Favourite Quotes from the Simpsons

[Paulie Dangerously]

With the hipping and the hopping and the bipping the bopping. So they don't know what the jazz, is all about!

[Kevin D]

Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.

Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?

Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered - in you.

Mr. Burns: I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?

Doctor: Uh, no, no, I'm afraid not.

Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.

Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. Uh, if you have a moment, I can explain.

Mr. Burns: Well...

[looks at his watch]

Mr. Burns: [the Doctor puts a tiny model house door on his desk]

Doctor: Here's the door to your body, see?

[bring up some small fuzz balls with goofy faces and limbs from under the desk]

Doctor: And these are oversized novelty germs.

[points to a different one up as he names each disease]

Doctor: That's influenza, that's bronchitis,

[holds up one]

Doctor: and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once.

[tries to cram a bunch through the model door. The "germs" get stuck]

Doctor: [stooge-like] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Move it, chowderhead.

[normal voice]

Doctor: We call it, "Three Stooges Syndrome".

Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is, I'm indestructible.

Doctor: Oh, no, no, in fact, even the slightest breeze could...

Mr. Burns: Indestructible.

[Soleilrouge]

Bake 'em away toys.

 

Chief Wiggam

[Kevin D]

Tonight on celebrity chop shop, we sell the parts of Jason Bateman's bentley.

 

Bateman: What did you do to my car?

Guy: Dude, you've been chop shopped.

Bateman: Why would you do that? How am I supposed to get home?

Guy: Chop shop! Chop shop!

[Hades]

Mr. Burns is an underrated character.

 

Mr. Burns: Yes, I'd like to send this letter to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the 4:30 autogyro?

Kid: Uh, I better look in the manual.

Mr. Burns: [groans] Oh, the ignorance.

Kid: This book must be out of date: I don't see "Prussia", "Siam", or "autogyro".

Mr. Burns: Well, keep looking!

 

Burns: Smithers, I've designed a new plane. I call it the "Spruce

Moose", and it will carry two hundred passengers from New

York's Idyllwild Airport to the Belgian Congo in seventeen

minutes!

Smithers: That's quite a nice model, sir.

Burns: Model?

 

Mr. Burns: To the plant! We'll take the spruce moose! Hop in!

Mr. Smithers:...But sir.

Mr.Burns: -pulls out a gun- I said...hop in....

 

Computer: Enter place of birth

Mr. Burns: Pangea

 

Burns: Careful, Smithers! That sponge has corners, you know.

Smithers: I'll go find a spherical one, sir.

[Sparky]

The dental plan episode was on over the weekend, that's a great Burns episode.

 

Kent Brockman: Now, Mr. Burns, you said you wanted an opening tirade.

Mr. Burns: Yes, thank you, Kent. Fifteen minutes from now, I will wreak a terrible vengeance on this city. No one will be spared. NO ONE.

Kent Brockman: [chuckles] A chilling portrait of things to come.

 

Mr. Burns: This is a thousand monkeys working at a thousand typewriters. Soon, they'll have finished the greatest novel known to man.

[reads a page]

Mr. Burns: All right, let's see... "It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times?" You stupid monkey.

 

Mr. Burns: We don't have to be adversaries, Homer. We both want a fair union contract.

Homer: [thinking] Why is Mr. Burns being so nice to me?

Mr. Burns: And if you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.

Homer: [thinking] Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?

Mr. Burns: I mean, if I should slip something into your pocket, what's the harm?

Homer: [thinking] My God! He IS coming onto me!

Mr. Burns: After all, negotiations make strange bedfellows.

[chuckle]

Mr. Burns: [wink]

Homer: [thinking] Aaaaaagh!

Homer: [aloud] Sorry, Mr. Burns, but I don't go in for these backdoor shenanigans. Sure, I'm flattered, maybe even a little curious, but the answer is no!

[Adebisi]

this made me laugh, from the episode with the Carny folk taking over the house from season 9. Probably the last quality season.

[md1892]

[Pidge]

QB7g9qL3LC8

 

Hence the user title...

