little bits of fluff, strands of black cotton, etc. The hoover just passes over them, pisses me right off. I go in there, switch it on and within 10 seconds I can feel the rage building, it actually makes me feel like smashing the room up. I've just had to come downstairs for a smoke, she can fucking do that room when she gets in.

 

Fuck you, cream carpet, fuck you.

I think its your hoover mate (only, in the spirit of friendship do not even consider thinking of converting this into a Christmas present idea). Ours is the same; good on dust and crumbs and stuff but shite on stuff that 'sticks' to the carpet......I borrow my Mum's (funny how I call it hers, rather than my Mum and Dad's), Dyson every so often as its much better on threads and whatnot

[Liverpool lad]

Christmas night out swerved, great result

[Champ]

Hoovering. More specifically hoovering carpets that refuse to be hoovered.

 

Mrs Turdseye has managed to end up pregnant, stupid woman, so the amount of hoovering I'm having to do (at least once a week) is fucking scandalous. Anyway, the carpet in our bedroom is cream and things stick to it like it's made of velcro. Little bits of fluff, strands of black cotton, etc. The hoover just passes over them, pisses me right off. I go in there, switch it on and within 10 seconds I can feel the rage building, it actually makes me feel like smashing the room up. I've just had to come downstairs for a smoke, she can fucking do that room when she gets in.

 

Fuck you, cream carpet, fuck you.

I wouldnt want to betray a sister but why is it she had to give up hoovering? She's ok, isnt she?

[Captain Turdseye]

only, in the spirit of friendship do not even consider thinking of converting this into a Christmas present idea

 

Don't be daft, hoovers are expensive, I'm buying her an iron.

[Captain Turdseye]

I wouldnt want to betray a sister but why is it she had to give up hoovering? She's ok, isnt she?

 

I've taken it upon myself to do it, Cath. I'm nice like that.

 

As soon as that baby comes out, I'll go back to doing no housework at all. What do you think I am? A woman?

[dickie mint]

Don't be daft, hoovers are expensive, I'm buying her an iron.[/quote

 

 

 

Ha Ha,get one for a fiver in the Asda and spend the rest on Ale.

[Rico1304]

rico likes his rants.

 

True, I'm getting more and more grumpy. At said ante-natal class the wife had to put a soothing arm (that means grabbing me and glaring) when some daft cunt started blathering and talking shit. The detail is dull but his view was that we shouldn't question doctors. I pointed out that Harold Shipman was a doctor.

[jonnybastard]

Don't be daft, hoovers are expensive, I'm buying her an iron.

 

I made that mistake once, still got a triangular dent in my skull. Ungrateful cunt that she is.

[Hand Shandy]

 

True' date=' I'm getting more and more grumpy. At said ante-natal class the wife had to put a soothing arm (that means grabbing me and glaring) when some daft cunt started blathering and talking shit. The detail is dull but his view was that we shouldn't question doctors. I pointed out that Harold Shipman was a doctor.[/quote']

 

Hahahahahahaha!

 

I bet that got a good response from the expectant mothers...

[ZonkoVille77]

I feel your pain brother, after all we are in very similar situations.

 

We just bought a new carpet for the living room & the stairs/landing.

 

She now decides she doesn't like the colour of the one in the living room, or the quality (It's the same fucking one as on the stairs), so has ordered another.

But it's OK because "we'll get the living room one put in the bedrooms".

 

Luckily it's always been a dream of mine since childhood to spend £1700 on carpets in 2 months FFS.

 

I swear to god if she wants one of those prams thats £3k when the time arrives, my future posting may be from a secure facility.

 

PS get yourself a 1500W + hoover that'll pull the carpet up.

 

Oh get you and your 1700 on carpets. Fuck me

[Champ]

I've taken it upon myself to do it, Cath. I'm nice like that.

 

As soon as that baby comes out, I'll go back to doing no housework at all. What do you think I am? A woman?

 

I think you might have set a precedent there....its not like she's not going to have her hands full when the baby comes, huh?

 

I made that mistake once, still got a triangular dent in my skull. Ungrateful cunt that she is.

 

Tell me you're just joking...

[Champ]

The detail is dull but his view was that we shouldn't question doctors. I pointed out that Harold Shipman was a doctor.

 

Hahahahahahaha!

 

I bet that got a good response from the expectant mothers...

 

They sound like a right humourless lot.

 

Your good ladies got any weird cravings or aversions?

[Guest ShoePiss]

Lorry drivers. Utter scum. Had one tailgating me last week, about three foot from the back of my car, beeping and flashing me because he wanted to pass, even though I was doing 65-70 in the middle lane. Kept his lights on full beam for about five seconds trying to dazzle me. I slipped behind him and followed him for a whle, I was seriously plannng to follow him and kick shit out of him, but he went down the M6 toward Birmingham, it was Friday and I thought 'er, nah'.

 

I always assume the driver is asking for a brake test when they do that.

[jonnybastard]

[quote=

 

 

 

Tell me you're just joking...

 

Yeah, course I am, it was actually a Bea Smith type press and, secretly, she loves it. It was the set of pans I got battered for.

[Captain Turdseye]

I think you might have set a precedent there....its not like she's not going to have her hands full when the baby comes, huh?

 

You mean that I'll always have to contribute to the running of the house that we share as a couple?

 

That's some fucked up shit right there.

 

 

I'm a good boyfriend really. It's her birthday today, she's driving along to pick a curry up for us later and we're having a romantic night in front of the boxing on TV.

[Rico1304]

They sound like a right humourless lot.

 

Your good ladies got any weird cravings or aversions?

 

Dead right Champ, they are miserable. When we were talking about breast feeding and the milk coming in I asked the midwife how much grass the wife would have to eat. Not even a smile.

 

She's not had any cravings or illnesses - we've been really lucky.

[Bjornebye]

You mean that I'll always have to contribute to the running of the house that we share as a couple?

 

That's some fucked up shit right there.

 

 

I'm a good boyfriend really. It's her birthday today, she's driving along to pick a curry up for us later and we're having a romantic night in front of the boxing on TV.

 

quite romantic since yer maa's on the undercard.

 

nah mate i feel your pain with the cream carpet like. pain in the arse. you have to keep pullin shit out of it so the hoover picks it up. good rant .

[Champ]

Who would have thought your hoovering problems, CT, would get such a response