Serious things you shouldn't laugh at

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Just went into the garden for my last ciggie of the night like you do. So there i was puffing away and thinking that my missus ain't gonna be chuffed as i said i'd be going to bed a few hours ago when i heard loud snoring. Looked in the neighbours garden and noticed someone was sleeping on one of those garden bed thingamajigs. So being the good neighbour that i am i woke the silly fuck up in case he had fallen asleep like the drunken bum he is. Turns out his missus had locked him out again for going on the piss all day without her knowing. He asked if he could kip down on our sofa ( no fucking chance ) and i said why don't you go in your own house being as the front door is wide open. He could hardly walk so i thought i would help him into his house. Front room was fucking half empty and it looks like his missus has fucked off with all the good stuff. I shouldn't have laughed, but i did.

 

Decent neighbourhood apart from this family, hopefully he'll fuck off as well.

[Mendoza]

A man died after falling off a bucket of mayonnaise and stabbing himself in the heart with an electric drill.

 

Araz Saleh, 23, was balancing on the industrial-sized bucket while drilling a hole in a wall when he slipped, accidentally driving the power tool into his chest.

 

An inquest at Oxford Coroner's Court heard the 23-year-old was fixing metal panels to the side of a friend's fast food kiosk when he lost his footing.

 

He had been balancing with one foot on the bucket and the other on a table.

As he fell his left shoulder hit a wall and the drill, which was in his hand, was pressed into his chest.

 

His friend Salam Kiras said: 'Then I saw blood gushing out.'

He told how he tried desperately to stem the blood flow before running to a nearby kebab shop to get help.

 

Staff in the kebab shop raised the alarm with paramedics who rushed to the scene, in Gloucester Green, Oxford.

Mr Saleh, of Greater Leys, Oxford, was taken to the John Radcliffe Hospital where he died the following day, December 1, 2010.

 

Detective Inspector Suzette Allcorn told the inquest at Oxford: 'It was an incredibly unusual injury.

'But there was no evidence of any foul play, and the police conclusion was that this was a tragic accident.'

Coroner Nicholas Gardiner recorded a verdict of accidental death.

 

 

Shop fitter died after falling from giant bucket of mayonnaise and stabbing himself in the heart with electric drill | Mail Online

[Guest davelfc]

His friend Salam Kiras said: 'Then I saw blood gushing out.'

He told how he tried desperately to stem the blood flow before running to a nearby kebab shop to get help.

 

Doesn't mention the 15 minutes in the queue there, but chilli sauce please, no mayo.

[Trumo]

Is he going to Hell(mans)?

 

Seriously though, what a stupid way to go.

[silverlining]

A man died after falling off a bucket of mayonnaise and stabbing himself in the heart with an electric drill.

 

Araz Saleh, 23, was balancing on the industrial-sized bucket while drilling a hole in a wall when he slipped, accidentally driving the power tool into his chest.

 

An inquest at Oxford Coroner's Court heard the 23-year-old was fixing metal panels to the side of a friend's fast food kiosk when he lost his footing.

 

He had been balancing with one foot on the bucket and the other on a table.

As he fell his left shoulder hit a wall and the drill, which was in his hand, was pressed into his chest.

 

His friend Salam Kiras said: 'Then I saw blood gushing out.'

He told how he tried desperately to stem the blood flow before running to a nearby kebab shop to get help.

 

Staff in the kebab shop raised the alarm with paramedics who rushed to the scene, in Gloucester Green, Oxford.

Mr Saleh, of Greater Leys, Oxford, was taken to the John Radcliffe Hospital where he died the following day, December 1, 2010.

 

Detective Inspector Suzette Allcorn told the inquest at Oxford: 'It was an incredibly unusual injury.

'But there was no evidence of any foul play, and the police conclusion was that this was a tragic accident.'

Coroner Nicholas Gardiner recorded a verdict of accidental death.

 

 

Shop fitter died after falling from giant bucket of mayonnaise and stabbing himself in the heart with electric drill | Mail Online

 

Hahahaha!

 

It's like a shit, low-budget urban version of "Final Destination"

[VladimirIlyich]

When the paramedics arrived they sadly announced that the victim was a Doner.

[md1892]

Not all bad news as he had a doner card

[Yoda]

Blatant case of murder covered up by such a monumentally ridiculous story the Feds bought it

[Section_31]

A man died after falling off a bucket of mayonnaise and stabbing himself in the heart with an electric drill.

 

Now that's what I'm talkin' bout.

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Some horrible news at the moment, reminding me of man's inhumanity to man - and the homophobic insults we used to dole out all the time.

 

The Syrian army keep bombing Homs.

[Section_31]

Some horrible news at the moment, reminding me of man's inhumanity to man - and the homophobic insults we used to dole out all the time.

 

The Syrian army keep bombing Homs.

