What is the maddest thing your bird has done?

[stringvest]

She once said "why don't you make more effort? Suprise me now and then" Well i can take a hint. The next day, as she comes in from work, quick as a flash I jumped up and twatted her round the head with a pan. Boy was she suprised! It worked though, moments later she was bent over the sofa and I was nut deep up her arse- something she would never consider when she was conscious. Women, they might seem mad, but maybe we just need to listen.

 

Jonny, that is my post of the day. Fab.

[RedinSweden]

Some nut job women going on there. If it helps i think i've got one in the making. She's currently bouncing on the gym ball, twice this evening she's fell of it backwards and clonked her head. She's back on for the third time now.

 

SKI is not your "bird" melons. She is a friend.

[Istvan Kozma]

When I farted in the bed she said nothing, but the second I shit the bed all hell broke loose. Women eh.

She once shrunk her hat in the wash and then started crying. Daft mare.

[Markmywords]

I'd like to thank Davelfc for making me realise that my bird is actually not as crazy as I thought.

[Guest davelfc]

I'd like to thank Davelfc for making me realise that my bird is actually not as crazy as I thought.

 

Stole my passport

 

Stole my mobile phone.

 

One night she threw all my clothes out on to the road, smashed all of my after shaves and because one of my mates wives said a shirt suited me she ripped it up.

 

Attacked me with a cordless phone, smashed it on my head, no reason.

 

Again, no reason attacked me and scarred my chest.

 

In front of friends smashed a video cassette on my head.

 

Phoned all of my friends and told them the little things to tell your partners about your mates that they are not supposed to repeat.

 

Introduced my kids to my 'father' who I have not seen since I was 5 and contributed nothing.

 

When I moved out, used the hourly paid movers to clear out the loft of rubbish (she put it all in black bags and said it was my stuff) and with cups of tea etc took them two hours longer. I had to hire another van to move the rubbish.

 

Told my family and everyone that would listen that I beat her and my kids!

 

Ran a key over my car.

 

 

 

There's more, a lot more and a lot nastier but I prefer to forget a lot of it. Even thinking of that lot has annoyed me. I can only hope karma bites her hard on the arse. At least she never made the beans touch the egg on a breakfast, that's some crazy shot right there.

[Markmywords]

and was she always a bit tapped in the heed or did she get significantly worse after you got married and had kids?

[Guest davelfc]

and was she always a bit tapped in the heed or did she get significantly worse after you got married and had kids?

 

She was normal at first, really nice. Got worse later on. Was always possessive (watch them they're dangerous) and went mad after a miscarriage. I urged her to see someone as I could see the changes. I had to leave in the end, I was kicked out on a weekly basis and was starting to wake up to being attacked violently when I stayed. She would have a dream I was with another women.

 

Got to the point I couldn't go and even see the female doctor at my surgery without it all kicking off.

 

I'm sure my sarcasm and that I talk rather than shout didn't help.

[RedinSweden]

Nasty business that dave. Makes me appreciate Mrs RiS all the more.

[Get Carter]

Lived with a similar loon years ago.....Once punched fuck out of me driving home after a christening because I had spoken to my mates wife for too long.....Came in from a night out claiming i thought i was cool in my new glasses and promptly snapped them in half (i cant see without the fuckers!) and the final straw that made me realise i had to get out we were having an argument and she started pulling her own hair out of her head in the rage....

[Markmywords]

She was normal at first, really nice. Got worse later on. Was always possessive (watch them they're dangerous) and went mad after a miscarriage. I urged her to see someone as I could see the changes. I had to leave in the endQUOTE]

 

I'm of the opinion that the having of kids makes them crazy

 

My mrs was a bit highly strung before kids but since she has become completely lacking in self confidence, depressive at times (post natal), and worst of all massively keen on arguments. She can't get enough of them.

 

I'd like to employ a hermaphrodite referee to oversee things in our house.

[toneloc]

My wife has just had a baby actually, so you might be on to something there.

 

It was completely out of character.

 

Sounds like things are on the slide !!

[Unrighteous]

She once said "why don't you make more effort? Suprise me now and then" Well i can take a hint. The next day, as she comes in from work, quick as a flash I jumped up and twatted her round the head with a pan. Boy was she suprised! It worked though, moments later she was bent over the sofa and I was nut deep up her arse- something she would never consider when she was conscious. Women, they might seem mad, but maybe we just need to listen.

 

ahahahahahahahahaha!

[melons]

Bloody hell Dave that sounds like a complete nightmare.

 

To be fair i went a bit nuts after having the kids, but i'd of never broke anything, it'd need to be replaced. I went more of an autistic window licking loon with numbers.

 

Post Natal Illness is complex, it's not so much as a depressive it's the implications of the illness and the lack of sleep, the inability to cope or understand the reasons why they're behaving that way that make someone depressed.

