little things that annoy the shit out of you

[dockers_strike]

58 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

We live in a small close of 10 houses.

There's some people who live opposite but 3 doors down who thought it would be a good idea to plant a conifer right next to the lamp post which is on the edge of their front garden.

 

No problem with that you'd think until a few years later when the conifer has grown slightly taller than the lamp post.

Then, every time there was wind or a breeze, the top of the conifer would away in front of the lamp post so you got light on, light off, light on, light off and it would carry on flashing all night, every night.

 

Trying to get to sleep at night was a fucking nightmare with this thing, it was like a ship at sea sending messages by using its lantern (whatever you call it) saying "I'M GONNA KEEP YOU AWAKE ALL FUCKING NIGHT YOU CUNT".

Drove me fucking mad.

 

Eventually, it grew taller than the lamp post so then it wasn't too bad until somebody complained that there was no light in the close so they had to cut it down.

Problem solved you'd think.

 

No.

 

He then decided to fit a light next to his front door which is infra red.

Why exactly, I haven't got a clue seeing as the lamp post is 12 fucking feet from it. 

 

This lamp is overly bright and with it having a pir, it switches on when someone walks down his path.

But it's not just then.

 

If anybody who doesn't live on their side of the close opens their front door or window, it switches on.

Bear in mind I live opposite but 3 doors down, I closed my bathroom window last night and the fucking thing switched on.

 

People have plants and bushes in their gardens and it's that sensitive, you've guessed it, when there's a breeze, they kick the fucking thing off as well so now that's keeping me awake at night.

 

Pain in the arse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We're similar, 8 houses in the cul de sac. Shouldn't laugh but we have someone at the back like that! The cunt doesnt know how to adjust the sensitivity of the detector or length of time the light is on. I keep saying Im going to go round and ask if they can adjust it but the old girl says no, you're fucking not!

 

They have a dog that has the run of the garden and conservatory which is always left open.

 

The light now comes on about 5pm now when the dog activates it and it stays on for 30 minutes. Then the dog walks past it again and it comes back on. Again. For 30 minutes.

 

Back of ours is virtually floodlight from dusk and we have to draw the blinds else the inside of the house is lite by an erie glow. We dont go to bed until gone 1 in the morning and the fucking thing is still on!

[Harry's Lad]

47 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Old lady (Vera) two doors up from us looks after her poorly husband. He is immobile and has carers pop in  4/5 times a day. She's always at her door saying Hi really loud because she's partially deaf. She shouts at you but loves a talk if she sees you etc. She knocked our door about teatime last night because she heard me and my missus were a bit poorly asking if we needed anything from the shops. She's about 86. 

Salt of the earth type, a dying breed unfortunately.

Bless her.

[Rico1304]

13 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

We're similar, 8 houses in the cul de sac. Shouldn't laugh but we have someone at the back like that! The cunt doesnt know how to adjust the sensitivity of the detector or length of time the light is on. I keep saying Im going to go round and ask if they can adjust it but the old girl says no, you're fucking not!

 

They have a dog that has the run of the garden and conservatory which is always left open.

 

The light now comes on about 5pm now when the dog activates it and it stays on for 30 minutes. Then the dog walks past it again and it comes back on. Again. For 30 minutes.

 

Back of ours is virtually floodlight from dusk and we have to draw the blinds else the inside of the house is lite by an erie glow. We dont go to bed until gone 1 in the morning and the fucking thing is still on!

Adjust it whilst they are at work. 

[Bjornebye]

30 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

Nah, she's just batty, mate. The loons with the tree are constant arseholes.

 

I put some white posts on the edge of my garden because I was getting fucked off with people reversing over the edge of it. Next morning, I noticed one had been flattened. I re fitted it and thought no more.

 

Couple of nights later, the 19 year old girl from the house in question is trying to reverse off her drive and she's headed for the same fucking post again. So I nip out and politely suggest she needs a lot of right hand down else she's going to flatten the post.

