The Garth Crooks Wisdom Thread

[magicrat]

Sadly for Crooks he is more Heinous than Genius. 

 

Icke has sent his only beloved loon to save our souls. Believe

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Icke has sent his only beloved loon to save our souls. Believe

 

I bet Hoddle is well jealous. 

[magicrat]

I bet Hoddle is well jealous. 

 

Hoddle is a false prophet, He is also a bit of a cunt.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Hoddle is a false prophet, He is also a bit of a cunt.

 

bit? 

[magicrat]

bit? 

a euphemism for massive

[3 Stacks]

On David Luiz

 

No lollipops, or rabonas, but he did everything in his power to protect his goalkeeper. Who would have thought that simple, good old-fashioned defending would win you titles in the modern era.

 

On Conte

 

Sir Winston Churchill said "we have a small time for celebration" immediately after the Second World War and I fear Antonio Conte has even less time to prepare Chelsea for the demands of European football and a relentless season ahead.

 

On Sanchez and Ozil

 

Sanchez's link-up play with Mesut Ozil, when the German is in the mood, is like watching Trevor Brooking and Kevin Keegan when they played for England - they just know where each other is.

 

On Gabriel Jesus

 

I could not believe my eyes when Gabriel Jesus took the ball and insisted that he was going to take the penalty against Leicester on Saturday.  Like every decent senior professional, who sees the next generation with the confidence to take command of a situation, Yaya Toure gave way to youth.

 

Why shouldn't the twice former African player of the year be magnanimous in such circumstances? When you have had the sort of career Toure has had, the least he can be is gracious.

 

One of the most incoherent things he's ever written

 

A lot has been said about Mesut Ozil. Love him or hate him - and I love him - there is no denying he is a wonderful footballer. Is he in the right team? Probably not. A player with his talent would be more appreciated at a club like Tottenham. Now at this moment I may have Arsenal fans foaming at the mouth at the very thought of Ozil defecting to White Hart Lane but frankly it is a better fit.

 

When Sol Campbell decided to move to Arsenal from Spurs it was because the player was desperate to win trophies. A perfectly acceptable position for a professional footballer to take and a fact that Spurs fans have never been able to come to terms with. However, Ozil's style of football is perfect for Spurs and he has already won things with Arsenal.

 

Only at Spurs will the fans accommodate players like Ozil. You see, at Spurs it is all about the football while at

Arsenal it is all about the winning.

 

[cloggypop]

It's Brooking & Keegan for me this time!

[VladimirIlyich]

On David Luiz

 

No lollipops, or rabonas, but he did everything in his power to protect his goalkeeper. Who would have thought that simple, good old-fashioned defending would win you titles in the modern era.

 

On Conte

 

Sir Winston Churchill said "we have a small time for celebration" immediately after the Second World War and I fear Antonio Conte has even less time to prepare Chelsea for the demands of European football and a relentless season ahead.

 

On Sanchez and Ozil

 

Sanchez's link-up play with Mesut Ozil, when the German is in the mood, is like watching Trevor Brooking and Kevin Keegan when they played for England - they just know where each other is.

 

On Gabriel Jesus

 

I could not believe my eyes when Gabriel Jesus took the ball and insisted that he was going to take the penalty against Leicester on Saturday. Like every decent senior professional, who sees the next generation with the confidence to take command of a situation, Yaya Toure gave way to youth.

 

Why shouldn't the twice former African player of the year be magnanimous in such circumstances? When you have had the sort of career Toure has had, the least he can be is gracious.

 

One of the most incoherent things he's ever written

 

A lot has been said about Mesut Ozil. Love him or hate him - and I love him - there is no denying he is a wonderful footballer. Is he in the right team? Probably not. A player with his talent would be more appreciated at a club like Tottenham. Now at this moment I may have Arsenal fans foaming at the mouth at the very thought of Ozil defecting to White Hart Lane but frankly it is a better fit.

