What is the maddest thing your bird has done?

[Harry Squatter]

You want to see all the videos that she sent my mate that were shown in court and the texts she sent him that were read out in a posh voice by his barrister.

 

"You did text my client on the 4th of March - come round to my house, fuck me up the arse, i'll suck your cock when you pull it out my arse and you can jizz on my face". The jury tried really hard to keep a straight face.

[Guest TesticleOReilly]

"You did text my client on the 4th of March - come round to my house, fuck me up the arse, i'll suck your cock when you pull it out my arse and you can jizz on my face". The jury tried really hard to keep a straight face.

 

Still got her number?

[TheBitch]

You want to see all the videos that she sent my mate that were shown in court and the texts she sent him that were read out in a posh voice by his barrister.

 

"You did text my client on the 4th of March - come round to my house, fuck me up the arse, i'll suck your cock when you pull it out my arse and you can jizz on my face". The jury tried really hard to keep a straight face.

 

Still got her number?

 

No. Seriously. I need this number.

[The-Sir]

Maddest thing my bird done?

 

Hmmm. It's difficult. There was this one time she started sleeping with some other lad. He came round to the house one night and stabbed me 18 times. That was pretty shitty like.

[The Special One]

Pete is too cool for school.

[Mendoza]

i havent got a bird at the minurte. of the birds i ve had i have n o interesting stoirtes to tell. i ve been drinking quite heavily tonight and need to listen to some m usic that moves me.

[stevebaby]

I had a barney last night with my Mrs. She tried to rip up my cards and passport, stab me with a broken glass, hit me serval times and then kicked me out in the middle of a blazzard at 11.30pm.

This has been happening every month now for how many years?

Welcome to married life.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Maddest thing my bird done?

 

Hmmm. It's difficult. There was this one time she started sleeping with some other lad. He came round to the house one night and stabbed me 18 times. That was pretty shitty like.

 

You're probably winning here. Is this facts?

 

*edit* I get it. Slowlie dangerously

[Stouffer]

Mrs Stouffer once ordered me a large kebap with garlick mayo instead of chilli sauce.

 

WhyIoughta

[Captain Turdseye]

my mate ended up stabbing him 18 times

 

As you do.

[23_Carra_Gold]

J_osFtSUQ-g

[dirty_sanchez]

My missus has never done anything more mental than having a few shouty strops.

 

That said though, she did once cry at Hollyoaks when she was on the blob. It was pretty sad though. Bombhead's mum had died and he was living with her in the house pretending that she was ok, Norman Bates style.

[RedinSweden]

Maddest thing my bird done?

 

Hmmm. It's difficult. There was this one time she started sleeping with some other lad. He came round to the house one night and stabbed me 18 times. That was pretty shitty like.

 

RIP The-Sir. Again.

[robbief]

Mt bird's boss. We hardly ever fight, we did however have an argument in town once. I went to Tranmere away and she went shopping and we met up afterwards for a drink. I wanted to get pissed and she wanted t ogo home so she fucked off in a mood. I ended up getting a taxi to hers an hour later after a few pints and she walked round the corner from the bus stop as I got out the cab. I said sorry and mad sex ensued in her mums kitchen.

 

She does go a bit nutty now and again thinking she looks horrible and stuff. She just decides shes going to stay in bed and that. She hasn't done it for a while though.......... Probably because last time she done it she thought we we're going to the Lakes for the weekend but I had booked to go to Paris as a suprise. It cost me a grand so I decided 'you can be a spoiled twat, I'm still going' and off I went. I forgot to tell her though and got a phone call a few hours later saying 'Where are you........'

 

My reply of 'By the fruitmachines in Manchester airport' didn't go down well.

[JimmyConway]

When I was 17 I used to date this girl,she was fit and at 17 was into kinky shit well beyond her years,anyway she told me her aunt was the editor of Vogue magazine.At the time I just thought "haha what a bullshitter" but the lies started to get more extravagant with each encounter and she just became the ultimate mind fuck so I proceeded to get rid.

Met her in the local park and told her it was finished,she just went apeshit,started throwing digs and shouting "you tramp,just fuck me and leave me is it" kids everywhere so I just walked away and she chased me,I mean a proper chase ensued ala benny hill,fucking nutter.

Still see her around now,she's got a kid with a bloke and seems normal but Im sure the mental girl is just simmering under that surface waiting to get out.

[melons]

My missus has never done anything more mental than having a few shouty strops.

 

That said though, she did once cry at Hollyoaks when she was on the blob. It was pretty sad though. Bombhead's mum had died and he was living with her in the house pretending that she was ok, Norman Bates style.

 

Yeah, but that was like a really, really, really sad ongoing storyline.

[dirty_sanchez]

Yeah, but that was like a really, really, really sad ongoing storyline.

 

It wasn't as sad as when Mercedes found out that Malachy was HIV positive and shouted "YER GEEERV MEEH EEEEERRDS!" at him.

[melons]

It wasn't as sad as when Mercedes found out that Malachy was HIV positive and shouted "YER GEEERV MEEH EEEEERRDS!" at him.

 

Yeah, i grew up and stopped watching it about 3/4 years ago. Who's Mercedes?

[Wor Horse]

Mt bird's boss. We hardly ever fight, we did however have an argument in town once. I went to Tranmere away and she went shopping and we met up afterwards for a drink. I wanted to get pissed and she wanted t ogo home so she fucked off in a mood. I ended up getting a taxi to hers an hour later after a few pints and she walked round the corner from the bus stop as I got out the cab. I said sorry and mad sex ensued in her mums kitchen.

 

She does go a bit nutty now and again thinking she looks horrible and stuff. She just decides shes going to stay in bed and that. She hasn't done it for a while though.......... Probably because last time she done it she thought we we're going to the Lakes for the weekend but I had booked to go to Paris as a suprise. It cost me a grand so I decided 'you can be a spoiled twat, I'm still going' and off I went. I forgot to tell her though and got a phone call a few hours later saying 'Where are you........'

 

My reply of 'By the fruitmachines in Manchester airport' didn't go down well.

 

[dirty_sanchez]

Yeah, i grew up and stopped watching it about 3/4 years ago. Who's Mercedes?

 

She's the mouthy foghorn from Yorkshire with the massive forehead and the great rack.

[Walton Park]

Funniest thread ever.

[manwiththestick]

Was just about to post something about the wife but i've just been the bog and found evidence that she's got the vampire teabags in. That rules the madness null and void, right?

[lifetime fan]

Was just about to post something about the wife but i've just been the bog and found evidence that she's got the vampire teabags in. That rules the madness null and void, right?

 

No, women are fucked up.

 

If we didn't do the shit that winds them up so much and makes them go crazy their lives would be hollow. They secretly want us to piss them off so they've got something to nag about.

 

Post away mate.

[manwiththestick]

I'll wait till the coast is clear; about 4 days I reckon.

[Dan S-T]

And he just slips it in like it's background info. Yeah, he stabbed him 18 times, but the guy lived and he's now got a job as a sieve, so every cloud an' all that.

 

hahaha classic