Advice please on how to kill a dog.

[Elmyn Noos]

I don't get the sponge and lard/gravy thing?

[jonnybastard]

I don't get the sponge and lard/gravy thing?

 

I assume it's foam sponge, not cake sponge. It swells inside them, blocking everything up. The lard/gravy is to make it more appetising. Chocolate is far kinder, like a coke/whizz overdose for dogs.

[Elmyn Noos]

Well, I kind of do want him to suffer. He's a right cunt.

[Flying Pig]

Just realised I spelt 'alibi' wrong. Hope it doesn't ruin the thread.

[stevebaby]

Killing the dog seems like cruelty to me Noos. Why not just kick him in the bollocks until he runs away.?

[md1892]

Well, I kind of do want him to suffer. He's a right cunt.

 

Is he more of a cunt than you though ? That is the question you have to ask.

 

I suspect a suicide pact with dog maybe the only fair solution, only you go first.

[Lucky Pierre]

Is it fully grown? If not, just put it's collar on quite tight so 'he can't take it off', then don't loosen it as it gets older

[Captain Turdseye]

Sell it to the local kebab shop.

[Champ]

Is it fully grown? If not, just put it's collar on quite tight so 'he can't take it off', then don't loosen it as it gets older

I saw that ad too ;)

[gumps]

Why do you have to kill it?

 

If you can't handle the ups and downs of dog ownership then give it to a local shelter.

[Red Soul]

I'm still alive, and so is the dog. For now. My missus ate all the fruit and nut, and the fussy cunt won't eat onion or garlic. The dog that is, not the missus. The missus will eat owt.

 

Are you sure its a Lab Noos?.My lab will eat anything including leftover bolognese,which obviously includes onions.Onions are only poisonous in large ammounts.My first lab had a particular liking for eating plastic bags.

Pulling a plastic bag out of a shitting dogs arse in full view of the public is not a memory I treasure.

You will have to force feed the poor little fucker a large bag of onions while the family is out.A messy business granted but you while the dog is rolling in agony on the floor shitting out his intestines you will have ready made onion tears to allay any suspicion.

 

Seriously though,I have had two labs and they do calm down.When they are about 6!!.Chocolate labs are more prone to heart defects and hip problems so your wait may be in vain.

[Red Soul]

Why do you have to kill it?

 

If you can't handle the ups and downs of dog ownership then give it to a local shelter.

 

I am pretty sure he is not serious mate.

[Red Soul]

Actually on the off chance he does have a heart defect.You could try a carefully planned campaign of hiding behind objects around the house and jumping out on him as he walks past.I would wait until all the family are out when you do it though.

[Skidfingers McGonical]

So is the dog still alive and taking the piss out of you Noos?

[Elmyn Noos]

So is the dog still alive and taking the piss out of you Noos?

 

He is, the little fuck. I've just got back from the doctors with my extra-strong painkillers for my back. As soon as I got home, he looks at me, stretches, arching his back, in a manner that said to me - Hey look what I can do, Noos you soft cunt, and by the way, that sponge was delicious, you'll be picking it up out of the garden in about 1 hour.

[Uncle_Meat]

1. Get a picture of it in a compromising position with some puppies.

2. Post picture on facebook with comment "IN UR BASKITS, SNUGGZIN UR PUPZ"

3. Wait for dribbling mongs to put up a page calling your dog fit to burn, along with comments relating in great detail how the dog should be punished.

4. Let them

[Skidfingers McGonical]

He is, the little fuck. I've just got back from the doctors with my extra-strong painkillers for my back. As soon as I got home, he looks at me, stretches, arching his back, in a manner that said to me - Hey look what I can do, Noos you soft cunt, and by the way, that sponge was delicious, you'll be picking it up out of the garden in about 1 hour.

 

Oh, he's fucking goading you big time.

 

Your are not going to let him carry on are you?

 

Next he will be shagging something of yours that has great sentimental value to you, but he will do it while looking at you the whole time thinking "Yeah, you se what I am doing to do this, I am the daddy, you can't get rid of me because the wife and kids won't have it. Oh look a that, my jizz is all over it, oh yeah"

[Stu Monty]

Oh, he's fucking goading you big time.

 

Your are not going to let him carry on are you?

 

Next he will be shagging something of yours that has great sentimental value to you, but he will do it while looking at you the whole time thinking "Yeah, you se what I am doing to do this, I am the daddy, you can't get rid of me because the wife and kids won't have it. Oh look a that, my jizz is all over it, oh yeah"

 

I was thinking of the wife and kids when you said he's be banging something and winking at Noos.

 

What? It's already been established he's a cunt!

[Elmyn Noos]

He's whining to go out for a walk now. Unfortunately for him, there is only person that can take him out for his evening walk, and I can't do it, because my back is fucked.

 

Listen to him whine. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...FUCK YOU DOG. FUCK YOU. HA HA HA HA HA.

[Bjornebye]

stick him on top of the kitchen cupboards. when he jumps down he will hurt himself. just do it for a laugh. show him who is boss.

[Redder Lurtz]

He's whining to go out for a walk now. Unfortunately for him, there is only person that can take him out for his evening walk, and I can't do it, because my back is fucked.

 

Listen to him whine. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...FUCK YOU DOG. FUCK YOU. HA HA HA HA HA.

 

He's going to shite all over your kitchen tonight Noos.

[Chip Butty]

Mate of mine's dog died when we were growing up, so his dad dug a grave for him to bury the dog in, my mate was sobbing as his dad dug and put the dog in the grave.

When he put the dog in, it's legs were sticking out of the grave as the grave was too shallow and narrow - his dad pulls the dog out of the grave, gets his spade and chops the dogs legs off, throws it's body in the grave, then throws the legs on top and turns to my mate and asks him will he cover the dog up as he wants to go the pub.

 

The 70's was an era for real men.

[Elmyn Noos]

Took the dog to the park yesterday where he spent the entire time there trying to quench his insatiable appetite for other dogs piss. If he smells it on a tree, a wall, a lamp-post anything, there is nothing that will divert his attention from it - not food, not other dogs, nothing. The final straw for me came when despite this other dog having a right go at him, he insisted on drinking its piss straight from the tap, so's to speak. He was literally gulping it down as the other dog tried to simultaneously take a pee in peace, and bite my dog's face off.

 

I'm taking him to the vets on Friday to have his knackers cut off. I'm told it might calm him down. Frankly, I don't care; I'm doing it out of spite.

[VladimirIlyich]

Took the dog to the park yesterday where he spent the entire time there trying to quench his insatiable appetite for other dogs piss. If he smells it on a tree' date=' a wall, a lamp-post anything, there is nothing that will divert his attention from it - not food, not other dogs, nothing. The final straw for me came when despite this other dog having a right go at him, he insisted on drinking its piss straight from the tap, so's to speak. He was literally gulping it down as the other dog tried to simultaneously take a pee in peace, and bite my dog's face off.

 

I'm taking him to the vets on Friday to have his knackers cut off. I'm told it might calm him down. Frankly, I don't care; I'm doing it out of spite.[/quote']

 

Is he one of those Golden Shower Retrievers?

[Unrighteous]

This thread made me chuckle. Heartily.