Instant cunt identifiers

[Dr Nowt]

With Skids on Faith No More.

 

That just came from out of nowhere.

[Tony Moanero]

People who wear sunglasses on their head when the sun has gone in should be punched in the face. 

[General Dryness]

With Skids on Faith No More.

 

That just came from out of nowhere.

 

Epic post mate.

[General Dryness]

Cunts who try to out-do you. 

 

This is an e-mail exchange I have had this afternoon with Andrew not Andy our IT wank-head (Read from the bottom up) 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Andrew

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:39

To: Damien

Subject: RE:

 

 I can beat you in the fan stakes mate, back in the days before email mailing lists they used to take down your addresses at the end of a gig and then send out a postcard to keep you up to date with the band

 

I have a postcard announcing the release of a new single entitled “supersonic” and telling people to go out and buy it. Hand written and signed by Liam

 

I actually got it on ebay for about £1.50 while I was just browsing

 

Try their unreleased tracks – things like Take me, See the sun, Colour My Life, Strange Thing… many more – they have at least an albums worth of unreleased material and if they put it together into one album it could easily rival their best work

 

From: Damien Peet

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:37

To: Andrew Staines

Subject: RE:

 

Yeah pretty much all of it fella, big fan. 

 

 

From: Andrew Staines

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:35

To: Damien Peet

Subject: RE:

 

Very underrated. Rapture is just a piece of sheer genius

 

I've actually seen them 4 times ! 

 

Have you ever heard their unreleased work?

 

From: Damien 

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:33

To: Andrew 

Subject: RE:

 

It was Liam’s voice that gave it away – it travels.

 

Good choice though underrated album. I saw them live twice on that tour.

 

From: Andrew 

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:32

To: Damien 

Subject: RE:

 

Sorry!! It’s weird how loud these headphones can be – I swear they’re louder externally than they are internally

 

Incidentally it’s dig out your soul

 

From: Damien 

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:31

To: Andrew 

Subject:

Importance: Low

 

Turn the music down a bit mate I can hear it from here ! 

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

What a fucking dickhead. He is 7 years younger than me as it is and he has the gall to say 'Back in the day' and then admit he got it from Ebay! Also, Ive actually seen them 4 times 'don't you know'. you posh little home counties twat that was twice on 1 fucking tour i've actually seen them about 16 times , half of them when you were probably still in school you fucking tube. 

 

Shaking in your boots scared of an IT geek? Fucking hell Stig.

 

I thought you would just get up and break his neck with one  of those quick head twists that they do in movies. And then left his body there to decompose as an example to all those who question your authority.

[Dr Nowt]

Epic post mate.

I suppose it was a small victory, of sorts.

[General Dryness]

I suppose it was a small victory, of sorts.

 

We'd better leave it now, people might think we care a lot.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Oasis piss all over Faith No More Skids you odd fucker.  

 

Haha! 

 

Reckon? 

 

Hahaha!

 

Oasis, one trick ponies (which they were good at) Faith No More versatile mother fuckers mixing all sorts of different genres.

 

There are galaxies separating the pure class of Patton as a frontman and Liam the massive bell whiff.

 

But I will keep educating you Stig don't worry.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

With Skids on Faith No More.

 

That just came from out of nowhere.

 

You sir are sitting in the land of sunshine

 

Epic post mate.

 

Take this bottle and we can show Stig that we care a lot.

[General Dryness]

He'll be falling to pieces the morning after, when we come from out of nowhere.

[Dr Nowt]

I'm just naked in front of the computer, chaps.

 

Das Schutzenfest it is.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Stig is just a Jizzlobber Crack Hitler. Maybe he could be a king for a day, but he will definitely be a fool for a lifetime.

[Bjornebye]

Skids looks ugly in the morning no matter how many pills he takes for breakfast

[Captain Turdseye]

Stig,

 

If you've got time to be engaging in lengthy email dialogue about a dodgy Beatles tribute band with someone who wears leaky headphones, you're not focussing on your job. Does your boss know about this, or she engaged in a rant on mumsnet about M-People?

Stig's definitely neglecting his work. He text me about 14 pictures of Purple Aki today.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Skids looks ugly in the morning no matter how many pills he takes for breakfast

You had to google that didn't you?

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Back to the cunts...

 

Traffic lights bring them out.  Motorists who think it's essential to accelerate like fucking drag racers, even though there's another set of lights 200 yards up the road.  Cunts who tailgate across pedestrian crossings, even when there's no room on the other side of the crossing, so that when the lights inevitably change pedestrians have to squeeze between their cars (or, buses - they're the worst for this).  Motorists who don't realise that at a junction your supposed to stop at the stop line and that the bit of road the other side of the stop line has a picture of a bike on it because it's for bikes.

 

If ever you fancy taking up cunt-spotting as a hobby, you could do worse than stake out a set of traffic lights.

[Bjornebye]

You had to google that didn't you?

I didnt mate . I like them, quite a bit actually. Just not as much as oasis.

[matt1983]

Back to the cunts...

 

Traffic lights bring them out. Motorists who think it's essential to accelerate like fucking drag racers, even though there's another set of lights 200 yards up the road. Cunts who tailgate across pedestrian crossings, even when there's no room on the other side of the crossing, so that when the lights inevitably change pedestrians have to squeeze between their cars (or, buses - they're the worst for this). Motorists who don't realise that at a junction your supposed to stop at the stop line and that the bit of road the other side of the stop line has a picture of a bike on it because it's for bikes.

 

If ever you fancy taking up cunt-spotting as a hobby, you could do worse than stake out a set of traffic lights.

...or roundabouts. Why do people assume you know which of the 5 exits they're going to take? Those things on the side of your headlights? Indicators. Use them. You cunts.

[Malarkey]

People who wear a hoodie with a pair of Canterbury tracksuit bottoms. In short, every motherfucking Irishman that ever existed. Including Gerry Adams.

[bouncebrigade]

People who wear sunglasses on their head when the sun has gone in should be punched in the face. 

 

You really are a thick cunt.

[Bjornebye]

You really are a thick cunt.

 

I think he means like this mate

 

 

It's sunny. you are wearing them to block out the suns rays. Put them on or fuck off.

 

Little curly cunt. 

[Captain Turdseye]

I think he means like this mate

 

 

It's sunny. you are wearing them to block out the suns rays. Put them on or fuck off.

 

Little curly cunt.

Take it to the Saville thread, you dirty bastard.

[setreal]

Oasis, Coldplay and Nickelback are my faves. Then top it off with an episode of Ally MacBeal and/or a movie starring Hugh Grant.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

People who go on holiday looking like Casper the friendly Ghost. Spend two weeks under the sun for eight hours a day covered in Trex. They come home looking like Purple Aki and whinge about peeling due to their ignorance of strict after sun care procedures including exfoliating and moiturizing. I'm a cunt for knowing that and so are they for ignoring it. Cunts.

[Dr Nowt]

* raises hand for being a cunt *

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

* raises hand for being a cunt *

You fuck off and take your Piz Buin with you.