 

I get a load of 'fuck off! I cant see it! It's got no light on it!' blah, blah, fucking blah. I said Im going nowhere and you're not flattening the post, right hand down but she's still giving it dog's abuse.

 

We have a kind of mexican stand off with her saying she isnt moving until I fuck off. I say good, you wont knock down the post them, Ive all night. This goes on for about 20 minutes until she phones her brother who gets in the car and reverses it out.

 

As she drives off she shouts 'you can fucking go inside now!' I shout back drive safely, dont forget to use your mirrors! Fucking cheeky mare.

Pics or GTFO

23 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Selfish cunt. You’re no better either.

Hahahaha out of rep 

11 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

Salt of the earth type, a dying breed unfortunately.

Bless her.

Yes mate she's superb. 

[Harry's Lad]

10 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

Adjust it whilst they are at work. 

With a hammer.

[Harry's Lad]

47 minutes ago, dockers_strike said:

Nah, she's just batty, mate. The loons with the tree are constant arseholes.

 

I put some white posts on the edge of my garden because I was getting fucked off with people reversing over the edge of it. Next morning, I noticed one had been flattened. I re fitted it and thought no more.

 

Couple of nights later, the 19 year old girl from the house in question is trying to reverse off her drive and she's headed for the same fucking post again. So I nip out and politely suggest she needs a lot of right hand down else she's going to flatten the post.

 

I get a load of 'fuck off! I cant see it! It's got no light on it!' blah, blah, fucking blah. I said Im going nowhere and you're not flattening the post, right hand down but she's still giving it dog's abuse.

 

We have a kind of mexican stand off with her saying she isnt moving until I fuck off. I say good, you wont knock down the post them, Ive all night. This goes on for about 20 minutes until she phones her brother who gets in the car and reverses it out.

 

As she drives off she shouts 'you can fucking go inside now!' I shout back drive safely, dont forget to use your mirrors! Fucking cheeky mare.

The neighbours I'm on about don't bother anybody to be fair, in fact, they're really nice people, just oblivious I think.

The ones next door to them, more or less directly opposite are the ones I can't stand and the ones 3 doors from them.

Everybody else is sound.

 

[Rico1304]

16 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

With a hammer.

I typed that then deleted it! 

[Harry's Lad]

Just now, Rico1304 said:

I typed that then deleted it! 

I've been tempted many times, believe me!

[Evelyn Tentions]

3 hours ago, dockers_strike said:

Nah, she's just batty, mate. The loons with the tree are constant arseholes.

 

I put some white posts on the edge of my garden because I was getting fucked off with people reversing over the edge of it. Next morning, I noticed one had been flattened. I re fitted it and thought no more.

 

Couple of nights later, the 19 year old girl from the house in question is trying to reverse off her drive and she's headed for the same fucking post again. So I nip out and politely suggest she needs a lot of right hand down else she's going to flatten the post.

 

I get a load of 'fuck off! I cant see it! It's got no light on it!' blah, blah, fucking blah. I said Im going nowhere and you're not flattening the post, right hand down but she's still giving it dog's abuse.

 

We have a kind of mexican stand off with her saying she isnt moving until I fuck off. I say good, you wont knock down the post them, Ive all night. This goes on for about 20 minutes until she phones her brother who gets in the car and reverses it out.

 

As she drives off she shouts 'you can fucking go inside now!' I shout back drive safely, dont forget to use your mirrors! Fucking cheeky mare.

Next time, replace the post with a metal pole or concrete fence post

[sir roger]

or a gun turret ?

[Harry's Lad]

42 minutes ago, sir roger said:

or a gun turret ?

Or fit a security light with a pir so she can see where it is and burn her fucking retinas out when she looks.

Sorted.

 

[Bjornebye]

Or a TMD-44 Land-Mine. Of-course she wouldn't have any idea it was there until she reverses over it but I think we're beyond all that now. 

