Instant cunt identifiers

[Champ]

People,folks,ladies and gents,sir and madam.

To name but a few.

Folks, I'll give you, but I reckon 'guys' is my go to expression when addressing an assembled mixed group, more so than addressing a group of males even, I reckon

[A Red]

I also hate the guys reference, its just silly really when addressing mixed sexes. Why not say lasses?

 

Its an Americanism anyway so should be nipped in the bud.

 

Rugby players "the guys performed well today". Round ball players "the lads did well today"

[Dr Nowt]

There are some pretty tenuous cunt identifiers in this thread so I'm just going with anyone human.

 

Fucking virus in shoes the lot of them.

 

Sent from my phone using my paws.

[stringvest]

Charity muggers.

 

"Would you like a free hug?"

 

Only time I actively wish I had lepracy.

 

just reply "would you like a free feel up while we're hugging?"

 

At least everyone knows where they stand then.  

[Dr Nowt]

just reply "would you like a free feel up while we're hugging?"

 

At least everyone knows where they stand then.

I just wet my index finger and tell them to unbuckle.

 

On a kind of similar note, I was always amazed by how difficult lads I was with found it to rid themselves of the Las Ramblas street brass who all look like Michael Reiziger, and buzz around incessantly in the hope of finding someone desperate, pissed and daffy who's wallet they can turn over.

 

Simply request something so disgusting they move away from you like you're infested with plague.

 

"How much to shit down your back?" being statistically the most effective.

[VladimirIlyich]

I just wet my index finger and tell them to unbuckle.

Trust me,I'm a Doctor.......of lurrrrvvve.

[Dr Nowt]

Trust me,I'm a Doctor.......of lurrrrvvve.

They'll be able to see the proof tattooed on my knuckle as it marauds towards their hallowed nought.

[stringvest]

thats not a tattoo, thats a tidemark.

[Chip Butty]

If your name is Joe Swash.

[Champ]

I also hate the guys reference, its just silly really when addressing mixed sexes. Why not say lasses?

 

Its an Americanism anyway so should be nipped in the bud.

 

Rugby players "the guys performed well today". Round ball players "the lads did well today"

And probably a class/accent/social circle thing. I say lad but I never say lass

[Skidfingers McGonical]

"When did you get dem bad boys?" Points at his mates prescription specs

 

 

Die drowning. Lad

That's uber scouse language Stig, your native tongue isn't it?

[Bjornebye]

That's uber scouse language Stig, your native tongue isn't it?

 

You haven't met me. No it isn't. 

 

You fucking waldorf. 

[General Dryness]

That's uber scouse language Stig, your native tongue isn't it?

 

You haven't met me. No it isn't. 

 

You fucking waldorf. 

 

Stig prefers to forget his roots Skids. He's moved on. If his cadre of elite friends in that London knew of his humble beginnings, he would be banished from their light. Forced to consume meths in doorways with other scruffs.

[Trumo]

Pretentious 'artists' and the sort of people who like pretentious 'art' such as a light switch being turned on and off in an empty room. Or this sort of thing, if the numerous quotes are anything to go by:

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-27798250

 

Marina Abramovic: Audience in tears at 'empty space' show

 

Audience members were moved to tears at the opening of Marina Abramovic's new show at London's Serpentine Gallery.

 

The performance artist is spending 512 hours interacting with the public at the show, held in three completely empty rooms.

 

Phones, cameras and even watches are banned, as Abramovic takes people by the hand and encourages them to spend time focusing on the bare white walls.

 

"Take in the silence," she whispered to one. "Just be present."

 

After half-an-hour, the gallery was filled with human statues, manoeuvred into position by the Belgrade-born artist and her team of six "guards", all clad in black.

 

Participants closed their eyes and rocked on their heels, some assumed meditative positions, while others followed Abramovic around, hoping for a personal interaction.

 

"I really wanted to connect with her, so I said a little prayer," said Sophie, a student sculptor from London.

 

"Connecting with her presence was really special. She said, 'stay here as long as you like, take deep breaths, be present'.