[Ted]

Garr, tis no man! Tis a remorseless eating machine!

 

Garr, shut up! I know what I'm doing! (a ship crashes) I hate the sea and everything in it.

[Lario]

I've got two questions.

Number one: where's the fife?

Number two: gimme the fife!

[Adebisi]

Just watched the Homer and Apu episode and I think James Woods is probably my favourite guest star, though Rodney Dangerfield as Burns' son is brilliant as well.

[Dr Nowt]

Abe:

 

"I'm in love. No, wait, it's a stroke."

[Paulie Dangerously]

Krusty and the Red Hot Chilli Peppers

 

Krusty the Clown: Now, boys, the network has a problem with some of your lyrics. Do you mind changing them for the show?

 

Anthony Kiedis: Forget you, clown.

 

Chad Smith: Yeah, our lyrics are like our children, man. No way.

 

Krusty the Clown: Well, okay, but here where it says, "What I got you gotta get and put it in ya," how about just, "What I'd like is I'd like to hug and kiss ya."

 

Flea: Wow. That's much better.

 

Arik Marshall: Everyone can enjoy that.

[Baldi]

Mr. Burns: Compadres, it is imperative that we crush the freedom fighters before the start of the rainy season. And remember, a shiny new donkey for whoever brings me the head of Colonel Montoya. (Smithers whispers to him) And by that, I mean, it's time for the worker of the week award.

[Dan]

[YOUTUBE]?v=Zh5knx1Bt64[/YOUTUBE]

[Pidge]

czum0Q_000c

[Tom R]

Garr' date=' tis no man! Tis a remorseless eating machine!

 

Garr, shut up! I know what I'm doing! (a ship crashes) I hate the sea and everything in it.[/quote']

 

"bottomless Pete! Come for the food... stay for the freak!"

[Paulie Dangerously]

"bottomless Pete! Come for the food... stay for the freak!"

 

"I hear they shaved a gorilla"

[Faustus]

"For once, the rich white man is on top."

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Doctor: Mr. Burns, I'm afraid you are the sickest man in the United States. You have everything.

Mr. Burns: You mean I have pneumonia?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Juvenile diabetes?

Doctor: Yes.

Mr. Burns: Hysterical pregnancy?

Doctor: Uh, a little bit, yes. You also have several diseases that have just been discovered - in you.

Mr. Burns: I see. You sure you haven't just made thousands of mistakes?

Doctor: Uh, no, no, I'm afraid not.

Mr. Burns: This sounds like bad news.

Doctor: Well, you'd think so, but all of your diseases are in perfect balance. Uh, if you have a moment, I can explain.

Mr. Burns: Well...

[looks at his watch]

Mr. Burns: [the Doctor puts a tiny model house door on his desk]

Doctor: Here's the door to your body, see?

[bring up some small fuzz balls with goofy faces and limbs from under the desk]

Doctor: And these are oversized novelty germs.

[points to a different one up as he names each disease]

Doctor: That's influenza, that's bronchitis,

[holds up one]

Doctor: and this cute little cuddle-bug is pancreatic cancer. Here's what happens when they all try to get through the door at once.

[tries to cram a bunch through the model door. The "germs" get stuck]

Doctor: [stooge-like] Woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo-woo. Move it, chowderhead.

[normal voice]

Doctor: We call it, "Three Stooges Syndrome".

Mr. Burns: So what you're saying is, I'm indestructible.

Doctor: Oh, no, no, in fact, even the slightest breeze could...

Mr. Burns: Indestructible.

 

Haha, what episode is that?

[Kevin D]

Haha, what episode is that?

 

Pretty sure it's the Mansion family, and somewhere from season 12-14. Britney Spears guest stars.

[Ted]

"Forget you, clown" is one of my all time favourite throwaway lines from the series.

 

That was at a point when their throwaway lines were better than every other show's big punchlines.

[Ted]

Oh you better believe that's a paddlin'

[md1892]

"I hear they shaved a gorilla"

 

He be more stomach, than man.