Instant cunt identifiers

[Lee909]

Thats just not a plane issue

Too many people cant deal with silence in life,even sitting with family they feel the need to talk about something

[VladimirIlyich]

Thats the fella I was thinking of with his 'low hanging fruit.'

[Section_31]

Just found out our new marketing director is some bellwhiff I'd christened 'Mr time is money'.

 

If he's behind you in the canteen queue he starts sighing, and he runs up the stairs to get to his office (the stairs in our open plan office run for about 50 metres)

 

He's been sitting in on meetings with all the teams and he's cancelled the last three he was supposed to sit in on with ours, reducing it down to 'I'll sit in for ten minutes then I'll have to go'.

 

The last one he didn't turn up and sent his PA who barged in and announced herself as 'I'm his PA, he's asked me to tell you he can't make it'.

 

You just know that's all part of the buzz for him, getting his 'PA' to do it.

 

Big companies are just articulation frames for mediocre oddballs with big egos, nothing more, that's why we come up short so often against foreign firms. German and Japanese companies are probably packed to the rafters with people who went to Harvard business school, ours are packed with idiots who play five a side football with the boss and wear five year old Barbour jackets on a night out.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Those who get into a near empty lift and despite having easy access to the buttons say "third floor please"

 

Who am I? You're fucking bell boy?

[Carvalho Diablo]

Those who get into a near empty lift and despite having easy access to the buttons say "third floor please"

 

Who am I? You're fucking bell boy?

 

Meep , meep.

[Moctezuma]

 

I'm guessing this was seen by a channel four commissioner a number of years ago, he conveened a meeting put the picture in the middle of the table and said "Make it Happen"

[Section_31]

People who bring cafetieres into work. 

[Harry Squatter]

Anyone who has a joint Facebook account with their bird.

[Section_31]

Anyone who has a joint Facebook account with their bird.

What about joint email address?

 

Mail to Jennieandphil@hotmail.com

 

* shudder

[Dr Nowt]

What about joint email address?

 

Mail to Jennieandphil@hotmail.com

 

* shudder

 

First thing I thought of.

[bouncebrigade]

People with irrational moods.  Way too happy on a Friday and way too down on a Monday.  Keep it on an even keel, cunts.

[bouncebrigade]

What about joint email address?

 

Mail to Jennieandphil@hotmail.com

 

* shudder

 

Acceptable only for RSVPs to wedding invites.  And even then only at a push.

[Section_31]

People with irrational moods.  Way too happy on a Friday and way too down on a Monday.  Keep it on an even keel, cunts.

 

People who cry a lot. My Mrs's mate starts crying every time she's drunk, usually because the kids she teaches remind her of the kids in school (?) 

 

Feel like telling her to man the fuck up, the last time I cried was when my granddad died when I was 17, the only other time after that was the baseball game at the end of Band of Brothers - and only briefly. 

[Tony Moanero]

People who cry a lot. My Mrs's mate starts crying every time she's drunk, usually because the kids she teaches remind her of the kids in school (?)

 

Feel like telling her to man the fuck up, the last time I cried was when my granddad died when I was 17, the only other time after that was the baseball game at the end of Band of Brothers - and only briefly.

There's fuck all wrong with letting it all out and having a good cry, I can't see the point of bottling things up.

[A Red]

Joint Facebook accounts are too ridiculous too consider. Its all about insecurity. However, me and ms red do have a joint email address for practical reasons such as the business etc. but we also have our own addresses.

 

I mainly use mine for viagra and dating sites.

[Bjornebye]

A joint facebook account? Oh my fucking word. honestly, it's shit like that which makes me want to stroll down Raqqa high street wearing a apir of gazza style fake tits,  in a pair of union jack boxer shorts and a pair of flip flops and just give the fuck up.

 

fucking twats. If I get to work and realise I've left my facebook open on the MacBook I fly home. Literally fucking fly. Over the roofs.

[lifetime fan]

People who buy eggs from battery caged hens.

 

Is it really worth it for 25p you cunt.

[bouncebrigade]

People who buy eggs from battery caged hens.

 

Is it really worth it for 25p you cunt.

 

There's really no eggs-cuse in order to save such a poultry sum.

[lifetime fan]

People who cry a lot. My Mrs's mate starts crying every time she's drunk, usually because the kids she teaches remind her of the kids in school (?)

 

Feel like telling her to man the fuck up, the last time I cried was when my granddad died when I was 17, the only other time after that was the baseball game at the end of Band of Brothers - and only briefly.

You've obviously never watched The Queen of Sheba.

[Section_31]

People who buy eggs from battery caged hens.

 

Is it really worth it for 25p you cunt.

I've always been largely unconcerned with the welfare of chickens. The opinions of a creature that can live for extended periods without a head carries very little weight with me.

[Trumo]

...the kids she teaches remind her of the kids in school (?) 

 

Maybe because they're the same kids!

[Bjornebye]

I find it hard to trust labels in shops. 'free range' yeah right. How big was the yard and how many chickens were in it and what did you kill it with.

 

'prime beef' yeah whatever you still fucked it before you killed it.

 

You can't get too sentimental when you are about to eat one of the fuckers that was killed in order for you to eat it.

[Harry Squatter]

People who try to embroil themselves in news (another Facebook gripe).

 

When that gunman held everyone hostage in Sydney a few people who were there at the time just put on their status.

 

"Just to let you know I'm safe, it's been terrible here".

 

Some fella who worked with me once went to Egypt when a load if people got shot in Luxor. He rung up and said "just to let everyone know that I'm safe". He was staying in Sharm El Sheikh about 500 miles away.

[stringvest]

People who try to embroil themselves in news (another Facebook gripe).

 

When that gunman held everyone hostage in Sydney a few people who were there at the time just put on their status.

 

"Just to let you know I'm safe, it's been terrible here".

 

Some fella who worked with me once went to Egypt when a load if people got shot in Luxor. He rung up and said "just to let everyone know that I'm safe". He was staying in Sharm El Sheikh about 500 miles away.

 

it's ok, they missed.

[Section_31]

People who try to embroil themselves in news (another Facebook gripe).

 

When that gunman held everyone hostage in Sydney a few people who were there at the time just put on their status.

 

"Just to let you know I'm safe, it's been terrible here".

 

Some fella who worked with me once went to Egypt when a load if people got shot in Luxor. He rung up and said "just to let everyone know that I'm safe". He was staying in Sharm El Sheikh about 500 miles away.

An old work mate was travelling in Thailand when the tsunami hit and I text him saying "if you're dead can I have your X Box?"

 

I never heard from him again.