"It was perfect, really."

 

Entry to the exhibition, which lasts for 10 weeks, is free but only 160 people can be admitted at a time. Each can stay as long as they wish, with the gallery imposing a "one in - one out" policy.

 

Abramovic herself opened the gallery doors at 10:00 BST - as she will every day - by which point there were already hundreds of acolytes and art lovers queuing in Kensington Gardens.

 

Geraldine, an art lecturer from Kensington, had arrived at 06:30 BST to be amongst the first to see the performance.

 

"It was like being at a very beautiful party where nobody talks," she told the BBC. "It may push me into doing some meditation, which is probably very good for me, so it changed my life in a very positive way."

 

"Just to sit and get lost in one's thoughts, I think it's very relaxing," said Andrew, a psychiatrist visiting the UK from San Francisco.

 

"And certainly some people were crying, too, so perhaps it brings up some thoughts that one pushes down from normal life."

 

The show is titled 512 Hours, after the amount of time Abramovic will spend in the gallery.

 

It is her first performance work since The Artist is Present, at the Museum of Modern Art in New York, where she sat motionless, six days a week, looking directly at whoever sat down in a chair placed opposite her.

 

Both shows lack the startling drama of her earlier performances, including one in which she systematically stabbed her hand with knives.

 

In another, she whipped herself, before cutting a five-point star in her stomach with a razor blade and lying on a cross made of ice.

 

Once, she nearly died after lying in the middle of a burning cross made of petrol-soaked sawdust. On another occasion, she allowed an audience member to hold a loaded gun to her head.

 

Nonetheless, she told the BBC her latest show "really frightens me".

 

"I worry about the British public," she said, adding that the public's cynicism might get in the way of creating "a pure emotional connection".

 

"My only chance with the British public is to be vulnerable," she told Radio 4's Front Row. "The audience is someone who completes the work."

 

Ahead of the show, the 67-year-old was accused of failing to acknowledge other artists who engage in the "art of nothing".

 

Two weeks ago, a group of US art historians curators wrote to the Serpentine, asking it to recognise the influence of Mary Ellen Carroll. a conceptual artist who has been working on a project called "Nothing" since 2006, when she went to Argentina with only her passport.

 

But Abramovic dismissed the accusations, telling the BBC: "There is nothing on the walls of the gallery, no work. But I am working eight hours a day with the energy of the public."

 

During the first hour of the first day of her performance, Abramovic seemed to be playing a giant game of cosmic yogic chess, with the public as her pieces, positioned carefully throughout the gallery.

 

There was something eerie about entering a room full of bodies frozen in space but, once guided into position, most of the visitors reported feeling an overwhelming sense of wellbeing.

 

"I started seeing the sky - the clouds in the sky - in the white of the wall," said Chester, a TV producer who had skipped work to attend the opening.

 

"It was a religious experience. I think you'd have to sum it up as that."

 

Abramovic says the performance will evolve over the course of its 10-week run.

 

"Maybe it's complete silence, maybe we all scream together, maybe we all lie on the floor.

 

"Everything is there, in possibility. We need the public, we need me, and we need chemistry."

 

512 Hours runs at the Serpentine Gallery in London until 25 August.

[Bobby Hundreds]

Absolutely trumo. I can understand art changing especially with the camera being invented so artists having to be more expressive and creative I can even accept some bat shit crazy artwork as long as I can see there's a talent beneath it but all this messy bed bollocks an upside down urinal some shagwit coming up with an idea even a child knows is stupid but giving it some ethereal back story and making out its born of a creative mind, its born of a fucking retard and appreciated by boring ball bags who want to seem like they have god on the line and he digs them , he digs the fuck out of them. We should show them Boris's new installation and water jet propell them into a fucking wall and frame the stain that left behind.

[Paulie Dangerously]

'I'm a conceptual video artist'

[moof]

Art birds are ace. They will let you bum them senseless if you'll show them a bit of the good life.

