Family Strife

[Captain Turdseye]

Fuck me, Bob. Going through the wringer at the minute, eh, mate?

 

I don’t know what to say. 

[Captain Turdseye]

Keep ranting, man. That’s what the GF is here for. 

[Bjornebye]

Keep strong Bob you’ll get through this 

[Captain Willard]

8 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

Fucking hell it’s hard work this life isn’t it?

 

After years of pussyfooting around after the end of my marriage trying to make decisions which would have the best chance of pacifying people and leaving calm waters, it’s blown up to this.

 

40 minutes of earache on the phone - dogs abuse at times - only not hanging up because I can’t not have my say back.

 

hundreds, probably thousands of words back in stream after stream of text after - each one more hurtful, vitriolic and vindictive than the last.

 

so that’s it. The end, the final drawn line in the sand, the full and final destruction of any remaining relationship with my dying ex-wife, with as yet untold impact on our daughter that will probably only come out in future costly counselling sessions, and all too late to save the best relationship I’ve ever had.

 

fuck it all.

Sorry to hear that. I had something similar sounding with my ex wife who subsequently died Of cancer. A lot of unbelievable hatred and anger to me even though she ran off with someone else. I think looking back she was terrified and resentful that she was dying and I wasn’t. I didn’t realise this at the time so reacted and predictably things quickly got very toxic for the kids. Probably my biggest regret in life. Try to stay calm, cut her some slack because she’s dying and focus on your daughter, that’s my only advice. 

[Bob]

17 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Sorry to hear that. I had something similar sounding with my ex wife who subsequently died Of cancer. A lot of unbelievable hatred and anger to me even though she ran off with someone else. I think looking back she was terrified and resentful that she was dying and I wasn’t. I didn’t realise this at the time so reacted and predictably things quickly got very toxic for the kids. Probably my biggest regret in life. Try to stay calm, cut her some slack because she’s dying and focus on your daughter, that’s my only advice. 

Thanks. That all sounds familiar but the slack has been cut time and time and time again. The message I woke up to this morning is just evil in a WhatsApp. 

I know she is suffering but that doesn’t give her the right to be so hurtful and show me such little consideration and compassion.

 

If she wasn’t dying, or if she wasn’t single, this whole things wouldn’t exist. Our relationship would be one of smiling from a distance when we both end up at things because of our daughter and being as pleasant and civil as necessary at Christmas and birthdays and that’s all. We would both have just moved on and got on with our lives.

Maybe my girlfriend would’ve still left me, because maybe I’m shit in other ways and I know it’s not wholly and solely this issue with my ex wife that is the cause and reason, but honestly I don’t think she would’ve. I think she’d be here still but telling me to buck up my ideas around the other stuff.

 

Anyway, I’m over sharing and I’ve got work to do.

 

out.

[Captain Turdseye]

On the rare occasion me and my bird argue, I’ve always fucking hated doing it by text message. She could send four essays by the time I’d managed to send a shorter reply to to the first one. 
 

I just started saying “I’ve told you, I’m not gonna discuss anything through angry texting, you crack on if you like but don’t expect me to reply” and it put a stop to it. Also then by the time I’d see her later, most of it would have blown over. 

[Captain Turdseye]

On 21/08/2022 at 11:49, Captain Turdseye said:

I’ve simply stopped speaking to my mum and dad. It’s much easier that way. They add nothing worthwhile to my life and I’m already thinking about the inevitable funeral costs that I’ll be landed with. 
 

To be fair to my ma, she texts on my birthday and Xmas day, but never on any of the kids birthdays or special days, etc. 

 

 

Got a message from my sister a month or two ago saying that my ma had come into some money. Not much, backpay from the dole or some shit, but she’d given my sisters £100 each and asked them to pass £100 to me. I told my sisters to keep it but they said no, so I took it and just split it three ways into my kids bank accounts. I don’t want her money. 
 

Anyway, turns out that she’d used a chunk of it to pay off her own funeral. That’s genuinely the most thoughtful thing she’s done for years. I was actually impressed. 
 

She’s in hospital now with Covid and pneumonia. Pretty sure she’s on the mend but I did drop her a text the other day just to say if she was bored and lonely in there I’m here to chat shite.  

[Section_31]

33 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

 

 

Got a message from my sister a month or two ago saying that my ma had come into some money. Not much, backpay from the dole or some shit, but she’d given my sisters £100 each and asked them to pass £100 to me. I told my sisters to keep it but they said no, so I took it and just split it three ways into my kids bank accounts. I don’t want her money. 
 

Anyway, turns out that she’d used a chunk of it to pay off her own funeral. That’s genuinely the most thoughtful thing she’s done for years. I was actually impressed. 
 

She’s in hospital now with Covid and pneumonia. Pretty sure she’s on the mend but I did drop her a text the other day just to say if she was bored and lonely in there I’m here to chat shite.  

