The Garth Crooks Wisdom Thread

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Yep,  Also have him out to lunch with the production team of Final Score coming up with bonkers ideas to get himself a contract extension, "Great idea for my team of the week guys,

I'm going to pick 11 players that wear glasses or contact lenses"

 

" my team of the week will contain only players who have neck tattoos "

[magicrat]

" my team of the week will contain only players who have neck tattoos "

To be fair that wouldn't be too hard.

[Walter Sobchak]

 

What.is.it

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[3 Stacks]

This is amazing.

 

https://twitter.com/BBCMOTD/status/830426685992423425?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

[magicrat]

This is amazing.

 

https://twitter.com/BBCMOTD/status/830426685992423425?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

 

Keown looks like the nutter on the bus has just sat down next to him

 

Classic Crooks, 

[Iceman]

I'd like to see him and Neville Southall airdropped into the jungle and having to survive on 500 calories a day, fighting it out like wild animals for a packet of custard creams and a bottle of tizer. 

[Carvalho Diablo]

He's got the Icke Factor.

[3 Stacks]

On Seamus Coleman

 

I can't understand for the life of me (and I apologise to Evertonians) how Manchester United or City haven't lured him away from Goodison Park.

 

On van Aanholt

 

I have seen Patrick van Aanholt in this mood before - looking mean and searching for goals.

 

On Gueye

 

The problem with these defensive midfield players is that when they score one, rather like tasting Champagne for the first time, they tend to want another.

 

On Stoke City

 

Equally, Stoke's first-half performance was so distressing I was beginning to wonder if their players had spent the entire week trawling the streets of the city campaigning in the Stoke central by-election. I can't recall seeing a more abject performance from a Premier League side. Woeful.

[cloggypop]

He first worked in the media as a guest presenter on 25 March 1982's Top of the Pops on BBC One (with Peter Powell)... In 1999 he was awarded an OBE in the Queen's Birthday Honours for his services to football punditry, specifically citing his ability to bring passion to football.

 

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_Crooks

[VladimirIlyich]

On Seamus Coleman

 

I can't understand for the life of me (and I apologise to Evertonians) how Manchester United or City haven't lured him away from Goodison Park.

 

On van Aanholt

 

I have seen Patrick van Aanholt in this mood before - looking mean and searching for goals.

 

On Gueye

 

The problem with these defensive midfield players is that when they score one, rather like tasting Champagne for the first time, they tend to want another.

 

On Stoke City

 

Equally, Stoke's first-half performance was so distressing I was beginning to wonder if their players had spent the entire week trawling the streets of the city campaigning in the Stoke central by-election. I can't recall seeing a more abject performance from a Premier League side. Woeful.

The Stoke comment is absolutely spot on.

[stringvest]

Another criminal performance from Crooks.  He should be locked up.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Another criminal performance from Crooks.  He should be locked up.

There's nowt he'd love more than getting banged in the slammer.

[Trumo]

The Stoke comment is absolutely spot on.

 

I can recall another totally abject performance involving Stoke. It also involved us.

[3 Stacks]

On Mings and Ibrahimovic

 

The fact that both men have played down the incident has restored my faith in players who mete out punishment in the heat of battle, but then don't whinge when retribution is delivered. Mings knows precisely why Ibrahimovic would have reacted the way he did. In fact, he would have been disappointed if he hadn't - top players take care of business. 

 

On Mou Mou

 

They might have won a trophy or two, as Jose Mourinho insists on counting the Community Shield as well as the League Cup. But that tells you all you need to know about his state of mind. The Community Shield?

 

On Mama Sakh

 

Bust-ups between highly strung characters were commonplace in my day, so why it should signal the departure of this totally committed defender, I don't understand. How the Reds can dispense with the services of Sakho with the defence they have is worth a debate all by itself.

 

On Redmond

 

National team manager Gareth Southgate will know all about Redmond from his time with 'Young England', but I believe the time is right to let the player loose into the full international scene. It's the only route left for Redmond to progress.

 

On Lallana

 

It's taken some time for Adam Lallana to become the star performer for Liverpool he was at Southampton. Perhaps he was a little intimidated by ex-midfielder Steven Gerrard's presence when he first arrived at Liverpool?

 

On Ranieri and Vardy

 

The hysterical nonsense that accompanied manager Claudio Ranieri's departure from certain pundits, who frankly should have known better, was alarming to say the least. Leicester's triumph's last season was a monumental 'team effort' and not Ranieri's victory. Nothing destabilises a dressing room quicker than when players detect that the manager has suddenly become 'big time' and starts to 'tinker' with the magical ingredients that created the success in the first place. Managers are nothing without players - a feature that will not be lost on Ranieri as he sits and watches the team produce the goods again, post his departure.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Bill Shankly and Brian Clough never behaved like that ? Err Clough was a right shit, great manager but a shit. And he clipped a fan around the ear hole too.

 

The man should be advising Trump.

[Dr Nowt]

Somebody has let Carlton Banks at the fridge and the bath salts, in that order.

 

Mental helmet.

[stringvest]

I reckon ardja ghostwrites Crooks' stream-of-unconsciousness shizzle.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

If you where a comedy writer you would struggle to right a character as good as him.

[lifetime fan]

Crooks and wisdom has to be one of the greatest oxyMORONs ever.

[Ne Moe Imya]

I have to say I love the idea that Mings "would have been disappointed" if Ibrahimovic didn't elbow him in the face.

 

It's the kind of thing where if you don't think about it you might nod and go on with your life, but a half-second's thought makes you go "wait, what?"  Which kind of makes it a microcosm of everything that Crooks has ever said in his whole career.

[stringvest]

I fear we will soon hear that Crooks has been killed by a spear of frozen piss dropped from a jet airliner flying miles overhead.  

 

It's almost inevitable, I'm telling you.

[Curly]

I think I would like him more and enjoy the shit he spouts if he wasn't such a pompous prick about it all.

[ZonkoVille77]

He's ghost writing the next Joey Barton book

[cloggypop]

I think I would like him more and enjoy the shit he spouts if he wasn't such a pompous prick about it all.

Surely it wouldn't be anywhere near as funny? You'd end up feeling sorry for him and wondering why he wasn't being looked after properly.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

I'm surprised Trump hasn't snapped him up as a speech writer.