 

Another ace shout, always makes me chortle when I hear it on the news, Homer Simpson style, 'ha ha, Homs!'.

[King Gheedorah]

Doesn't mention the 15 minutes in the queue there, but chilli sauce please, no mayo.

 

Who on earth has mayo on their kebab? You can argue a case for garlic mayo however.

[Guest davelfc]

Who on earth has mayo on their kebab? You can argue a case for garlic mayo however.

 

An idiot we used to drink with, end of the night a nice kebab with chilli sauce and this tosser would insist on mayo instead. It's against god and nature.

[King Gheedorah]

An idiot we used to drink with, end of the night a nice kebab with chilli sauce and this tosser would insist on mayo instead. It's against god and nature.

 

What a weirdo. Good to know that you don't socialise with this person anymore.

 

Sorry for derailing the thread.

 

The headline "Syrian forces pound Homs" made me giggle a bit.

[dennis tooth]

BBC News - Gritting lorry crashes into house in Cambridgeshire

[Trumo]

BBC News - Gritting lorry crashes into house in Cambridgeshire

 

Police are investigating the cause of the crash...

 

The council said it would not speculate on what caused the crash.

 

I'd put money on it being black ice.

[lifetime fan]

Over Christmas I helped out with an activity club for autistic kids, one day I had to ask this 6 year old kid to stop swearing.

 

He kept riding around on his bike shouting 'beep, beep, get out of the way you cunt' when there was no one near him.

 

This young lads dad was slightly late to pick him up so I was with the kid waiting for his old man, as soon as his old man gets there he immediately apologises and we start chatting. At this point his son comes up to him and tells his dad he had been told off earlier for swearing.

 

The dad asked him what he had said and the young lad then started to run around the room doing the beep, beep, cunt trick again. At this point I'm struggling not to piss my self laughing when the young lad comes running up to his dad and says;

 

'but it's alright dad, you do that all the time when you're driving'.

[Mendoza]

A MAN who suffered serious burns when friends lit a firecracker in his bum says he was just showing his visiting mates a Territory good time.

 

Alex Bowden, 23, of Wagaman, Darwin, put a spinning "flying bee"winged firework in his butt crack during a party at a rented house on Rossiter St, Rapid Creek on Saturday night.

 

His mate Todd Lovell lit the fuse.

 

"I had a few lads up from Queensland and I had to put on a good show," he told the NT News from his hospital bed.

 

"I just had a few beers with the boys and let off a few firecrackers.

 

"And I put one in my arse."

 

Mr Bowden was wearing trousers at the time and took it standing up.

 

"It didn't burn my balls or my back," the fitter and turner said.

 

"Just my fingers and my arse. "It was a pretty loose one, hey."

 

The cracker burned his bum cheeks, and his index, middle, and ring fingers on his right hand - which he used to pull the cracker from his crack.

 

Mr Bowden was not bleeding after it and he could walk afterwards.

 

His mate Reece McEwen said: "He screamed a little bit and there were a fair few f-words".

 

But Mr Bowden denied that there were tears.

 

"You can't sit here crying," he said.

 

His sober mate then drove him to the Royal Darwin Hospital burns unit where he is expected to remain for a few days.

 

He was in a stable condition last night.

 

His only request was "a big shout-out to the boys in Dalby" - the Queensland town where he grew up.

 

Mr Bowen said his mother "thought it was funny".

 

"It's not as bad as everyone is saying," he said.

 

The police confiscated the fireworks when they arrived at the house.

 

But the party could expect a $282 fine from NT Police for setting off fireworks outside of Territory Day.

 

Stuck a cracker in his clacker | News | NT News | Darwin, Northern Territory, Australia | ntnews.com.au

 

[Uncle_Meat]

Girl with head stuck in biscuit tin. Says she was very distressed and all that but, fuck me, I would have been laughing like a drain seeing that.

 

 

BBC News - Girl gets head wedged in biscuit tin in Southport

[Bjornebye]

[dickie mint]

 

 

Shitbag.

[Joe Le Taxi]

Adalia Rose

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Girl with head stuck in biscuit tin. Says she was very distressed and all that but, fuck me, I would have been laughing like a drain seeing that.

 

 

BBC News - Girl gets head wedged in biscuit tin in Southport

I pissed myself when I heard that. The fire brigade had to free her!

[Mendoza]

Pervert caught pleasuring himself in slurry for third time (From This is The West Country)

[AngryOfTuebrook]

Pervert caught pleasuring himself in slurry for third time (From This is The West Country)

Superb! Comedy gold!

 

“The family have to regularly check their livestock, outbuildings and equipment, as he has masturbated in a muck spreader"

 

The fact that the site is called This is the West Country really doesn't help to alleviate any stereotypes.

 

He looks a bit like General Zod's henchman, too - which is disturbing.