Instant cunt identifiers

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Fucking cunts who pull out at a roundabout while you are already proceeding on it, causing you to nearly slam on and beep the old horn. Who then, as you drive up next to them, wind their windown down and start shouting the fucking odds.

 

Hang on a minute fuckface, you pulled out and nearly caused an accident. It was you who was the fucking cunt.

 

When you quote the actual fucking law of the road they respond with:

 

"You have got brakes haven't you?"

 

"You fucking pulled out you fucking tit and I'll fucking break your fucking face in a minute"

 

*Other driver puts foot on accelerator and skips red light*

 

I fucking despair.

[magicrat]

I go with the the highly sarcastic "thank you" in a loud voice when I pull my dogs to one side and let a jogger or cyclist past. I've noticed a correlation between the amount of lycra and a lack of manners; I don't expect flowers, a nod of acknowledgement would suffice.

It's a proven scientific fact that the amount of lycra worn is inversely proportional to the IQ of the wearer. Twats Law, take it to the bank

[Bjornebye]

Cunts who try to out-do you. 

 

This is an e-mail exchange I have had this afternoon with Andrew not Andy our IT wank-head (Read from the bottom up) 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Andrew
Sent: 09 July 2014 14:39
To: Damien
Subject: RE:

 

 I can beat you in the fan stakes mate, back in the days before email mailing lists they used to take down your addresses at the end of a gig and then send out a postcard to keep you up to date with the band

 

I have a postcard announcing the release of a new single entitled “supersonic” and telling people to go out and buy it. Hand written and signed by Liam

 

I actually got it on ebay for about £1.50 while I was just browsing

 

Try their unreleased tracks – things like Take me, See the sun, Colour My Life, Strange Thing… many more – they have at least an albums worth of unreleased material and if they put it together into one album it could easily rival their best work

 

From: Damien
Sent: 09 July 2014 14:37
To: Andrew
Subject: RE:

 

Yeah pretty much all of it fella, big fan. 

 

 

From: Andrew
Sent: 09 July 2014 14:35
To: Damien
Subject: RE:

 

Very underrated. Rapture is just a piece of sheer genius

 

I've actually seen them 4 times ! 

 

Have you ever heard their unreleased work?

 

From: Damien 
Sent: 09 July 2014 14:33
To: Andrew 
Subject: RE:

 

It was Liam’s voice that gave it away – it travels.

 

Good choice though underrated album. I saw them live twice on that tour.

 

From: Andrew 
Sent: 09 July 2014 14:32
To: Damien 
Subject: RE:

 

Sorry!! It’s weird how loud these headphones can be – I swear they’re louder externally than they are internally

 

Incidentally it’s dig out your soul

 

From: Damien 
Sent: 09 July 2014 14:31
To: Andrew 
Subject:
Importance: Low

 

Turn the music down a bit mate I can hear it from here ! 

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

What a fucking dickhead. He is 7 years younger than me as it is and he has the gall to say 'Back in the day' and then admit he got it from Ebay! Also, Ive actually seen them 4 times 'don't you know'. you posh little home counties twat that was twice on 1 fucking tour i've actually seen them about 16 times , half of them when you were probably still in school you fucking tube. 

[bouncebrigade]

You might want to remove the surnames in that e-mail exchange...

[Yozzer]

People who get on the bus, sit at the back and then shout the whole fucking place down so everyone can hear their conversation.

Was on the bus through Wavertree today and these two birds got on, sat down at the back and announced to everyone that they're sick of everyone dyeing their hair blonde for about 5 mins. Fuck off you loud mouthed, vacuous beauts - I was half tempted to launch them onto the Edge Hill train tracks.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

Cunts who try to out-do you. 

 

This is an e-mail exchange I have had this afternoon with Andrew not Andy our IT wank-head (Read from the bottom up) 

 

 

 

Edit: Just punch the cunt in the face. Dead hard.

 

"Back in the day" would have made him 1 when Definitely Maybe came out wouldn't it?

 

Probably likes Kasabian as well the twat.

[PestiRed]

I saw them before they were famous at a gig in Birmingham with about 20 people in the room. And I was at Knebworth, amongst many other gigs. I presume that I now own both Stig and Andrew

[Bjornebye]

You might want to remove the surnames in that e-mail exchange...

 

Yeah can someone do that?

 

Ta 

[Bobby Hundreds]

I can't bring myself to wear sunglasses. I just think everyone wearing them looks like a twat. Its weird they can be useful they serve a purpose. Whenever I see someone wearing them I just think look at that vain twat thinking he's fucking Rockn roll. So I squint or get a tired arm casting a shadow over my eyes or blind myself in a car because if it put sunglasses on I'd think who the fuck do I think I am fucking ice man. So I'm torn between the guy in the sun glasses being an instant cunt or the guy sat facing the sun with his arms raised to his eyes so he can see being a cunt.

