Best jobs for amputees.

[Captain Turdseye]

South African bathroom assassin.

[Hades]

Porn star.

[stringvest]

Taxi hailer

 

piano player for Coldplay

[Bjornebye]

Darts player

[Bobby Hundreds]

Perp fingerer

[Elite]

Jordan Hendersons pointing instructor.

[Guest]

Jordan Hendersons pointing instructor.

Surely he needs two arms and two legs to be able to run sideways and point in all directions in meaningless shows of power?

[Gruntfuttock]

Tarzan

[Chip Butty]

Referee the 30-mile hop against St Anthony's

[AL66GOLF]

Talking about amputees.........

 

What do you call a limbless man in a swimming pool? Bob

 

What do you call a limbless man at your door? Matt

[liverpoolsno9]

Bandit? Used to be quite a big demand for that one armed bandits.

[Aventus]

Why did the girl fall off the swing?

 

 

Because she had no arms

 

 

 

What was her knickname?

 

 

Shitty arse

[lifetime fan]

                                                                  "Wax on..."

 

 

                                                  "Don't Feeeeeeeeel. Think!"

 

 

 

The right thing has been done.

[Fugitive]

A fluffer.

[Guest]

Illusionist?

 

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[Trumo]

A woman puts a 'lonely hearts' ad in her local paper saying that she needs a man who can satisfy her in bed, won't beat her, and won't run from her. She gets thousands and thousands of replies but can't find what she's looking for. She is about to give up when one day the doorbell rings. She opens the door and finds a man with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair.

 

She asks, "Can I help you?"

 

He says, "I'm here about your ad."

 

She says, "Forgive me but I don’t see how you can help me."

 

He says, "Well, number one, I don't have any arms so I can't beat you, and number two, I don't have any legs so I can't run from you..."

 

She cuts in and asks, "Well how do you expect to help me with the third thing?"

 

He replies, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

[Pureblood]

One-armed professional child smacker.

[Anny Road]

cat stroker

[Evelyn Tentions]

Tarzan

Not as a unidexter. Dudley Moore already got turned down.

[Mook]

Working at an airport guiding one eyed pilots on to the runway.

[Carvalho Diablo]

My adopted step-brother was born with only 3 fingers on his right hand, and only half a left arm with 2 fingers on his left hand.

 

He started doing some fiddle work for my mate Paddy, who's a gardener. Took 5 minutes for Pat to give him the nickname Edward Scissorhands.

[Mook]

I went to a gig once & the drummer had a fake arm, I turned round to my mate & said, "If he's better then me, I'm going to chop his other arm off.". The boy behind us tapped me on the shoulder & said, "I'm the singer in this band.".

 

If the ground could've swallowed me up at that moment.

[SammyAftershave]

Professional Hokey Cokey dancer.

[Strontium]

[stringvest]

Bandit