 

When my mum's fella died I had to pay for the funeral even though we couldn't stand each other because, even though my mum had been saying for years they should take out a plan, he always refused. 

 

This was the most 'in character' decision I can imagine, his thought process would have been 'I won't be here anyway so who gives a fuck what it costs anyone else.' 

[lifetime fan]

Think I’ve mentioned this in one thread or another every single year for the 18 years I’ve been posting here. 
 

But Christmas, divorced parents and splitting time between them and your own life/family is a major cunt of an operation every fucking time. 
 

And then they wonder why you hate Christmas. 

[Creator Supreme]

My head continues to be fucked.

 

Mum who has dementia is now in a care home, most likely permanently. I doubt she'll last another 12 months.

 

Dad has been in hospital with an infection for over a fortnight, he's very frail and has lost a lot of weight (he was skinny to start with), developed pneumonia last week and it looked like he was on his way out. Fair does to the old fucker, he's fought back, but he will need rehab including physio before he goes back home which will be a long drawn out process by the look of it.

 

My sister and myself are run ragged with going back and forth to them, along with dealing with our own families.

 

I'm so tired I could do with 6 months off work, but that won't pay the mortgage will it?

[Champ]

15 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

My head continues to be fucked.

 

Mum who has dementia is now in a care home, most likely permanently. I doubt she'll last another 12 months.

 

Dad has been in hospital with an infection for over a fortnight, he's very frail and has lost a lot of weight (he was skinny to start with), developed pneumonia last week and it looked like he was on his way out. Fair does to the old fucker, he's fought back, but he will need rehab including physio before he goes back home which will be a long drawn out process by the look of it.

 

My sister and myself are run ragged with going back and forth to them, along with dealing with our own families.

 

I'm so tired I could do with 6 months off work, but that won't pay the mortgage will it?

Another one for the Things that make you realise you’re getting older thread…Why isn’t there a Seeing/Coping with your Parents getting Older thread.

 

My heart goes out to you and everyone in this situation. I always say that most of us can step up in an emergency but coping with chronic, heart wrenching situations like you describe is another matter altogether. And whatever they say, there really isn’t a lot out there in terms of support of any kind.

 

Who’s looking after the carers?

[Creator Supreme]

10 minutes ago, Champ said:

Another one for the Things that make you realise you’re getting older thread…Why isn’t there a Seeing/Coping with your Parents getting Older thread.

 

My heart goes out to you and everyone in this situation. I always say that most of us can step up in an emergency but coping with chronic, heart wrenching situations like you describe is another matter altogether. And whatever they say, there really isn’t a lot out there in terms of support of any kind.

 

Who’s looking after the carers?

Thanks Cath, I'm more worried about my sister than me, she has taken most of the burden simply because I'm working and she's a full time mum, plus she lives closer than I do.

 

We're supporting each other as much as we can.

 

I worry about the old man, he seems so much more confused since he's been in hospital. It could be the infection taking its toll, but he is nearly 90, so maybe he is starting to lose cognition.

 

Nightmare.

[littletedwest]

49 minutes ago, Creator Supreme said:

My head continues to be fucked.

 

Mum who has dementia is now in a care home, most likely permanently. I doubt she'll last another 12 months.

 

Dad has been in hospital with an infection for over a fortnight, he's very frail and has lost a lot of weight (he was skinny to start with), developed pneumonia last week and it looked like he was on his way out. Fair does to the old fucker, he's fought back, but he will need rehab including physio before he goes back home which will be a long drawn out process by the look of it.

 

My sister and myself are run ragged with going back and forth to them, along with dealing with our own families.

 

I'm so tired I could do with 6 months off work, but that won't pay the mortgage will it?

Sorry to hear.i know when my dad was ill how hard it can be. You're expected to go to work despite the fact someone you love is so ill and all the heartbreak, setbacks and medical appointments they need.

 

 

[Creator Supreme]

9 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

Sorry to hear.i know when my dad was ill how hard it can be. You're expected to go to work despite the fact someone you love is so ill and all the heartbreak, setbacks and medical appointments they need.

 

 

Thanks mate, it all seems to have happened at once over the last couple of years. Mum's dementia has been the hardest thing to get over as she's in her late 70s but she's still 10 years younger than dad, so we thought if anybody was going to start to fail it would be dad.

 

The last 9 months she's just fell off a cliff. She's an absolute shadow of the person she used to be. She's just a husk now, she has no clue who any of us are. She can just about still communicate, but she can't function in any other way. The care home, as much as it pains us to admit it, is the best place for her!

[littletedwest]

1 minute ago, Creator Supreme said:

Thanks mate, it all seems to have happened at once over the last couple of years. Mum's dementia has been the hardest thing to get over as she's in her late 70s but she's still 10 years younger than dad, so we thought if anybody was going to start to fail it would be dad.

