The Random Thread of Random Things Posted Randomly

[alles ist gut]

I also picked a horse out as a kid called 'Cool Ground' on account of it's name and the jockey's jersey. It won some random weekday race. Again, I never saw the winnings.

 

This is probably the 1992 Cheltenham Gold Cup, at 25/1. You were robbed.

[Remmie]

Irn bru and coke are infact best when left in the can or bottle and not drunk at all

[dickie mint]

Land of the giants was a boss show.

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

Stig is right about the glass bottle, it's a well known fact up here that the best way to drink irn bru is out of one of the glass bottles with the tops you get 10p back for.

 

Fizzy juice out of a glass bottle is fucking class.

The best way to drink Iron Bru is strained through a old sock whilst lying in a pool of your own piss outside if a Glasgow pub. It says it on the back of the label.

[Mook]

Irn Bru is the best thing you can drink for a hangover.

 

Well other than a few pints of lager.

[General Dryness]

There's a woman sitting behind me at work today who must be 7ft tall, she looks like Arnie when he disguises himself as a woman in Total Recall.

 

Have you ever seen her before? Watch your back mate. Possible assassin.

[Dr Nowt]

There's a woman sitting behind me at work today who must be 7ft tall, she looks like Arnie when he disguises himself as a woman in Total Recall.

 

Ask her how many weeks she's worked there.

 

Begin to run if her voice sounds like a TDK tape that's worn down to the point of snapping when she answers.

[Carvalho Diablo]

I'm thinking of dropping about £250 on a bespoke wallet from Soul Sick Leather. A birthday present to myself.

 

Pissed atm, so I'll sleep it off and decide tomorrow.

 

Well (predictably) I pulled the trigger on the fucker a few days ago.

 

Just seen the first (pre-stitched) leather carved pic, and whoa ya fucker, better even than I could have hoped.

 

Happy birthday to me (next month).

[Gnasher]

Vegetarians, improve your life instantly by replacing all your meatloaf records for Robert Plant.

[RoboRiise]

Aye, his house is easy to spot. My mate's Mum goes round there to use the gym as she's friends with Sandra, I'll ask her to get a key cut so you can surprise him.

 

I'd love a crack at terrorising Harry.  Back in my feckless youth me and a mate once emptied a lad's bins into popular 80s beat combo 5 Star's garden and then slung the bin in there too (the lad lived next door to them and we were at a party at his, pissed as cunts obviously) but a go at Harry would knock that minor episode of celebrity abuse into a cocked hat.

 

Shit in a burning jiffy bag on his doorstep, then piss in a crisp bag and chuck it at him whilst he's stamping it out.

[RoboRiise]

Coke is far nicer out of a glass bottle than it is a can. By a fucking country mile.

 

But still better if the bottle is up Kelly Brook's arsehole.  It's a universal truth, things taste better when they're up Kelly Brook's arse.*

 

 

 

*Note: This may not apply to chips and gravy.

[dickie mint]

Uncle Festa and Lurch in the original show where great.

[Dr Nowt]

I'd love a crack at terrorising Harry.  Back in my feckless youth me and a mate once emptied a lad's bins into popular 80s beat combo 5 Star's garden and then slung the bin in there too (the lad lived next door to them and we were at a party at his, pissed as cunts obviously) but a go at Harry would knock that minor episode of celebrity abuse into a cocked hat.

 

Shit in a burning jiffy bag on his doorstep, then piss in a crisp bag and chuck it at him whilst he's stamping it out.

 

I once performed some extensive phone-baiting of 1990's soap arsehole Dean Gaffney, which ultimately led to his girlfriend telling me I'd got through to the Chief of the London Police force's wife, and that they had a trace out on me as we spoke.

 

Aside from the fact I was sat in Barcelona on someone else's mobile, it's fair to say I wasn't sweating it while listening to him coach her in the background, and the baiting continued with renewed vigour.

 

Opening gambit:

 

"Hello, is that Dean Gaffney? 

"Yes mate."

"Hi Dean, I'm casting for a shoplifter in The Bill, and your agent said you might be up for the part?"

"Yes mate."

"Brilliant Dean, brilliant.  Well, what we're looking for here is a Z-List, Zelda from Terrahawks-faced wastrel to play someone who gets caught stealing an Oxo cube, receiving approximately 45 seconds of screen time in total.  We specifically require someone with the complexion of a pizza.  Do you think that might be something you can manage?"

* Swears and hangs up *

 

He'd been relentlessly pestering the Page 3 model sister of someone I met on a mate's stag-do, leading to her passing his number to her 5, yes 5 brothers and saying can you hand this to all your mates and just plague him with calls please as he's a really creepy fuck who won't leave me alone.  Picture the scene, you've been drinking all day and are enjoying a few early evening scoops on Las Ramblas when someone you've just met casually says, "Oh yeah, Dean Gaffney's been bothering my sister, does anyone want to prank call him on my phone?"

 

* Nods head as though trying to make it fall off at the neck *

[stringvest]

tremendous.

[Bjornebye]

Ben that's fucking ace

 

Always hated that cunt.

[Nightcat]

Army of Lovers who along with Pulp, are two of my favourite bands.

 

[Guest Numero Veinticinco]

I'm a Frakkin' Cylon.

[ZonkoVille77]

There's a bird out of that tv prog Bletchley Park that would get a drilling

[RoboRiise]

I'm a Frakkin' Cylon.

 

 

In the BSG online game (when I can be arsed playing it because it's gone quite shit now) I actually am.  As proof, here's a picture of my lovely old skool Raider:

 

[dickie mint]

Stanley's where the best betting shops.

[RoboRiise]

How It's Made on Quest (originally Discovery) is possibly the best stoned TV show ever.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Check out my new mate Jackie Mora's instagram site (Soul Sick Leather) and his incredible leather work.

 

http://instagram.com/soulsickleather/?modal=true

 

Guess which one he's just made for me.

[Boss]

Check out my new mate Jackie Mora's instagram site (Soul Sick Leather) and his incredible leather work.

 

http://instagram.com/soulsickleather/?modal=true

 

Guess which one he's just made for me.

 

Is this the custom made leather wallet you said you were getting? they all look great.

[Carvalho Diablo]

Is this the custom made leather wallet you said you were getting? they all look great.

 

It is mate. Expensive, but as a one off one of a kind treat, I think we should all treat ourselves once in a while.

 

I agree too, they do all look killer.

[Boss]

Is it one of the three wallets in the newest photo?