Small pleasures?

[Dr Nowt]

I've been in my current place about 8 years and the sound insulation is pathetic really but aside from the odd instance, people were quite respectful not to piss everyone off too much. I tolerate the odd exception to that too, we're all twats from time to time.

 

We've had about 7 or 8 different neighbours on the side where the cunts are and I always used to hope for really quiet looking studious types or some old Doris but fucking hell last month in moves Mr. P. Animal, unlimited leisure time, massive sound system, and cunt to boot - balls!

 

He starts his cunting tunes going at about 1am, acts all nice if you ask him to turn it down, then whacks it back up again. I'm quite close to murdering him but am also looking at less violent options like the council. The police aren't able to do anything. In the meantime I'm running on fumes and with more hatred in me than Anakin Skywalker just before he dons that big black helmet.

 

I'm in the process of moving but I know it will take a few weeks to find a new place so I'm sleeping in industrial ear defenders until then, watching the calendar and developing tourettes. Why can't people just not be cunts.

 

Same as that mate, you just hope for people not to take the piss too much, as it has such an impact on sleep, stress, health etc when it's regularly extreme.  We had some real bad luck with it at our last place years ago, which ultimately resulted in a spectacular meltdown on my part that's still laughed about among our friends now, but did result in the cunts upstairs moving out. 

 

Yeah the police won't/can't help but also the council process is pretty long-winded I believe. Do they own or are they renting?  Assuming the latter, due to the frequency of change in their property, if there's a company/agent managing the freehold of the block I've had some joy going through them in the past.  Even by contacting the freeholder themselves; get either of them to complain to the letting agent & flat owner and go from there.  Once deposits and references start being risked people's incentive to knock it off tends to increase rapidly, disproportionate to their interest when you're asking them to do so out of basic decency and good manners. 

 

Just found it more efficient than the various resolutions you have to attempt via the council, which we've done some of in good faith, but of course, there is a basic principle for me that if someone was reasonable they probably wouldn't be behaving like that in the first place, to the extent someone who's happy to ignore a fair amount of noise as give and take is now sick of them, let alone continuing to in the face of polite requests to keep it down.

 

If all else fails go to their flat in your pants and tell them you're going to skin them and wear it like Buffalo Bill.  I tend to cut out the middle man for expediency now.

[Bjornebye]

whats his address? This sounds like a job for super-shit

[Russ Atmosphere]

whats his address? This sounds like a job for super-shit

 

I'd give it out but there would be bad reaper cushions.

[Russ Atmosphere]

Yeah the police won't/can't help but also the council process is pretty long-winded I believe. Do they own or are they renting?  Assuming the latter, due to the frequency of change in their property, if there's a company/agent managing the freehold of the block I've had some joy going through them in the past.  Even by contacting the freeholder themselves; get either of them to complain to the letting agent & flat owner and go from there.  Once deposits and references start being risked people's incentive to knock it off tends to increase rapidly, disproportionate to their interest when you're asking them to do so out of basic decency and good manners. 

 

 

I think they're renting Lizzie, we're waiting to find some more detail from the building manager who we've met before and is fairly sound. Thanks for the advice, I'd even thought about the reference threat but this guy is such a carefree, humanity stain that I don't know if it will register. 

 

He wrote me a note on the day of party number one.... which reads

 

Hi I'm your nabor, I've noked your door but I think you was out. I need to let you know that we have party tonight. If you feel the music is very loud... etcetera.

 

It was all bollocks like because we complained and he ignored it.

[Alan Sex]

When passengers bitch about going through a yellow light when the alternative was slamming on the brakes and rattling their skulls off the poles and bowling old Mrs Johnson down the aisle, breaking her other hip.

 

Ignorant cunts the lot of 'em.

Oh, it's the pleasures thread. Oops.

 

Ok then. Passing backed up traffic in a turn lane or the kerb lane in a bus then signaling and getting in at the last minute.

 

Douchey move in a private car - just part of the job on a bus.

 

Also, when I have to turn across traffic on a late yellow in order to clear the intersection- and some prick follows me round on what is now a red.

 

Cue me dragging the tail end through the intersection and leaving them stranded, wide eyed and panicking in the face of angry oncoming traffic.

[Nunavut Patrick]

Oh, it's the pleasures thread. Oops.

Ok then. Passing backed up traffic in a turn lane or the kerb lane in a bus then signaling and getting in at the last minute.

Douchey move in a private car - just part of the job on a bus.

Also, when I have to turn across traffic on a late yellow in order to clear the intersection- and some prick follows me round on what is now a red.

Cue me dragging the tail end through the intersection and leaving them stranded, wide eyed and panicking in the face of angry oncoming traffic.

You still in Calgary? Don't worry, with oil at 40$ a barrel soon everyone will be unemployed snd unable to drive their massive SUVs and F350 pick ups which will be ironic as pertrol is like 80c a litre...

[Dr Nowt]

I think they're renting Lizzie, we're waiting to find some more detail from the building manager who we've met before and is fairly sound. Thanks for the advice, I'd even thought about the reference threat but this guy is such a carefree, humanity stain that I don't know if it will register. 