 

When Sol Campbell decided to move to Arsenal from Spurs it was because the player was desperate to win trophies. A perfectly acceptable position for a professional footballer to take and a fact that Spurs fans have never been able to come to terms with. However, Ozil's style of football is perfect for Spurs and he has already won things with Arsenal.

 

Only at Spurs will the fans accommodate players like Ozil. You see, at Spurs it is all about the football while at

Arsenal it is all about the winning.

 

Moving from Arsenal(won the last 2 FA Cups and in the Final again) to Spurs(last won a trophy when Oasis were good!) to win trophies. The man's a raving lunatic!

[3 Stacks]

Crooksy's put out his team of the season and he's ended the campaign with a bang.

 

On Azpilicueta

 

John Terry aside, you would have to go back to the days of Eddie McCreadie and Ron Harris - who played for the Blues in the 1960s and 1970s - to find defenders who played every league fixture. It is virtually unheard of in the modern era.

 

Just this season:

 

Ben Gibson

Premier League 38  

 

Joel Ward

Premier League 38    

 

Steve Cook

Premier League 38      

 

On Alderweireld

 

If Alderweireld were to leave Tottenham then he would, in my opinion, be the most difficult player to replace.

I say this because it was in my FA Cup interview for Football Focus, before the semi-final with Chelsea, that I raised with the Belgium defender the issue about his contract.

 

To my amazement he had not signed it at the time and, with Barcelona always on the look-out for top-class defenders, suddenly visions of him defecting to the Spanish giants became plausible.

 

However, it gets worse. At odds of 18-1, Spurs boss Mauricio Pochettino sounds like a great bet to join Lionel Messi and the Catalans and, if that were to happen, Alderweireld would almost certainly follow the Argentine out of the Lane to the Nou Camp.

 

On David Luiz

 

The Brazil centre-back has played this season with an authority that I have only seen in great defenders. Dutch master Rudi Krol and Italian great Paolo Maldini both had it, while Liverpool legend Alan Hansen and Arsenal hero Tony Adams also produced such performances in their careers.

 

On Kante

 

Just before it was announced who was about to win the PFA Players' Player of the Year award, Spurs legend Clive Allen turned to me and said: "I really hope its N'Golo Kante."

 

I agreed with the remark, and so did five other guests who had remained silent until that point. 

 

However, what was most striking was we were in the company of the most adorably humble human being. I never thought they made professional footballers like that.

 

On Coutinho

 

Frankly, Liverpool would have been sunk this season without him.

 

If you don't believe me, look at Liverpool's form when he was out of action for two months with injury. Yes, they lost Sadio Mane to the Africa Cup of Nations at the time but Mane without Coutinho is like having Rush without Dalglish.

 

On Arsenal fans

 

In all my time in football, I don't think I've seen a season like this at Arsenal. Fans arguing with each other over whether Arsene Wenger is fit to run the club, all because they think they are entitled to win the Premier League?

 

On Kane

 

I couldn't believe the headlines granting the player world-class status after his four-goal blitz of Leicester City in midweek. What poppycock!

 

Robert Lewandowski, Didier Drogba and Thomas Muller have all been, or are, world class but all won trophies to demonstrate the fact.

 

On Conte

 

I never took him that seriously. He hadn't managed in the Premier League, that was why.

 

We don't have winter breaks here where players disappear up into the mountains with their managers to opulent soccer retreats and bathe their weary legs for a month in preparation for the second half of the season. This the Premier League and Ancelotti and Pellegrini just about survived it with their reputations intact.

 

You took Jose Mourinho's misfits and turned them into champions. Now that is management.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

You took Jose Mourinho's misfits and turned them into champions. Now that is management.

 

Not sullying Contes achievements at all, but this is hilarious

[3 Stacks]

From yesterday:

 

Crooks and Keown arguing on live tv like an old married couple. 

 

https://www.balls.ie/football/garth-crooks-2-365531

[Lee909]

.

[House of Dirk]

Given the recent mentions of Abs and Code72, who better than Garth to manage the Gimp XI ?