[stringvest]

Stig,

 

If you've got time to be engaging in lengthy email dialogue about a dodgy Beatles tribute band with someone who wears leaky headphones, you're not focussing on your job.  Does your boss know about this, or she engaged in a rant on mumsnet about M-People?

[PestiRed]

Also, if you are close enough that you can hear the music, why are you communicating by email rather than just talking

[stringvest]

Also, if you are close enough that you can hear the music, why are you communicating by email rather than just talking

 

no audit trail when it comes to disciplinary procedures.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

no audit trail when it comes to disciplinary procedures.

Stig should be given a final warning for trying to talk music.

[PestiRed]

no audit trail when it comes to disciplinary procedures.

Any half decent union rep would rip you apart for going straight to recorded rather than a quick and polite face to face request.

[Bjornebye]

Also, if you are close enough that you can hear the music, why are you communicating by email rather than just talking

 

It was that loud in his earphones, he is across from me. Plus he wouldn't have fucking heard me anyway

 

aids 

[stringvest]

Any half decent union rep would rip you apart for going straight to recorded rather than a quick and polite face to face request.

 

no unions where Stig's working Pesti

[PestiRed]

Disgraceful sweat shop working conditions in that there London

[Bjornebye]

Oasis piss all over Faith No More Skids you odd fucker.  

[Boss]

I saw them before they were famous at a gig in Birmingham with about 20 people in the room. And I was at Knebworth, amongst many other gigs. I presume that I now own both Stig and Andrew

 

I saw them in Noels bedroom when he was 7, he played Shakermaker on an Epiphone Dolphin with Liam singing on the bed and their mum screaming from downstairs to turn the racket down.

[Yozzer]

I saw them in Noels bedroom when he was 7, he played Shakermaker on an Epiphone Dolphin with Liam singing on the bed and their mum screaming from downstairs to turn the racket down.

 

Are you Rolf Harris communicating to us via prison?

[Adebisi]

People that post links to that Buzzfeed website on facebook. Because why write articles with words and stuff when you can just use a GIF or hilarious image to make your point? Here's an example for those unfamiliar with this shite - http://www.buzzfeed.com/laraparker/things-all-naturally-skinny-people-hate

Sometimes replying with a GIF is funny and says more than words ever could, but seriously 1.6 million+ views for that shite? Jesus fucking wept. 

[stringvest]

I saw them in Noels bedroom when he was 7, he played Shakermaker on an Epiphone Dolphin with Liam singing on the bed and their mum screaming from downstairs to turn the racket down.

 

I was knobbing his mum at the time.  It was me she was talking to about keeping the noise down.

[Stu Monty]

Cunts who try to out-do you. 

 

This is an e-mail exchange I have had this afternoon with Andrew not Andy our IT wank-head (Read from the bottom up) 

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From: Andrew

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:39

To: Damien

Subject: RE:

 

 I can beat you in the fan stakes mate, back in the days before email mailing lists they used to take down your addresses at the end of a gig and then send out a postcard to keep you up to date with the band

 

I have a postcard announcing the release of a new single entitled “supersonic” and telling people to go out and buy it. Hand written and signed by Liam

 

I actually got it on ebay for about £1.50 while I was just browsing

 

Try their unreleased tracks – things like Take me, See the sun, Colour My Life, Strange Thing… many more – they have at least an albums worth of unreleased material and if they put it together into one album it could easily rival their best work

 

From: Damien Peet

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:37

To: Andrew Staines

Subject: RE:

 

Yeah pretty much all of it fella, big fan. 

 

 

From: Andrew Staines

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:35

To: Damien Peet

Subject: RE:

 

Very underrated. Rapture is just a piece of sheer genius

 

I've actually seen them 4 times ! 

 

Have you ever heard their unreleased work?

 

From: Damien 

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:33

To: Andrew 

Subject: RE:

 

It was Liam’s voice that gave it away – it travels.

 

Good choice though underrated album. I saw them live twice on that tour.

 

From: Andrew 

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:32

To: Damien 

Subject: RE:

 

Sorry!! It’s weird how loud these headphones can be – I swear they’re louder externally than they are internally

 

Incidentally it’s dig out your soul

 

From: Damien 

Sent: 09 July 2014 14:31

To: Andrew 

Subject:

Importance: Low

 

Turn the music down a bit mate I can hear it from here ! 

 

 

 

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

What a fucking dickhead. He is 7 years younger than me as it is and he has the gall to say 'Back in the day' and then admit he got it from Ebay! Also, Ive actually seen them 4 times 'don't you know'. you posh little home counties twat that was twice on 1 fucking tour i've actually seen them about 16 times , half of them when you were probably still in school you fucking tube. 

 

Negged for talking about Oasis' 14th album as if it is actually something worth talking about.

 

Oh, and he's a well better fan that you. You fucking part-timer.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Yeah that buzzfeed looks shit but it did just make me find this

 

 

 

[moof]

Sunglasses don't make you an instant cunt. WTF? They are absolutely essential. How the fuck else are you meant to stare at other birds without your bird knowing?