 

The last 9 months she's just fell off a cliff. She's an absolute shadow of the person she used to be. She's just a husk now, she has no clue who any of us are. She can just about still communicate, but she can't function in any other way. The care home, as much as it pains us to admit it, is the best place for her!

Sounds like she is in the best place. My dad was in a care home. Was weird because the illness he had was caused by drinking. He was as clever as always so he could still complete a times crossword and beat me at countdown or a quiz. He couldn't remember him and my mum had split up, that he had lost the house ect though. He didn't remember how bad his drinking had got and still thought he was someone who had a few pints. And he couldn't remember much for more than a day or two. It was tough to put him there. One day we let him walk back to the home alone ( we'd done it before) within hours we got a call from the hospital as he'd fell over pissed and broke his shoulder.

People would say " oh he seems fine to me" but the reality was he was a danger to himself and needed to be somewhere secure 

[Creator Supreme]

18 minutes ago, littletedwest said:

People would say " oh he seems fine to me" but the reality was he was a danger to himself and needed to be somewhere secure 

I'm starting to get that feeling with my arl fella too, he's very unaware of his situation, I just hope it improves as his health improves.

 

Mum is definitely better off in the care home.

[Bob]

The abusive texts from the ex wife seem to finally have stopped. From 10 minutes after we spoke/argued on the phone at 8pm wednesday until mid morning yesterday, it was a fucking torrent. Unwavering streams of hate filled shite.

 

Somewhere in the middle, a conversation that was almost amicable, but you’d never know it from the way the messaged picked and and doubled down.

 

pure hate.

 

I talked yesterday morning to one of her best friends for an hour. He listened, which she’s incapable of doing, so hopefully he reached her and she has now heard enough to stop - hopefully the message that I don’t exist to be her fucking emotional punchbag clicked.

 

but that all brings its own scarring.

 

I had to talk last night with our daughter about it all and try to understand what she had or hadn’t been told or heard or seen. I had to try and explain to a 10 years old things I can’t fully explain to an adult without having to talk for hours.

 

hopefully I got that more right that wrong. Hopefully she’s not getting too screwed up by all this. 
 

I am though. I’m looking at WhatsApp every time I open my phone in fear of seeing a red notification.

 

for now, peace and quiet, but for how long?

[YorkshireRed]

Stay strong Bob. Control only what you can and try and let the rest go.

[Captain Turdseye]

On 05/08/2021 at 20:05, Rico1304 said:

My smack head cousin stole my brothers trainers the other week.  

Underrated post, this. 
 

Simple yet sublime. 

[Captain Willard]

5 hours ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

The abusive texts from the ex wife seem to finally have stopped. From 10 minutes after we spoke/argued on the phone at 8pm wednesday until mid morning yesterday, it was a fucking torrent. Unwavering streams of hate filled shite.

 

Somewhere in the middle, a conversation that was almost amicable, but you’d never know it from the way the messaged picked and and doubled down.

 

pure hate.

 

I talked yesterday morning to one of her best friends for an hour. He listened, which she’s incapable of doing, so hopefully he reached her and she has now heard enough to stop - hopefully the message that I don’t exist to be her fucking emotional punchbag clicked.

 

but that all brings its own scarring.

 

I had to talk last night with our daughter about it all and try to understand what she had or hadn’t been told or heard or seen. I had to try and explain to a 10 years old things I can’t fully explain to an adult without having to talk for hours.

 

hopefully I got that more right that wrong. Hopefully she’s not getting too screwed up by all this. 
 

I am though. I’m looking at WhatsApp every time I open my phone in fear of seeing a red notification.

 

for now, peace and quiet, but for how long?

Try to stay calm, put her on ignore and enjoy your weekend. Maybe pick a fight with a complete stranger in an obscure thread. That will distract you. 

[Captain Turdseye]

18 minutes ago, Captain Willard said:

Maybe pick a fight with a complete stranger in an obscure thread.

[Creator Supreme]

Been to see both of the old folks this afternoon. I was barely out the house for 2 hours but I'm absolutely emotionally wrung out.

 

They're safe and being looked after, but seeing them as they are is just heartbreaking.

[Harry Squatter]

Just realised today that it is 15 years since I last spoke to my sister. She had a cob on about not being g able to wear a cardigan over her bridesmaid dress at my wedding. So she's ignored me for 15 years.

[Captain Turdseye]

3 minutes ago, Harry Squatter said:

Just realised today that it is 15 years since I last spoke to my sister. She had a cob on about not being g able to wear a cardigan over her bridesmaid dress at my wedding. So she's ignored me for 15 years.

Sorry for laughing but that’s dedication, man. In a way you have to admire it. 

[Creator Supreme]

Lost my mum this morning at half 4, no more pain mam!