[SammyAftershave]

Is that his 'cum' face?

[Guest Pistonbroke]

Is that his 'cum' face?

 

Looks more like his 'follow through' face. 

[3 Stacks]

Crooksy's back, baby. And he's already in midseason form.

 

 

On Jonas Lossl

 

It was obvious to me that Lossl's intention was to keep a clean sheet at all costs. Lots of goalkeepers may have that intention when they start a match but it's not always matched by their performance.

 

 

On De Boer

 

The newly installed Frank de Boer only lasted 85 days as manager of Inter Milan - and if the Eagles suffer many more defeats like this, the Dutchman could find himself surpassing even that dismal record and staring at another P45 very quickly.

 

 

On Walker

 

I would no have sooner paid £50m for Kyle Walker than fly to the moon but I can see why Pep Guardiola did.

 

 

On Phil Jones

 

If Jose Mourinho intends to challenge for the title this season then he is going to need a fully-fit Jones.

 

 

This absolute annihilation of Craig Pawson

 

Pawson couldn't possibly have played the game at any serious level, having made the decision to send off Chelsea captain Gary Cahill for what was no more than a clumsy challenge. Frankly, I've seen better decisions made by a Grade 4 referee on a Sunday afternoon.

 

 

Another absolute annihilation. This time, of Jonjo Shelvey

 

As for Shelvey, he should seriously consider doing something other than continually embarrassing Rafael Benitez and the fans of Newcastle United. It's a great city with a great team and they both deserve a great captain - not a thug in a Newcastle shirt.

[lifetime fan]

As for Shelvey, he should seriously consider doing something other than continually embarrassing Rafael Benitez and the fans of Newcastle United. It's a great city with a great team and they both deserve a great captain - not a thug in a Newcastle shirt.

 

Yes Garth.

 

 

[sir roger]

Cahill's was a red card every day of the week. You have to ref to the rules not base decisions on some vague memory of playing in the Zingari in the 90's.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Crook's really is like a to comedy character, except he's real and not funny. Another footballer trying, and failing to seem intelligent. Joey Barton basically.

[3 Stacks]

On the Stoke vs. Arsenal game

How anyone could argue Alexandre Lacazette's toe was offside is so tenuous it beggars belief.

What's the game coming to? Is this what TV evidence was created for: to examine if a toe is in an offside position or not? What next - forelocks?

 

On Andy Robertson

His crosses reminded me of Germany and Hamburg legend Manny Kaltz. Although Kaltz was a right-back, his quality of crossing was legendary and Robertson appears to have that ability.

 

On Coutinho

There is no doubt that Coutinho has already mentally left Anfield and the club would be foolish not to accept his position.

 

On Bailly

I want to like this player, but he always gives me the 'willies'.

 

On Brighton

the camera caught owner Tony Bloom with his head in his hands in frustration, having seen another one of his team's attacks come to nothing. There is one simple solution to all this anguish, Mr Bloom: put your hand in your pocket and bring in the quality the club requires to survive in the best league in the world. Otherwise there will be far more moments like this.

 

On Swansea

Paul Clement needs to replace his best player with another talisman very quickly, otherwise his season could be over quicker than a verse of Land Of My Fathers.

 

On Mkhitaryan

This is a very uncomplicated footballer. He doesn't fuss when things don't go his own way and loves to get involved in the action.

 

On Jese

It clearly suited Jese to come to the Potteries - it is Premier League football after all, and not even Neymar is getting that.

[Hades]

It's very generous of British taxpayers to fund Mr. Crooks' drug habit.

[Josef Svejk]

On Jese

It clearly suited Jese to come to the Potteries - it is Premier League football after all, and not even Neymar is getting that.

 

Neymar should have gone to Stoke.

[Philbert]

..

[lifetime fan]

On Bailly

I want to like this player, but he always gives me the 'willies'.

 

 

That's the only time Garth has complained about getting cock.

[Boss]

 

He's put Ozil and Salah as wing-backs in his team of the week.