TwelveMonkeys

Panic buy or not, Torres wanted to leave! He didn't want to play for us and to be fair hasn't played for us for yet this season! So we have paid over the odds for a young striker - what was the option? To see out the rest of the season with an attack spearheaded by Ngog?? Come Sunday, lets get behind the future, and ignore the past.

The principle of rotation isn't the problem - it's what you are rotating that's important. Rafa was rotating round an average squad - the other top clubs rotate seasoned internationals and players that would generally start week in / week out for most other clubs.

The best I have recently... ..every year I take 30 school children up to the Lakes for a residential - lots of hill walking and such. This year we had a young lass that had some issues walking from a young age and had an unusual walking style. When the coach driver picked us up to come home, he asked me how all the children had gone on and coped with the walking. I said great - they had all done brilliantly...he said "..what about that lame girl.."...fuck me how I didn't laugh in his face. His face was a picture - dead serious and concerned. You cannot beat the humour that comes from immensley thick people.

Just back from a week in the Lakes having survided the Bird. Thanks to all family and friends for all the kind words and well wishes on this site - can't believe people like Bren more than me - cunts.

Fair enough....although I can guarantee you Noos playing football is nothing at all to do with football.

Fuckin hell you need a fuckin hobby...or a shag...or both. Anyway you look at, No'os', you aint' get'ting within pissing dis'tance of me at football....again'. ...and to save me another text messaege next week..."....MEGS..."

****** THIS JUST IN******** Doctors claim MJ died from overpicking his nose. Police are blaming it on the bogey.

OK - make it £91 - but I keep the laces.

£93...you give me the money and I will order them for you.

My Adidas Kaiser's split whilst securing my 7th Megs of the night on Noo's last Monday. This left me in the exciting yet painful state of having to buy new boots. I ventured into JJB (shit) and SportsDirect to see what they had. Being a traditionalist I will only purchase black boots (a little bit of white is acceptable). I have one rule with footy boots - they must be Adidas. The only Adidas they had which I would entertain were World Cup's and no molded studs plus too much money. I was forced to look elswhere when I noticed the Puma Kings - everyone's 2nd favourite boots from their youth. Puma Kings were 55 quid - Puma King XL's (new edition to celebrate 40 years of existance) were 65 quid. Nobheads didn't have my size. Got home and searched on-line - SportsDirect.com has Puma KING XL for £30!! This has to be a typo - selling on ebay for £60, selling in most shops for £65 - £90. Pick up a baragin today!! SportsDirect.com - Search Results

...so you were in an arena with 30,000 woman but you spent the night trying to spot a bloke..... ....didn't Noo's give you a "CUUUUUU-EEEEEEEE" wave?

Tell me about it...I took the full impact of the smash in the back seat - it literally smashed the screen of my new laptop and bent several of my Ping irons I happended to be transporting in the boot. Ooooh...and I could do with a new leather jacket if you can work it in.

I find the best route is to always make other peoples business your own - if she cannot make her mind up you make it up for her - call the brother and tell him his sister says he is a twat and she hopes he dies. Make it clear this is not your opinion as your life experience tells you to forgive and forget and that blood is thicker than water etc etc, but his sister fucking hates him. Hang up and call your friend and tell her her brother just called you to ask if he could borrow £500 quid. You said you would talk to his sister about it at which point he called you a cunt and said he was going to make up some shit to try to spoil your friendship with his sister. Act confused and upset. Soon you will have your friend all to yourself without this pesky brother getting in the way and with a little more work may even get written into the will. Result.

How can you tell where she hit?

I am quietly confident you didn't get laid last night - which makes you the worst kind of gay - the kind stuck in a marriage whilst you agree to go along to concerts to watch semi-clad homo's do their thaing..."...but I couldn't get out of it...". Right. I bet you kicked and screamed all the way to the fancy dress shop. Homo.

Not only that, but one of you would wake up in the morning to find him stood at the side of your bed with your wallet in his hand, your tv under his arm, and your car warming up on the drive - the convresation would go something like this... You - "what the fuck??" him - "what?" you - "what you doin?" him - "what?" you - "you've got my fuckin wallet, tv and car!!!" him - "what?" you - "MY WALLET, MY TV AND MY CAR - YOU HAVE THEM" him - "no I haven't" you - "...what...fuck...it's there in your hand!!" him - "no it isn't" you - "I am looking at it right fucking now!!!!" him - "no your not" you - "fuck"

Bollocks. Family deserve a chance more than good friends - but when family start to take the piss time after time, you should tell them to fuck off. If they value the family as much as you do, why do they consistantly fuck stuff up, piss you off, and generally treat you worse than they do their friends. The whole "blood is thicker than water" is correct, but blood can be diluted over years of abuse. Sounds to me like the brother in question is a complete wank stain and should be told to fuck off by his entire family untill such time as he grows the fuck up.... ...unless of course your friends brother is 7.

Fucking hell...I'm free....fuck....not even any fireworks when the fuckin door opens...fuckers...take a negging. Fuck.

There is a guy at the gym I go to who stands stark bollock naked in front of a mirror shaving his face and head like the guy out of Predator....Well...not quite naked...he generally wears flip flops. Fuckin Freak.

What's black an sits at the top of the stairs? Steven Hawking after a house fire

I don't give a fuck.........What's the story with his fingers? A couple sawn off and one that's been attacked by a pencil sharpener.

Nothing to forgive. She is just a fuckin waste of energy and space. The sooner she dies the sooner we can all move on - whether that is through grieving a fat useless whore, or just wiping her from our memories as quick as we can. In the balance of life, the fact that she has it may mean that some normal loving mother of two doesn't get it. I know logically this is crap, but it all adds to my "why should I give a fuck about her" opinon. I am with Noo's - cancer has claimed some victims in its time and has got some seriously bad press - looks like its turning a corner. As for being too young to die - well...that's just bollocks.

...and NSFW.... eFukt.com - porn you wish you never saw - 1 Guy 1 Cup ...only he knows why

Ground floor Spectators....sat down...lowest level....furthest away seats.....rear block....three rows back...six from the right in from the lady with the tarten blanket.... ...enjoying the show are we?

Next week...Wendy Bumgardener's top five pitfalls on breathing. 1) Don't breathe out when needing to breathe in 2) Don't breathe in when needing to breathe out 3) If you have a blocked nose, breathe through your mouth 4) When following your missus onto the toilet, breathe through your mouth 5) When underwater, don't breathe Not following these five simple steps can cause problems when breathing ranging from smelling bad smells, to death through lack of breathing.