Management Buzz words

[Remmie]

What are your favourites and can you build a whole nonsensical sentence, jam packed with paradigms, soft skills and touching base?

[TwelveMonkeys]

Thanks for bringing this to the table. For this to be actionable we need to think outside the box. Lets go blue sky. Green field. But lets keep it vanilla. We need to ensure we ring fence the issue whilst keeping focused on the bigger picture. Lets get together later for a mind shower. Park it for now- but keep the engine running.

[Remmie]

I'll take that on board; vis-a-vis aforementioned mindshower as cascaded sideways. Going forward, my vision is to touch base with soft skilled power users, creating a thoroughfare environment. Aplomb

[Gav]

What are your favourites and can you build a whole nonsensical sentence, jam packed with paradigms, soft skills and touching base?

 

 

 

Even though you'll claim to have posted this already in 2001 as per normal ,

 

http://www.bullshitbingo.com

[TwelveMonkeys]

Hmmmm. I'm not sure we are singing from the same song book. It's definately on my radar, just not mission critical. Lets concentrate on the low hanging fruit but keep focused on magnetic North. You need to get docked with this pronto, but keep with the can do attitude. Lets get back out there and cook the goose.

[Monkeywool]

This is not going to be actionable in the framework currently on the table. If we can set up a timeline and ease it into the manageable time structure we can go and deliver the performance excellence we promised. Oh and can you put a file note in his profile, I just dont think his performance is desirable.

[Guest molbyscorchio]

Try this one - perfect for laptops/PDAs in meetings....

 

Bullshit Bingo

[wiiksie]

This thread reminds me why I left my office job and started my own business. Keep it up fellas, its fucking amusing...

[bri]

what time are we going the pub?

[rondeco]

what time are we going the pub?

 

:D

Have you an E.T.A for the actioning of consumption in the recreational centre?

[TwelveMonkeys]

OK...lets keep this on the down-low. I can hear the wolves barking but we need to keep eyes on the main driver. Lets white board the actionables, Remmie you have the floor. I want to be crystal here - lets question the answers then park up for a walk around the block. And listen, there are no wrong answers - just bad questions.

[Remmie]

Such scattergun tactics breach the overview of a Birds eye strategy, developing dual yet streamlined resources is the key dynamic. We need less Bluster, more custard (OK I made that one up)

[TwelveMonkeys]

Such scattergun tactics breach the overview of a Birds eye strategy, developing dual yet streamlined resources is the key dynamic. We need less Bluster, more custard (OK I made that one up)

 

As long as it's vanilla, we are cooking on gas.

[bri]

There is no greater pleasure, (well I'm sure there is) than asking someone to repeat themselves pretending you haven't heard them. Also you can say things like "what box" when people ask you think outside it.

 

also drug speak is pretty confusing these days.

 

Is it: this shit is dope or is this dope shit or is this dope the shit or it seems everything is sick these days or the bomb

[Neil G]

No-one's even suggested pushing the envelope yet. Amateurs.

[Michael Howard]

I remember an old boss saying this to me (after I had made some constructive suggestions for improving ways or working / staff communication or something):

 

"You are talking about redecorating the shed. I don't want a shed. I want to demolish the shed and build a new conservatory"

 

His other one was "we're in the middle of the battle of britain here and you want to redecorate the inside of the spitfire cockpit".

 

(he liked decorating analogies)

 

I left shortly after these chats!

[TwelveMonkeys]

I remember an old boss saying this to me (after I had made some constructive suggestions for improving ways or working / staff communication or something):

 

"You are talking about redecorating the shed. I don't want a shed. I want to demolish the shed and build a new conservatory"

 

His other one was "we're in the middle of the battle of britain here and you want to redecorate the inside of the spitfire cockpit".

 

(he liked decorating analogies)

 

I left shortly after these chats!

 

Now that I like.

[sh#t waffle]

I was at a team building day a while back, and our head of marketing revealed, during his presentation, our 'corporate onion' - basically a pie chart that wasn't quite round. Chris Morris could have done no better.

[Remmie]

I was at a team building day a while back, and our head of marketing revealed, during his presentation, our 'corporate onion' - basically a pie chart that wasn't quite round. Chris Morris could have done no better.

Did the word Onion start flashing?

[sh#t waffle]

Did the word Onion start flashing?

Only when we started drawing a chain of fox heads on sticks.

 

I was just on a Brass Eye site, and I never realised that the commentary on the DVD just consists of Chris Morris paying a load of homeless guys to watch the show! I know what I'm watching when I get home..

[hamstrung]

Not so much a word, but phrase overheard this very morning

 

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build your own door"

[Section_31]

Not so much a word, but phrase overheard this very morning

 

"If opportunity doesn't knock, build your own door"

 

Surely build your own fist would make more sense? You can build all the doors you want but if nobody's knocking what's the fucking point?

 

"Blue Sky thinking" is the latest one, it makes me physically sick.

 

My company is in a strange 'place' at the moment, the old school are all hard bitten men of the world types who swear at coppers down the phone and go for beers at dinner time, but they're being replaced by British corporate standard robots, the kind of people who not only let the company shit on them - but actually thank it for doing so.

 

I was on training recently and one girl said "Will all of this be cascaded down to us?"

 

I'll cascade something on you you stupid bint.

[hamstrung]

I hate the use of the word cascade in that sort of situation. They've ruined a perfectly good word.

[dirty_sanchez]

I hate "touching base" or "touch base". "Let's book some time and touch base reference..."

 

Or, you could just ask me now?

[TonyTNT]

My director loves to use the phrase "Circle The Wagons". I'm pretty sure he means lets tighting things up during the credit crunch but I'm not 100%. I don't really want to draw attention to myself by asking him why the fuck does he talk in riddles all the time...the bell end.