 

Give the women time fellas, when they come out of it all they'll be almost as ace as i am.

[melons]

SKI is not your "bird" melons. She is a friend.

 

Funnily enough, she keeps repeating the same thing to me.

[Randy Marsh]

Some absolute stonking stories here which I cannot even begin to compete with.

 

Probably the thing which pisses me off most about my bird is her total disregard for small details on a food menu. She'll be ordering a dominos and will ask me what I want, and I'll tell her that I would like a Meteor. She then proceeds to tell the feller down the phone that I'd like a "Meaty feast thing". NO WOMAN, NO! Those are two totally different pizzas for fuck sake. Likewise, going through the maccy's drive-thru last night and I tell her to get me a sweet curry dip. Instead, she asks for a sweat chili dip. Why?

[Mel Wood]

Colour-coded her clotheshangers.

 

 

Probably the thing which pisses me off most about my bird is her total disregard for small details on a food menu. She'll be ordering a dominos and will ask me what I want, and I'll tell her that I would like a Meteor. She then proceeds to tell the feller down the phone that I'd like a "Meaty feast thing". NO WOMAN, NO! Those are two totally different pizzas for fuck sake. dip.

 

 

True, and the Meateor is the food of the gods. That's a sackable offence, that.

[Randy Marsh]

Colour-coded her clotheshangers.

 

 

 

 

 

True, and the Meateor is the food of the gods. That's a sackable offence, that.

 

Warning! The following content is NOT WORK SAFE. Click the Show button to reveal.

[The Great Jacko]

My missus is fucking nuts she actually pours the milk in first when brewing a cuppa.

[manwiththestick]

My missus is fucking nuts she actually pours the milk in first when brewing a cuppa.

 

What. The. Fuck. We have a winner.

[Trumo]

The Chinese missus of Section_31's mate doesn't like fat people because she thinks they're pre-disposed to crime. He kids you not.

[god knows]

Coming up to Christmas, Mrs Knows asks me what do I want for a present.

I give the age old reply " Dont bother about me love. I've got everything that I want!"

Come Christmas morning, the kids are opening the soon to be discarded presents that you've spent a thousand pounds on, I give her the £120 perfume she's been banging on about for the past 6 months.

"Happy Christmas Babe" I say.

"Oh thanks love" she says.

 

 

An uncomfortable couple of minutes go by.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I say "So where's my prezzie then?"

 

 

 

 

 

And her reply was "You said you didn't want one" And my reply

 

"But all fella's say that!"

 

And her reply" Well, how am I supposed to know that?"

 

 

 

 

 

Cunt

[The Special One]

Coming up to Christmas, Mrs Knows asks me what do I want for a present.

I give the age old reply " Dont bother about me love. I've got everything that I want!"

Come Christmas morning, the kids are opening the soon to be discarded presents that you've spent a thousand pounds on, I give her the £120 perfume she's been banging on about for the past 6 months.

"Happy Christmas Babe" I say.

"Oh thanks love" she says.

 

 

An uncomfortable couple of minutes go by.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I say "So where's my prezzie then?"

 

 

 

 

 

And her reply was "You said you didn't want one" And my reply

 

"But all fella's say that!"

 

And her reply" Well, how am I supposed to know that?"

 

 

 

 

 

Cunt

 

I can't gauge which of you is the bigger twat.

[Mustangt125]

This thread is hilarious

[She Knows It]

Coming up to Christmas, Mrs Knows asks me what do I want for a present.

I give the age old reply " Dont bother about me love. I've got everything that I want!"

Come Christmas morning, the kids are opening the soon to be discarded presents that you've spent a thousand pounds on, I give her the £120 perfume she's been banging on about for the past 6 months.

"Happy Christmas Babe" I say.

"Oh thanks love" she says.

 

 

An uncomfortable couple of minutes go by.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I say "So where's my prezzie then?"

 

 

 

 

 

And her reply was "You said you didn't want one" And my reply

 

"But all fella's say that!"

 

And her reply" Well, how am I supposed to know that?"

 

 

 

 

 

Cunt

 

I was in the same position (it's not just fellas) last year. I'm not making the same mistake again. I'm giving him a list. He's already told me 'Oh I don't want anything'. This year I'm taking that statement at face value.

[Creator Supreme]

My missus is fucking nuts she actually pours the milk in first when brewing a cuppa.

 

Mine does that, and thinks I'm the weirdo because I do it the right way!!

 

Also, I prefer coffee (I have the occasional tea, but more often than not it's coffee), but she makes me tea when she's making the brews 9 times out of 10, because she couldn't be arsed making me coffee!!! Imagine the reaction if I made her coffee because I couldn't be arsed making her tea!!