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Uncle_Meat

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Everything posted by Uncle_Meat

  1. I've not looked into this kind of thing for a while, but you used to have to be able to shoehorn better software upon them to get decent use out of them. I used to have this crappy no-name thing, which at the time was a quarter of the price of usual ones, with crappy software upon it. I was able to flash a WinCE image upon it and then install iGo (preferred that to tomtom) which was quite decent at the time. I just use my Android phone for that kind of thing nowadays. I've got the Sygic software, which uses the TomTom maps, and that's good enough for my needs.
  2. This. I lost entire days to the first one but the second just didn't grip me in the same way. Hmm. Looks like I might need to buy myself a nice new fancy GFX card for Xmas if I want to play this at a decent framerate.
  3. Following reconstructive surgery after an unfortunate accident involving a Morris Minor and a Morris dancer in Morrisons car park, James Morrison had his entire skellington replaced with iron girders as a tribute to his favourite Scottish drink, Innes & Gunn Rum Cask.
  4. Mark Walters has got electric light, second sight and amazing powers of observation. Unfortunately, whenever he tries to phone home there is never anybody there.
  5. Ignoring all the record sales shit, I'm going for Cher. For her throat, just like Sonny did. She just annoys the fuck out of me.
  6. Paolo Maldini wrote the song "Candy" for Paolo Nutini. The dour minor chords are a reflection of his state of mind following Milan losing a certain European cup final to some team from the north west of England.
  7. John Scales has never weighed himself. When asked what he weighs, he answers "Sweets. lol" in a cheeky but endearing plug for his burgeoning lemon sherbet enterprise.
  8. Fuck me, there's a blast from the past. When I used to work on Dale Street I used to go there almost every morning for the same, crispy bacon with donkey sauce on a crusty cob. Absolutely lovely. Do the comedy lesbians still have the paper shop next door?
  9. The main sticking point about Raheem Sterling's contract is that, ironically, he wishes to be paid in sterling silver cutlery. He loves it.
  10. He can pinch my bog seat any time he likes, the big leg.
  11. Naa, I'm sorted here in my stronghold in Wales. Got chickens for eggs, pigs for bacon and pork chops, polytunnels for veg, a herd of narky cows for milk and to also defend the perimeter and some sheep for wool. You come here throwing bars of gold at me, wanting in, and I'll just sit there smug as fuck with my cup of tea and egg and bacon banjo.
  12. As well as crows feet around his eyes, Steve McManaman also has sparrows feet at the end of his legs.
  13. Gold won't be of any use to you soon enough. You're better off investing in a load of Pot Noodles instead. They'll survive the Apocalypse well enough.. Come 2013 your shoebox full of Lizzie Duke castaways with be worth fuck all compared to the 24 tins of butter beans, home made jam and boxes of Ryvita that I've got underneath the stairs.
  14. The greatest trick that Georgi Kinkladze ever performed was convincing the world, whilst executing a triple stepover, that he didn't exist. To this day, no-one knows where his wages ended up, but there are suggestions that it is used to fund a Free Keilbasa Sausage Friday Fest for the good inhabitants of Tbilisi. That and international terrorism.
  15. Working away from home, obviously. He'll come back and entrance the locals with tales of horseless carriages, magical candles that light themselves at the flick of a switch and real glass windows.
  16. In order to make up for the lack of trick photography in spot the ball competitions in the 1970s, a lot of league games were actually played with an invisible ball containing an invisible mouse. The players used to have ear implants so they could hear where the ball was, but this practice was scrapped after the invention of more advanced photo manipulation techniques, which were themselves triggered in the aftermath of the great feline pitch invasion of Burnden Park, where sadly 14 milkmen lost their lives and countless locals lost their supply of milk. A legacy which can still be seen today in the spindly fragile legs and dodgy teeth of the population of Bolton today.
  17. As a forfeit for not saving Hoddles penalty in the '82 FA Cup Final, QPR goalkeeper Peter Hucker was obliged to eat his own body weight in Peek Freans Bourbon biscuits. Not only did Pete complete the feat, he also managed a packet of Matchmakers, a 24 box of Football Crazies and an entire gallon of Quattro.
  18. Mark Wright is able to warp space-time due to a black hole in his left knee. This is what made him look slow to an outside observer, as in his own relative space-time he was able to reach a top speed of 43 Mph.
  19. The Who - Birmingham NEC 1989 Hawkwind - Reading Uni, can't remember the year. 90s, anyway. Roy Harper - Mountford Hall. Remarkable for staying behind for an hour or so with the man himself, having a smoke, a chat and a few more songs.
  20. Ex Tranmere defender Ged Brannan is allergic to glass, it makes his lips catch fire. He carries a plastic Dora the Explorer beaker with him at all times for whenever he is offered a cold drink. Djimi Traore has never seen his own shadow, stroked a cat or slept horizontally. Steve Harkness was rejected from the Army for attracting enemy fire.
  21. Been there, done that, bought the T-Shirt with the odd score I've had along the way. Just saying, if you are scratching, be careful as they're all over that kind of shit at the moment. I don't have a problem with anyone getting the odd couple of quid here and there just to help make ends meet or to get the odd bill or two out of the way, it's the ones who take the piss and earn 100's who annoy me. Years ago when I was on the dole I was helping a mate of mine change a gearbox in a Ford Sierra. Someone bubbled me, or they saw me or something, and I got pulled in over it. Had murder over that, convincing them that I'm not earning as such, just doing a mate a favour and at best I'll be getting a chippy tea and a couple of pints out of it.
  22. *sensible mode* Do it properly, cards in or reg as self employed with basic cash in/out accounts at least. Be careful if you're still scratching as the dole are all over building sites and places like that, especially at this time of year with work being thin on the ground. You'll end up on page 7 of The Echo with one of those "Cross dresser from Nantwich commits £5000 of benefit fraud." type headlines.
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