What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Total Longo]

2 hours ago, Karl_b said:

We had our first outing with baby_b this morning, no better way to initiate her than a walk to the local park and cafe. I've posted a brekkie from here before but it's a really solid, excellent value offering. Good quality ingredients, well cooked, £8.50 with a cup of tea.

 

8.5/10.

The egg is the only thing here escaping any kind of criticism, although the bacon at least also looks just about edible. The toast is a disgrace, someone has shown that bread a photo of a toaster at best there. Or one side of the toaster is clearly broken, i actually can't decide. Tinned tomatoes in a ramekin, get in the bin immediately. The sausage at the bottom looks grey and raw (apart from maybe the possibility that the chef has dipped one end into a deep fat fryer). Horrendous. And as Stig says, is that Batman in the middle of the plate? I can only assume it's a mushroom, again i'm honestly not sure.  Is there a hash brown hiding underneath Batman? Difficult to tell. Too much uncertainty and the bad outweighs the good. Typical of @Spy Bee to like it as well, the deviant.  

[DalyanPete]

1 hour ago, Bjornebye said:

Add a 'the' and what a band name. What a fucking band name. 

Pay good money to see them.

[DalyanPete]

2 minutes ago, Total Longo said:

The egg is the only thing here escaping any kind of criticism, although the bacon at least also looks just about edible. The toast is a disgrace, someone has shown that bread a photo of a toaster at best there. Or one side of the toaster is clearly broken, i actually can't decide. Tinned tomatoes in a ramekin, get in the bin immediately. The sausage at the bottom looks grey and raw (apart from maybe the possibility that the chef has dipped one end into a deep fat fryer). Horrendous. And as Stig says, is that Batman in the middle of the plate? I can only assume it's a mushroom, again i'm honestly not sure.  Is there a hash brown hiding underneath Batman? Difficult to tell. Too much uncertainty and the bad outweighs the good. Typical of @Spy Bee to like it as well, the deviant.  

A funny as fuck critique 

[DalyanPete]

And those fuckas on masterchef think they have a tough time.

Funny if not brutal thread this.

[DalyanPete]

3 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Inset day for the youngest so we’ve had a short walk and then visited the dog friendly cafe at Cannon Hall. It can be found between Wakefield and Barnsley, despite this it’s a nice place for a visit. 
 

Just a coffee for me but the lad had a seven piece farmers breakfast. Most of the ingredients were from the farm that exists on the estate.

 

£5.95.

 

He gave it a solid 8/10.

 

 

Did he not say, "but Dad, why do I have to mark my breakfast?"

And then under his breath, "weirdo"

[Mike D]

33 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

The bigger bit looks like the elephant mans cock. I dread to ask if it's smoked or unsmoked and it's defo not Danish 

Unsmoked, Not sure if there is a smoked option but I’m back tomorrow before a certain sporting event and if there is I’ll ask and always go for smoked.

[YorkshireRed]

2 minutes ago, DalyanPete said:

Did he not say, "but Dad, why do I have to mark my breakfast?"

And then under his breath, "weirdo"

I make both my children mark everything. One day I hope to see them graduate to the GF from normal life, they need to be ready. 

[DalyanPete]

1 minute ago, YorkshireRed said:

I make both my children mark everything. One day I hope to see them graduate to the GF from normal life, they need to be ready. 

A fine upbringing, be interesting to see what they make of some on here.

[Bjornebye]

15 minutes ago, Mike D said:

Unsmoked, Not sure if there is a smoked option but I’m back tomorrow before a certain sporting event and if there is I’ll ask and always go for smoked.

I stopped reading right there. Send the address to gerrynotgerrystillgerryadams@ira.com 

[Spy Bee]

Smoked bacon is unnecessary faff.

[Bob]

4 hours ago, Mike D said:

Bernies too. Maghull next to the railway station. £6.50. Highly recommended.

 

 

That tomato is out of a 1970s buffet. Absolutely no place on a breakfast and the hash brown looks fluorescent agains the cunt plate.

[Mike D]

I don’t think I’ll be having any tea tonight. Still full from those sausages.

[Bjornebye]

5 minutes ago, Mike D said:

I don’t think I’ll be having any tea tonight. Still full from those sausages.

If you managed to eat that bacon I don't think you'll ever have tea again. RIP YNWA etc 

[Mike D]

1 minute ago, Bjornebye said:

If you managed to eat that bacon I don't think you'll ever have tea again. RIP YNWA etc 

Hahaha

[Mudface]

4 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

The bigger bit looks like the elephant mans cock. I dread to ask if it's smoked or unsmoked and it's defo not Danish 

Actually, his dick was about the only bit of him that was OK, awful.

 

 

 

[Tony Moanero]

Why on earth do so many eateries serve toast on the same plate as the fry-up? Are they that sodding lazy they can’t be bothered to wash up an extra plate?

 

 

[Curly]

8 hours ago, YorkshireRed said:

Inset day for the youngest so we’ve had a short walk and then visited the dog friendly cafe at Cannon Hall. It can be found between Wakefield and Barnsley, despite this it’s a nice place for a visit. 
 

Just a coffee for me but the lad had a seven piece farmers breakfast. Most of the ingredients were from the farm that exists on the estate.

 

£5.95.

 

He gave it a solid 8/10.

 

 

That looks very appetising. But those robbing cunt farmers including half a piece of toast as one item. I’m apoplectic here. I’m cancelling my milk delivery and heading straight to Tesco for the biggest bottle of semi skimmed I can find to level things out

[Karl_b]

5 hours ago, Total Longo said:

The egg is the only thing here escaping any kind of criticism, although the bacon at least also looks just about edible. The toast is a disgrace, someone has shown that bread a photo of a toaster at best there. Or one side of the toaster is clearly broken, i actually can't decide. Tinned tomatoes in a ramekin, get in the bin immediately. The sausage at the bottom looks grey and raw (apart from maybe the possibility that the chef has dipped one end into a deep fat fryer). Horrendous. And as Stig says, is that Batman in the middle of the plate? I can only assume it's a mushroom, again i'm honestly not sure.  Is there a hash brown hiding underneath Batman? Difficult to tell. Too much uncertainty and the bad outweighs the good. Typical of @Spy Bee to like it as well, the deviant.  

You cruel bastard. I enjoyed this breakfast but now I'm re-thinking every decision I've ever made in my life. Repped. You cunt.

[Harry's Lad]

3 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

Why on earth do so many eateries serve toast on the same plate as the fry-up? Are they that sodding lazy they can’t be bothered to wash up an extra plate?

 

 

And as has been said before, why do they always cut it diagonally so you can't make a proper butty?

[Bob]

13 hours ago, Tony Moanero said:

Why on earth do so many eateries serve toast on the same plate as the fry-up? Are they that sodding lazy they can’t be bothered to wash up an extra plate?

 

 

 

[Trumo]

1 hour ago, Bob Spunkmouse said:

 

 

Not sure they know how toast soldiers work.

[Bjornebye]

16 hours ago, Mudface said:

Actually, his dick was about the only bit of him that was OK, awful.

 

 

 

In tears 

[Mook]

I've never really got the toast with a fry up thing. A fry up should have a sufficient amount of food that you don't need to have a load of toast with it.

 

Having it on the same plate is a cunt's trick.

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Mook said:

I've never really got the toast with a fry up thing. A fry up should have a sufficient amount of food that you don't need to have a load of toast with it.

 

Having it on the same plate is a cunt's trick.

Gayest post ever 

[Mook]

9 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Gayest post ever