 

He wrote me a note on the day of party number one.... which reads

 

Hi I'm your nabor, I've noked your door but I think you was out. I need to let you know that we have party tonight. If you feel the music is very loud... etcetera.

 

It was all bollocks like because we complained and he ignored it.

 

Ah, he appears to be a congenital idiot.  This brings unique challenges.  Good luck mate! 

[General Dryness]

I think they're renting Lizzie, we're waiting to find some more detail from the building manager who we've met before and is fairly sound. Thanks for the advice, I'd even thought about the reference threat but this guy is such a carefree, humanity stain that I don't know if it will register. 

 

He wrote me a note on the day of party number one.... which reads

 

Hi I'm your nabor, I've noked your door but I think you was out. I need to let you know that we have party tonight. If you feel the music is very loud... etcetera.

 

It was all bollocks like because we complained and he ignored it.

 

Pretend to be a ridiculously hard, no nonsense russian. Write him a note that says.

 

"You turn music down. Or I crush you like bug."

[Alan Sex]

You still in Calgary? Don't worry, with oil at 40$ a barrel soon everyone will be unemployed snd unable to drive their massive SUVs and F350 pick ups which will be ironic as pertrol is like 80c a litre...

Nope. Up in Edmonton. Bit more working class.

 

73.4c a litre today.

[Captain Turdseye]

We had some real bad luck with it at our last place years ago, which ultimately resulted in a spectacular meltdown on my part that's still laughed about among our friends now, but did result in the cunts upstairs moving out.

I can't be the only one that wants to hear more about this.

[stringvest]

I can't be the only one that wants to hear more about this.

 

too right you're not.  Spill, Ben

[Hand Shandy]

Nope. Up in Edmonton. Bit more working class.

 

73.4c a litre today.

73.4c?!?

 

That's 41p isn't it?

 

41p?!?

[Bob]

Ah, the little pleasure of driving on the outskirts of London just after rush hour knowing you're in no rush whatsoever and not letting any of the twats rile you.

 

Using the automatic start stop at every set of lights and even sometimes when just in traffic and happily taking a bit longer than normal to re-engage and pull away knowing how irate people are getting behind me.

 

Also, getting to the end of a podcast just as you arrive at your destination. That's an awesome feeling.

[Alan Sex]

73.4c?!?

 

That's 41p isn't it?

 

41p?!?

Its dropping like a heavy thing. Being dropped.

 

They'll be paying me to drive next.

 

Oh, wait.

[Dr Nowt]

I can't be the only one that wants to hear more about this.

 

too right you're not.  Spill, Ben

 

Already did. 

 

If all else fails go to their flat in your pants and tell them you're going to skin them and wear it like Buffalo Bill.

 

They contacted their agent the following day to ask to be released from their rental agreement as they said they felt unsafe.  Probably thought I wanted to bum them to death.

[RJ Fan club]

Homemade super fresh pesto. You don't even need meat with a pasta and fucking super fresh pesto to make a meal. That's how fucking good it's.

 

I'm mean I still have pancetta, cos bacon improves any meal. ANY MEAL!

[Alan Sex]

Already did. 

 

 

 

They contacted their agent the following day to ask to be released from their rental agreement as they said they felt unsafe.  Probably thought I wanted to bum them to death.

That's horrible.

 

A horrible waste. Surely it would be better to bum them to the brink of death then keep them shut in a cupboard until you feel up for another round.

[stringvest]

Ive just eaten a load of bacon. About a pound of it. Delicious, but saltier than SDs mousemat.

 

I'm now going to drink quite a lot of beer.

[Dr Nowt]

That's horrible.

 

A horrible waste. Surely it would be better to bum them to the brink of death then keep them shut in a cupboard until you feel up for another round.

 

Looking back it was a shameful waste.

 

I can remember my Mum's rebuke ringing in my ears; "There's children in Africa who'd kill for a flat full of cunts to bum to death."

[Vincent Vega]

I had some of those High Street vouchers and wanted some aftershave so went to Boots earlier today and asked for a 90ml bottle of Gucci by Gucci that was labelled at £62.00 on the display unit. Anyway, I get to the till and when the girl scans it it comes up at £16.80, I went back got another one, I would have bought more but they only had two. I reckon it must be a mistake because it's advertised at £62.00 on their website. Winning.

 

[bouncebrigade]

Waking up to discover your 18/1 shot won the golf in Hawaii who, when I was going to bed, looked like he had no chance.

[Mook]

When your missus is on early shift & she gets out of bed & you roll over to her side for a bonus nap.

[Champ]

Its gone 4 and its still light. Its the first time I've noticed the days getting longer

[bouncebrigade]

Slowing down coming up to a red light in second gear and then it changes to green before you have to stop.

[RedKnight]

Slowing down coming up to a red light in second gear and then it changes to green before you have to stop.

 

I like that, it's even better when there's two lines and a line of traffic in the other lane that you completely outstrip. Always reminds of Daytona USA racing game when you had the rolling start in the first race.