The world of a woman.

[VladimirIlyich]

I was imagining the response if I'd written it

I thought you had.

[Champ]

I thought you had.

Hahahaha

[Alan Sex]

Mrs Sex always complains that sing inappropriate versions of the kids tv show theme songs.

 

Like

 

It's Harry and his bunch, his bunch of fucking dinosauuuuuurs.

 

Maybe she has a point. She also says I have ruined every Xmas song for her.

 

Cue 5 or six weeks of me singing "walking with my weiner in my hand" and other favourites.

[lifetime fan]

My dads bird has asked him to sell the car they've only just bought because she's 'fed up of always having to park on the flat'.

 

She's refusing to park anywhere on even a slight gradient as 'the car has a button and not and handbrake'.

[Chip Butty]

Another car one.

 

On getting in the car yesterday to take her to work and drop one of the kids of at school, I notice a light on, on the dashboard as we're driving along. So I ask her to look in the manual in the glove compartment to see what it is, 5 minutes of faffing about and she tells me it says that a brake light or fuse has gone, sound. So I tell her, once I drop her off, when she gets out, I'll press the brake and she can point to which one has gone out. Its a plan.

Gets to her place, as she gets out the car I tell her I'm pressing the peddle now, on which she procedes to walk to the front of the car, looks down, tells me all of them are out *puzzled face* shrugs her shoulders and then walks off to work.

 

I let out a sigh and thought of this thread.

[Mustangt125]

haha those last 2 are the best for a while now.  

[PestiRed]

Another car one.

 

On getting in the car yesterday to take her to work and drop one of the kids of at school, I notice a light on, on the dashboard as we're driving along. So I ask her to look in the manual in the glove compartment to see what it is, 5 minutes of faffing about and she tells me it says that a brake light or fuse has gone, sound. So I tell her, once I drop her off, when she gets out, I'll press the brake and she can point to which one has gone out. Its a plan.

Gets to her place, as she gets out the car I tell her I'm pressing the peddle now, on which she procedes to walk to the front of the car, looks down, tells me all of them are out *puzzled face* shrugs her shoulders and then walks off to work.

 

I let out a sigh and thought of this thread.

You asked her to check the lights? Instead of the relatively easy "put your foot on the middle pedal"

 

You kind of asked for that

[Rico1304]

Mrs Sex always complains that sing inappropriate versions of the kids tv show theme songs. LikeIt's Harry and his bunch, his bunch of fucking dinosauuuuuurs. Maybe she has a point. She also says I have ruined every Xmas song for her. Cue 5 or six weeks of me singing "walking with my weiner in my hand" and other favourites.

I got told off for changing the words to Izzys story books. Anyone with young kids will have heard of "It's not my..." Panda, penguin, fairy etc etc. apparently reading the books in the voice of the cleaner in Tom and Jerry and saying "That's not my motherfucking Panda, it's goddam ears are too goddam furry" is bad.

[General Dryness]

I got told off for changing the words to Izzys story books. Anyone with young kids will have heard of "It's not my..." Panda, penguin, fairy etc etc. apparently reading the books in the voice of the cleaner in Tom and Jerry and saying "That's not my motherfucking Panda, it's goddam ears are too goddam furry" is bad.

 

Haha, I got into shit for pointing out the ridiculousness of some of my lads books. A dog driving a fucking car? Why is that Monkey playing a trumpet?

[Saintslfc13]

Haha, I got into shit for pointing out the ridiculousness of some of my lads books. A dog driving a fucking car? Why is that Monkey playing a trumpet?

 

It's clearly a ploy to make beastiality one day perfectly normal...

[Paulie Dangerously]

'I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet, they sent me a...lion. What where they thinking? He mauled my nan so I sent him back'

[chrisbonnie]

You asked her to check the lights? Instead of the relatively easy "put your foot on the middle pedal"

 

You kind of asked for that

 

to be fair, thats a connundrum he could never anticipate

 

birds dont know their left from their right. If he said press the middle one he could have sent her into anaphylactic shock.

 

Either that or she would have beeped the horn. Either or, the break still wouldnt have gotten pressed

[General Dryness]

'I wrote to the zoo to send me a pet, they sent me a...lion. What where they thinking? He mauled my nan so I sent him back'

 

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. The dirty bitch.

[Paulie Dangerously]

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. The dirty bitch.

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. The Tory government didn't care because she was in the north

[General Dryness]

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. The Tory government didn't care because she was in the north

She had a shoe. Unfortunately she fell victim to the insole tax and had to downgrade to an espadrille.

[VladimirIlyich]

Haha, I got into shit for pointing out the ridiculousness of some of my lads books. A dog driving a fucking car? Why is that Monkey playing a trumpet?

Surely not as ridiculous as a woman driving a car?

[stevebaby]

There was an old woman who swallowed a fly. The dirty bitch.

 

There was an old lady who lived in a shoe. The Tory government didn't care because she was in the north

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. She had so many children that her cunt fell off but she was on benefits so it served her right.

[Rushies tash]

Surely not as ridiculous as a woman driving a car?

Ha ha, my six year old was at a kids mini car track the other day. When the time was up, he perfectly reverse parked the electric car he was in back into the bay. The women there just watched with their mouth open.

[Alan Sex]

to be fair, thats a connundrum he could never anticipate

 

birds dont know their left from their right. If he said press the middle one he could have sent her into anaphylactic shock.

 

Either that or she would have beeped the horn. Either or, the break still wouldnt have gotten pressed

If she beeps the horn with her foot while sitting in the driver seat, she's worth holding on to.

[DJLJ]

Dropped the wife off around dawn and while we were driving in she says it is good we aren’t going to the other side of the city, since there is a big fire. I look over and it is the approach lights for the airport...

[lifetime fan]

I know this has been mentioned before but I can't remember by who, maybe Paulie.

 

What is it with women, you're stood up asking them if there's anything they want or need, a drink, food, phone charger, iPad, anything and no.

They're the most contented person in the world.

 

But the very second your arse hits the sofa they've a list a mile long of things they need now and can't wait 5 minutes for you to have a quick breather.

[Fowlers God]

At the U21 sporting even this week and the woman in front of us turned round 20 seconds after KO asking us which ones England where. Nothing totally wrong in that, because she actually didn't know but after she received her response then asked which team the GK in front os played for.

[Paulie Dangerously]

I know this has been mentioned before but I can't remember by who, maybe Paulie.

 

What is it with women, you're stood up asking them if there's anything they want or need, a drink, food, phone charger, iPad, anything and no.

They're the most contented person in the world.

 

But the very second your arse hits the sofa they've a list a mile long of things they need now and can't wait 5 minutes for you to have a quick breather.

Yup twas I. Usually accompanied by 'Before you sit down....'

[Paulie Dangerously]

After being in floods of tears over that bear and hare advert

 

'The only thing that bothers me is the lack of research. At that time of year in the north pole it's dark 24\7 so it wouldn't be that bright'

 

Mind boggles

[A_S]

My wife went to a party at a friend's house in the next town. Initially she was going to drive herself and another girl home ie. not drink. Turns out she did drink anyway, so not only did I have to drive to get them, she then wanted to stay even later but could i take her friend home all the same, but come back yet again later for her. Given I need some driving favours over the next couple of weekends, I agreed to all without complaint. Upon getting in the car much later, the first thing she asks? 'Did you drive normally with Jen in the car?'

 

You're fucking welcome.