Office Christmas parties

[Stu Monty]

You made me laugh - I wish I could choose another path. A path where I controlled an army of robotic tigers that I could unleash on unsuspecting office party girls. Until they died.

 

We all have to have a dream, and that is as noble a dream as I've heard.

 

"Why aren't you coming out?"

 

*Because you're the most boring cunt out of a bunch of very boring cunts who think it's funny to laugh at Paki jokes and think that dumb is cool*

 

"I've got something else on".

[stringvest]

I shall be taking my more illustrious clients to Amaya, the finest and hippest Indian dining room in London, followed by some gentle jigging and mild shenanigans in Apartment 195. Burping may happen.

 

and what a tremendous night it was too. In sharp contrast to this year, I fear.

[Stu Monty]

Wigan?

 

WIGAN?

 

Wigan. What the fuck does Wigan have to offer?

 

 

Serious question.

 

 

Misery.

 

Serious answer.

[RJ Fan club]

Misery.

 

Serious answer.

 

Childhood obesity

Poor education

Street fights

A shit accent

Piss poor retail centre

A long and lingering death

Wigan Pier

[Remmie]

Actually when I wrote this I proceeded to get punched in the face at said party. This years should be fun.

[Section_31]

Just come back from my second one now, had a good laugh, basically just a meal and a few drinks with about ten of us.

 

Had the first one last Friday night with a differant department and that was ace except for the fact that food was involved. I had a few beers and was feeling the vibe, then had a three course meal and felt goosed and sick for most of the rest of the night, had to listen to a 40yo Robbie Williams tribute act too, who in fairness, wasn't bad at all!

[Remmie]

Was that in Bolton?

How did you guess?

[Remmie]

Your love of Bolton has stuck in my mind.

 

In fact I thought of you yesterday, driving through Wigan, when I saw a twat car.

 

It had the driver's nickname written on the back and sides in big joined-up writing, I think it was probably "Douchie". (I passed him on the right hand side). It had a St George flag ping-pong ball on the aerial. It had stupid other things on it.

 

And a Bolton Wanderers *C scarf in the back window.

 

I thought about the type of twat "Douchie" was. Mrs RR told me to calm down.

 

This was before I saw the M19 LOL car.

 

Yesterday could have been a great day for rocket launchers.

You know you need to start worrying when you think of other forumites in your everyday life (I've been there too)

[RoboRiise]

Will you be going this year?

 

Not many people I know are going to mine the sad bastards

 

Free feed, drink and shenanigans, why not?

 

If any of those were on offer at mine, I'd be there.

 

However, it's actually £5 a ticket which includes one drink and band-e-fucking-oke. Fuck that shit.

[Thants]

I'm going to one on Thursday with two unfit women. Thats my Christmas. Ho fucking ho. Much like RJ we have to pay for ours and the one that we've arranged doesnt have anyone I hate going. It'll be over after a bottle of wine.

[Anubis]

Be grateful you've got one. Our firm hasn't organised anything.

[Duff Man]

Ours is at Pizza Hut. Classy

[Guest TK-421]

Well it was ok once the alcopops kicked and I'm home safe.

[Redder Lurtz]

For fuck sake. We're having our Christmas party in London as that's where my employer is based, which will be ok. Or so I thought, until we just received instructions that everyone must wear a christmas fucking jumper for the night. If we don't have one we've been instructed to order one through the company. What the fucking fuck. Fuck off. Fucking fucks.

[Guest davelfc]

For fuck sake. We're having our Christmas party in London as that's where my employer is based, which will be ok. Or so I thought, until we just received instructions that everyone must wear a christmas fucking jumper for the night. If we don't have one we've been instructed to order one through the company. What the fucking fuck. Fuck off. Fucking fucks.

 

Which lesbian arranged that? You can hardly perv at knockers when women are wearing jumpers FFS.

 

Wear the xmas jumper as pants, just a little sewing or some safety pins needed as you don't want your junk popping out of the neck hole.

[brucespanner]

I've organised ours, am I fuck sitting around watching a load of middle-aged, power hungry and insecure women joust for position at the finger buffet, fuck that!

 

Fancy pants meal and a pre agreed arrangement with the cool types and fit women that at a certain point we all make our excuses and get the fuck out of Dodge and on to a club for debauchery and whatnot, before the histrionics start with the aforementioned, dead in my eyes, cunts.

 

Grandmother Spanner didn't raise no dickhead.

[Redder Lurtz]

Fuck it, I'm off to Bruce's.

[Johnny Cougar]

I fancy going to Spanners Xmas do aswell.

[Stu Monty]

Forced fun.

 

As bad as, if not worse than, genocide.

[Jairzinho]

Another for Bruce's do.

[Harry Squatter]

Enforced joviality is shite

[Harry Squatter]

We aren't having one this year as the lad who organised the last 3 has left and no one could be arsed organising one in his absence. Last years was crap, paid 40 quid for a shite buffet and a few beers. Billed as a private function room but basically was a seating area of the revolution reserved until 11 pm. Was home at 12 after fighting 2 Scallies at the taxi rank outside the Adelphi who pushed past me and my mate to get into our taxi. Had to lie that I slipped over on the ice whilst pissed on the way home when I turned up on Monday with a bit of a shiner.

 

Used to really enjoy works Christmas parties but the majority of my mates have left or moved to different departments, the quality of women has deteriorated also and I've been skint the last few years. Any night out I'm having this year will just be with my mates.

[dickie mint]

For fuck sake. We're having our Christmas party in London as that's where my employer is based, which will be ok. Or so I thought, until we just received instructions that everyone must wear a christmas fucking jumper for the night. If we don't have one we've been instructed to order one through the company. What the fucking fuck. Fuck off. Fucking fucks.

 

 

 

You will look a bigger cunt than you usually are,merry Xmas.

[Stu Monty]

Virtual golf, decent lads, a few beers and probably a wander towards the Northern Quarter as the night goes on. Lovely.

 

Numbers are growing though, this concerns me. Ziggy calculates there's now a 21% chance of me telling someone they are a knobhead.

[Harry Squatter]

Never ever take on the task of organising one, I did a few years ago and trying to please 14 people was an impossible task. Got 7 menus from various places yet no one could agree on where to go, every menu or place I suggested was shite, too expensive, not enough variety, poncey, a dump, too far away etc. After 2 weeks of bitching and moaning and all other places being booked up we decided to go the Algarve Portuguese restaurant on Stanley Street which in my opinion served nice food and had cheap beer. All the cunts had a face on and were happy to blame me for the quality of the decor and service, not to mention the food.

 

I swigged a load of Super Bock and went to a few pubs before disappearing. Had a go at a few of them who were still whining on the Monday. Told them to book it themselves next year as I was fed up on mingebags, dithered and moaning twats.