The world of a woman.

[Sugar Ape]

She is fucking huge.

[General Dryness]

Did you have to buy her two seats?

 

Thats all good, the fat ones put more effort in because they appreciate the attention.

[lifetime fan]

It's Melons isn't it?

[General Dryness]

It's Melons isn't it?

 

[Sugar Ape]

It's Melons isn't it?

 

If it was Melons would I posting on here, or would I be begging for forgiveness in a pool of her vaginal blood?

 

I think you know the answer.

[lifetime fan]

Hopes to fuck shes got her man tied to the bed tonight with the strapon out and not on here!

[Champ]

Hopes to fuck shes got her man tied to the bed tonight with the strapon out and not on here!

*goes looking for previous page*

[Sugar Ape]

Poor bastard probably never had any idea what he was getting himself into. I imagine he stumbled across her account on here one day and read her post history with increasing horror until she caught him and then...

 

[lifetime fan]

Poor bastard probably never had any idea what he was getting himself into. I imagine he stumbled across her account on here one day and read her post history with increasing horror until she caught him and then...

 

 

Bit like what she did with her ex in reverse.

[md1892]

Make her buy her own tickets, problem solved

[Sugar Ape]

Make her buy her own tickets, problem solved

 

I take it you're single, or have something rarer than rocking horse shit, a reasonable Mrs?

[md1892]

Option 2 my friend, and she has a "reasonable" mate.

[Lucky Pierre]

Some tart in work today told us all that she would "have to make a mental note of that, on paper."

[Unrighteous]

If it was Melons would I posting on here, or would I be begging for forgiveness in a pool of her vaginal blood?

 

I think you know the answer.

 

I reckon Melons could batter most fellas... She's good like that.

[General Dryness]

I reckon Melons could fanny batter most fellas... She's good like that.

 

Fixed.

[Rico1304]

Not sure if this belongs in here or in the rant thread but...

 

Our little girl didn't eat her tea or have her final feed last night, suggesting she might wake up hungry a lot earlier than normal. She did, and whilst the wife made her feed at 5 this morning I changed izzy and then gave her the feed. I was back in bed for 5:20 but really struggled to get back to sleep. The wife knew this as she woke up a couple of times. I finally got back to sleep at 7:30 but was woken at 8:30 by the wife shouting and playing with Izzy - with no other purpose than to wake me up!!! This has happened before and I've taken her out so the wife can kip, so why not return the fucking favour.

[Barrington Womble]

Not sure if this belongs in here or in the rant thread but...

 

Our little girl didn't eat her tea or have her final feed last night, suggesting she might wake up hungry a lot earlier than normal. She did, and whilst the wife made her feed at 5 this morning I changed izzy and then gave her the feed. I was back in bed for 5:20 but really struggled to get back to sleep. The wife knew this as she woke up a couple of times. I finally got back to sleep at 7:30 but was woken at 8:30 by the wife shouting and playing with Izzy - with no other purpose than to wake me up!!! This has happened before and I've taken her out so the wife can kip, so why not return the fucking favour.

Same happens in our house mate. When she wants a lie in its take the kids downstairs, when I do it's put cbeebies on and let them get in bed with us or they just go play in the kids rooms running and screaming between both rooms.

[Bjornebye]

she has started playing the harmonica. fuck this

 

http://instagram.com/p/fFGbCCNGxL/

[Dr Nowt]

The northeast accent is the accent of filthy sex, for me. I can't stand the accents, and I've never boned anyone from there, but for some reason when I hear a woman talking in that accent it makes me think of her saying things like "give it us up us arse like pet". 

 

Not a Geordie bird but makes me laugh anyway:

 

http://radiofail.wordpress.com/2010/01/31/wrong-choice-of-caller-fail/

[Bjornebye]

hahaha i was waiting for him to say something.....

[littletedwest]

she has started playing the harmonica. fuck this

 

http://instagram.com/p/fFGbCCNGxL/

tell her to learn the harmonica tune played in once upon a time in the west then shoot people while she plays

[Pony Princess]

In town with family this evening and one lass with us whose fella is a Geordie said 'on my god, that fella looks like Alan Pardew!'  

 

My ma went 'AH-HAAA' and everyone was like 'what the fuck?'

 

'That's his catchphrase isn't it?'

 

Partridge/Pardew.  Confusing.

[Dr Nowt]

In town with family this evening and one lass with us whose fella is a Geordie said 'on my god, that fella looks like Alan Pardew!'  

 

My ma went 'AH-HAAA' and everyone was like 'what the fuck?'

 

'That's his catchphrase isn't it?'

 

Partridge/Pardew.  Confusing.

 

Although, you could definitely imagine Slimer living in a Travel Tavern having been kicked out by his wife.

[Evelyn Tentions]

She knows I won't be going either way! I'm not even that arsed about the money, it's the fact it's not the first time it's happened. I also bought four tickets for her and her mates to go to see Take That a couple of years ago which cost me about £300 and took a couple of weeks to get back, same with tickets for her and her mate to go and see Florence and the machine. Probably more times than that as well.

Buy the two tickets, then give her a deadline, say 3 days, or it's going on ebay

[General Dryness]

she has started playing the harmonica. fuck this

 

http://instagram.com/p/fFGbCCNGxL/

 

She could have picked something less annoying, like singing "I know a song that'll get on your nerves" right into your ear 18 hours a day, whilst trying to stick her fingers up your nose and refusing to shower.