Women and metros

[Elmyn Noos]

I need your help.

 

A month or so from now, Mrs.Noos and I will have been married for precisely 10 years. As I'm sure you can appreciate, being married to me is pretty fucking ace and should be reward enough in itself, but experience tells me that women are odd, ungrateful cunts who expect us to make some sort of effort for occasions such as this.

 

I'm looking for suggestions for a short romantic break in the northern part of the UK. We can't leave the kids for long so I'm looking at a couple of days away in the sort of place that bitches like - somewhere with trees and woodlands and plenty of romantic shit going on, that won't take me more than a couple of hours to get to from Leeds. In other words, the sort of place that if I take her there, I'm nailed on to get a fuck out of it. I have a decent budget for this, so hit me with your best shots. There's rep in it IF I get a shag out of it.

[RedinSweden]

Tadcaster. Take her to the Samuel Smiths brewery. You get some ace ale after the tour. Then you can go to one of the local pubs, get her lashed and nail her.

[stevebaby]

Take out an ASBO against her then drop proceedings and have wild makeup sexy times.

[Bjornebye]

Robin Hood Bay near Whitby.

 

Trust me.

[Rico1304]

The Cotswolds is lovely, might be a little to far though, 3 hrs from Leeds. Plenty to see, loads of amazing hotels.

[Flying Pig]

This adds nothing to Noos's request but I've had a shag on Filey beach.

[Redder Lurtz]

Grassington.

 

Places to stay

 

Stunning countryside, history, great pubs with fantastic ales, country walks, Bolton Abbey just down the road, an hour from Leeds. Get some.

[Champ]

Robin Hood Bay near Whitby.

 

Trust me.

 

And if you do get to the coast be sure to go to

 

Falling Foss Tea Garden. Stig ignored me when he was over that way but its wonderful

 

Another recommendation would be

 

The Drunken Duck Inn, outside Ambleside. They've got their own micro brewery as well

 

I'll carry on thinking. You didnt half cause yourself trouble getting married bang in the middle of the holiday season

[magicrat]

Grassington.

 

Places to stay

 

Stunning countryside, history, great pubs with fantastic ales, country walks, Bolton Abbey just down the road, an hour from Leeds. Get some.

 

Good call . Stayed at this place in Linton a few miles away . Beautiful little village and the pub's spot on.

 

 

http://www.fountaineinnatlinton.co.uk

[Elmyn Noos]

Grassington.

 

Places to stay

 

Stunning countryside, history, great pubs with fantastic ales, country walks, Bolton Abbey just down the road, an hour from Leeds. Get some.

 

That would be a great shout but for the fact that we're going camping there literally a week later at the awesome Howgill Lodge campsite.

 

I'm looking for specific places to stay please. I know certain areas are nice, but if you could recommend a hotel that would be chipper.

 

Has anyone stayed at Slaley Hall in Northumberland?

[Champ]

That would be a great shout but for the fact that we're going camping there literally a week later at the awesome Howgill Lodge campsite.

 

I'm looking for specific places to stay please. I know certain areas are nice, but if you could recommend a hotel that would be chipper.

 

Has anyone stayed at Slaley Hall in Northumberland?

 

My brother has. He's get way more money than me. Hope that helps

[Elmyn Noos]

My brother has. He's get way more money than me. Hope that helps

 

Did he rate it?

[Elmyn Noos]

The good news for my wallet at least is that I've just discovered that tenth anniversary is tin. Welcome to Slaley Hall madam, here's your beans.

[Champ]

 

Did he rate it?

 

Pretty sure he did.....and he's an exacting customer.

 

Sorry, can't help more than that as he's just left for his hols this morning

[Hand Shandy]

 

Pretty sure he did.....and he's an exacting customer.

 

 

You mean he's a pain in the arse?

[Atticus Finch]

Done both Slaley & Drunken Duck, can highly recommend the Duck, food is top notch and the beer is even better.

[Champ]

 

You mean he's a pain in the arse?

Noo' date=' but he doesn't let things slide, if you know what I mean

 

Done both Slaley & Drunken Duck, can highly recommend the Duck, food is top notch and the beer is even better.

 

I've not actually stayed at the Drunken Duck...just eaten there a couple of times but I definitely have it on my list for a nice grown up weekend now these kids can be left pretty much on their own. Imagine that day, guys......

 

The bar is great and the pictures of the rooms look gorgeous. All Farrow and Ball shades and crisp white linen

[Tom R]

Mate, you should deffo consider The Carpenters Arms in Felixkirk. Home

 

It's 5 star accomodation but homely like bitches like and really reasonable (think we paid £125 for 1 night for one of the 5 star garden rooms - remote control real fire, heated wardrobes, all that cool shit)

I've paid a LOT more and had far worse. Pound for pound it's deffo the best place we've ever stayed within 90 minutes drive, and we tend to do a weekend away just about every month.

 

It has an amazing country pub attached with awesome food (recommend the Chateaubriand with a bottle of Malbec), unbelievably fantastic service and all on the edge of the North York Moors where you can finger each other and not be seen.

[Tom R]

That would be a great shout but for the fact that we're going camping there literally a week later at the awesome Howgill Lodge campsite.

 

I'm looking for specific places to stay please. I know certain areas are nice, but if you could recommend a hotel that would be chipper.

 

Has anyone stayed at Slaley Hall in Northumberland?

 

we've stayed at Slaley Hall for a wedding last summer.

Nice place but we found it a bit corporate and the room (albeit a standard room) was a bit Travel Lodge and we felt we could have been anywhere. Just lacked character, which is what bitches love.

 

Some friends booked a lodge, though. That was pretty sweet but fuck knows what it cost. There was about 6 or 7 of them sharing.

[Tom R]

take my advice, steer clear of big places like Slaley Hall. Go for "cute" and "character" and "intimate".

Shit like that. Bitches love shit like that.

[Tom R]

In other news - I can't fucking believe it's been 10 years since I had my wheels nicked off my brand new motor at your wedding.

Fuckin thieving Leeds cunts.

[Tom R]

I tell you where else was really nice, and only half an hour away, Goldsborough Hall just past Knaresborough.

 

We stayed in a room called Leshelles suite or something. I can't remember what we paid as it was a couple of years back, but it wasn't cheap. Certainly £350+

In terms of value I'd say Carpenters Arms is well teh best, but Goldsborough Hall is more "special".

Got ace grounds for lounging and eating breakfast and shit. Our room also had an ace jacuzzi bath in a bay window for sexing. Bitches love that.

 

Goldsborough Hall - Yorkshire's Finest Wedding Venue and Princess Mary's first family residence

[Magic Sponge]

Hoseasons log cabins just outside of York are really nice. Plus you've got your own jacuzzi.

[Champ]

take my advice, steer clear of big places like Slaley Hall. Go for "cute" and "character" and "intimate".

Shit like that. Bitches love shit like that.

 

Along similar lines

 

Rooms | The Plough Inn & Restaurant, Lupton

 

My folks were there earlier in the year and said it was really good. Its run by the people who have Luxury Lake District Hotel | Luxury Accomodation | Lake District Bed and Breakfast | Punch Bowl Inn Crosthwaite, also very good

[Elmyn Noos]

Thanks ladies and gents. I knew Tom R would be all over this, the smooth bastard.

 

The Lake District is possibly a shade too far for a day or two, so I'm looking at The Dales or North Yorks Moors.

 

Tom - The Carpenters Arms looks a bit "new". The old bird likes old and Goldsborough Hall has to be the favourite so far, although the Lascelles Suite at £450 room only is pushing my budget. I could get a really classy hooker for that sort of money.