[Section_31]

It'd be a license to print money modern art if you had the rep and the nous to spin it in the right direction. If I was black I'd be all over that shit, taking my slavery displays into Liverpool schools in predominantly white areas. I'd stick a packet of Uncle Bens rice in the middle of the table with some rusty chains draped around it, then I'd stand there in big Stevie Wonder glasses slowly opening and closing a pair of garden shears while murmering 'the chains, the chains'. Collect my 700 notes then pop into Leaf on Bold Street for a glass of root beer and a lump of ice cream. If the police attested me I'd make beatbox noises while they dragged me away, as I shouted 'civil rights violating motherfuckers.'

[stringvest]

It'd be a license to print money modern art if you had the rep and the nous to spin it in the right direction. If I was black I'd be all over that shit, taking my slavery displays into Liverpool schools in predominantly white areas. I'd stick a packet of Uncle Bens rice in the middle of the table with some rusty chains draped around it, then I'd stand there in big Stevie Wonder glasses slowly opening and closing a pair of garden shears while murmering 'the chains, the chains'. Collect my 700 notes then pop into Leaf on Bold Street for a glass of root beer and a lump of ice cream. If the police attested me I'd make beatbox noises while they dragged me away, as I shouted 'civil rights violating motherfuckers.'

 

I'll have some of that Mark.  I've often thought that a night in the pub with mates could come up with enough bogus ideas to fill a gallery space.  Build them, come up with some photographs of 'early work' and rake the money in.  Then point and laugh at the cunts.  I'm sure that's what Tracy Emin originally planned, before getting seduced by it and trying to peddle the shite she drums up as serious art.  Now she's the worst sort, and come the revolution when I convert Boris's water cannons to flamethrowers, she's the first to get kebabed.  

[General Dryness]

It'd be a license to print money modern art if you had the rep and the nous to spin it in the right direction. If I was black I'd be all over that shit, taking my slavery displays into Liverpool schools in predominantly white areas. I'd stick a packet of Uncle Bens rice in the middle of the table with some rusty chains draped around it, then I'd stand there in big Stevie Wonder glasses slowly opening and closing a pair of garden shears while murmering 'the chains, the chains'. Collect my 700 notes then pop into Leaf on Bold Street for a glass of root beer and a lump of ice cream. If the police attested me I'd make beatbox noises while they dragged me away, as I shouted 'civil rights violating motherfuckers.'

Art. Well its just bollocks isn't it. Not just a cunt identifier, but a sign of how rubbish people are these days. They wouldn't have fallen for this shit a couple of hundred years ago.

 

Secshs post is, however, genius. I would like to buy it for several million pounds.

[Boss]

I posed an idea for an exhibition to the FACT years ago, the premise was to turn the main exhibition room into a maze, the room would be in complete darkness, the maze would get smaller and smaller the further in you got and you had to go in groups, just to see the group think mentality and when people would get frightened and turn back.

 

They told me it was a stupid idea and ended up choosing a moving photograph of a field instead. The Damien Hirst in me died that day, fuck them, they missed out on my genius.

[Trumo]

Just re-reading that article and this quote jumps out:

 

"I started seeing the sky - the clouds in the sky - in the white of the wall," said Chester, a TV producer who had skipped work to attend the opening.

 

 

I think Chester's boss should fire his sorry arse for not only being a pretentious cunt who skipped work, but one who is most probably on some serious hallucinogenic drugs too.

 

I can't remember what advert it is, but it has Gene Hunt calling out some pretentious twats on their pretentious twattery. He's got it spot on.

[TheBitch]

I want some of what Chester is on.

[Bjornebye]

fuck chester

[Jairzinho]

About 10 years ago at a college trip to the Tate a few of us bought some A4 paper in a nearby shop stuck a couple of cigarettes out on it, scuffed it up on some stones on the ground, and blue tacked it to the wall in a fairly quiet area of the gallery. Fucking funny watching people stop and look at it for a few minutes. It was admittedly taken down within about half an hour and we were politely asked to leave.