What is the maddest thing your bird has done?

[Ted]

Stupid bitches. "I don't want anything" is man code for "I want an Xbox with at least 8 games; some Issey Miyake and some Chanel Allure; some decent DVDs and some clothes."

 

Now iron my shirt.

[Trumo]

Issey Miyake? Good choice.

[Creator Supreme]

Christmas Presents annoys me, she's still like a kid when it comes to that arse of a day!

 

I'll spend a fortune on her, and I genuinely don't want anything, but does she listen, does she arse!

 

Worst thing is she's got me some really decent presents in the past (PS2, Nintendo DS, 19" LCD telly and Freeview Box for the room), but I never have time to use em, hence why I say I really don't want anything!!

 

She's pregnant over Christmas this year as well, I better not fuck up!!

[Guest davelfc]

Women will tell you that they don't want anything for birthdays, christmas and the like. But god help you if you ignore the millions of coded messages she will give you as to what she wants you to buy, usually starting at least two months before the event.

 

You see, us men we are the kids crossword in the beano, while women are the times crossword, only with no numbers on the clues and no actual crossword.

[lifetime fan]

I had a 2 inch nipple hair that I'd nicknamed Harry, I used to shampoo him extra special and he'd come out on special occasions at parties to entertain the crowd. His fans loved him.

 

One night I'd annoyed her over something, probably shitting over the back of the pan, and she pulled Harry out when I was asleep.

 

Bitch.

[Magic Sponge]

I had a 2 inch nipple hair that I'd nicknamed Harry, I used to shampoo him extra special and he'd come out on special occasions at parties to entertain the crowd. His fans loved him.

 

One night I'd annoyed her over something, probably shitting over the back of the pan, and she pulled Harry out when I was asleep.

 

Bitch.

 

R.I.P Harry.

 

Gone but never forgotten.

[melons]

I don't have to buy a man anything for christmas because i've not got one to buy for, i win.

 

I've placed a wish list for the kids and they get to go out and buy me what they decide i want most of that list. I swear to god if i don't get Marc Jacobs Lola i'm kicking them all out. I've left the boots fragrance page open repeatedly.

[Unrighteous]

Melons is guarenteed to get a film, that the kids want to watch, for christmas.

[lifetime fan]

Melons is guarenteed to get a film, that the kids want to watch, for christmas.

 

Thats the way it works, bollocks to getting the bird a new iron or set of pans to burn.

 

The missus is having a TaylorMade lob wedge this year.

[RedinSweden]

I get stuff for my kids that i want. Win.

[Guest davelfc]

I get stuff for my kids that i want. Win.

 

That works for a while, but just wait until your son is old enough to want that 20 year old hooker.

[RedinSweden]

That works for a while, but just wait until your son is old enough to want that 20 year old hooker.

 

We can share.

[Creator Supreme]

Melons is guarenteed to get a film, that the kids want to watch, for christmas.

 

'Throw Momma from the Train', perchance? ;)

[Creator Supreme]

We can share.

 

Aah, but what Rugby Team will he play for?? ;)

[Edward.]

I find that there is a danger that pouring boiling hot water into fine bone china cups first can damage or stain it.

[Guest davelfc]

Almost forgot this gem.

 

Once single and dealing with unbelievable crap from the ex, I used to go out with some mates on a Friday. We would hit a pub then this small club, we became regulars.

 

Anyway despite owning her own business and working long hours with three children the ex got a job behind the bar at this club, you guessed it, on a Friday night. Quite quickly the bar staffs attitude changed towards me as the venom leaked out.

 

I'd start talking to a woman in there and as soon as one of her mates had visited the bar it was the kiss of death.

 

Sometimes I envy widows, lucky bastards.

[Trumo]

I knew there was an appropriate song out there for this.

 

[YOUTUBE]wt3n-N8aOKU[/YOUTUBE]

[Paulie Dangerously]

Cried when I finished banging her up the arse due to the pain. When I asked why she didnt tell me to stop she said "i didn't want you too" but then preceded to hold the event against me for weeks.

[Markmywords]

Cried when I finished banging her up the arse due to the pain. When I asked why she didnt tell me to stop she said "i didn't want you too" but then preceded to hold the event against me for weeks.

 

I'm sorry, and the problem is?

[jonnybastard]

Cried when I finished banging her up the arse due to the pain. When I asked why she didnt tell me to stop she said "i didn't want you too" but then preceded to hold the event against me for weeks.

 

It's nice to see some real tears sometimes.

[The Chef]

She once said "why don't you make more effort? Suprise me now and then" Well i can take a hint. The next day, as she comes in from work, quick as a flash I jumped up and twatted her round the head with a pan. Boy was she suprised! It worked though, moments later she was bent over the sofa and I was nut deep up her arse- something she would never consider when she was conscious. Women, they might seem mad, but maybe we just need to listen.

 

Just pissed myself

[The Chef]

I had a 2 inch nipple hair that I'd nicknamed Harry, I used to shampoo him extra special and he'd come out on special occasions at parties to entertain the crowd. His fans loved him.

 

One night I'd annoyed her over something, probably shitting over the back of the pan, and she pulled Harry out when I was asleep.

 

Bitch.

 

And again

[Unrighteous]

It's nice to see some real tears sometimes.

 

Superb.

[Colonol]

Mine does that, and thinks I'm the weirdo because I do it the right way!!

 

Also, I prefer coffee (I have the occasional tea, but more often than not it's coffee), but she makes me tea when she's making the brews 9 times out of 10, because she couldn't be arsed making me coffee!!! Imagine the reaction if I made her coffee because I couldn't be arsed making her tea!!

 

Adding the milk first stops the protein in the milk from being destroyed due to hot temperatures and making it taste inferior. That's what a mate once told me and I have to agree it tastes slightly better with milk first. She my not be a nutter after all.

[Baresi]

Had an ex who said she'd wrote a song for me and proceeded to sing said song. A couple of weeks later this song was released by Another Level call 'Freak Me'. Weird twat.