[Harry's Lad]

6 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Or a TMD-44 Land-Mine. Of-course she wouldn't have any idea it was there until she reverses over it but I think we're beyond all that now. 

Don't you think that's just a tad over the top?

[Bjornebye]

2 minutes ago, Harry's Lad said:

Don't you think that's just a tad over the top?

I don’t think he should take any chances 

[The Golden Eel]

My neighbour wouldn't even look in my direction if I'm about a metre away, no hello, no small talk, nothing, like ever. The only time I've ever heard anything resembling a sentence from him was when my kitten (before he started going out properly, ie very young) was arsing about in his garden and he must've seen him and noticed I was calling the kitten's name and he handed him over the fence to me and goes "he's just chasing flies". 

 

He seems to have one facial expression. I don't even know his name and I've lived beside him for nearly five years. 

 

He would take a parcel from Amazon or whatever if I wasn't in though. The most I get when I call to get it is he hands it to me and says "OK".

 

It's all grand with me as he gives me no trouble whatsoever. Good old, errr, whatever his name is... 

[dockers_strike]

3 hours ago, Evelyn Tentions said:

Next time, replace the post with a metal pole or concrete fence post

It's the design of the cul de sac and ground wrok mate. You cant get anything in deeper than about 12 inches(!) due to telephone trunking and drains etc. Dont know who designed the layout but they must have given it to their 8 year old to stop them getting bored on a wet Wednesday afternoon!

[sir roger]

59 minutes ago, The Golden Eel said:

My neighbour wouldn't even look in my direction if I'm about a metre away, no hello, no small talk, nothing, like ever. The only time I've ever heard anything resembling a sentence from him was when my kitten (before he started going out properly, ie very young) was arsing about in his garden and he must've seen him and noticed I was calling the kitten's name and he handed him over the fence to me and goes "he's just chasing flies". 

 

He seems to have one facial expression. I don't even know his name and I've lived beside him for nearly five years. 

 

He would take a parcel from Amazon or whatever if I wasn't in though. The most I get when I call to get it is he hands it to me and says "OK".

 

It's all grand with me as he gives me no trouble whatsoever. Good old, errr, whatever his name is... 

Sounds like a perfect neighbour to me.

[Remmie]

My neighbour is the perfect neighbour, she does online shopping for us, babysits our kids for £4 an hour, gives us birthday and anniversary presents, gets on especially well with my Mrs, has given us a strimmer and lent us her lawn mower and 100 little other favours. 

[VladimirIlyich]

11 hours ago, The Golden Eel said:

My neighbour wouldn't even look in my direction if I'm about a metre away, no hello, no small talk, nothing, like ever. The only time I've ever heard anything resembling a sentence from him was when my kitten (before he started going out properly, ie very young) was arsing about in his garden and he must've seen him and noticed I was calling the kitten's name and he handed him over the fence to me and goes "he's just chasing flies". 

 

He seems to have one facial expression. I don't even know his name and I've lived beside him for nearly five years. 

 

He would take a parcel from Amazon or whatever if I wasn't in though. The most I get when I call to get it is he hands it to me and says "OK".

 

It's all grand with me as he gives me no trouble whatsoever. Good old, errr, whatever his name is... 

This is how Ted Bundy began.

[Elite]

5 hours ago, Remmie said:

My neighbour is the perfect neighbour, she does online shopping for us, babysits our kids for £4 an hour, gives us birthday and anniversary presents, gets on especially well with my Mrs, has given us a strimmer and lent us her lawn mower and 100 little other favours. 

I'm sensing a Homer/Ned Flanders vibe here.

[Bjornebye]

7 hours ago, Remmie said:

My neighbour is the perfect neighbour, she does online shopping for us, babysits our kids for £4 an hour, gives us birthday and anniversary presents, gets on especially well with my Mrs, has given us a strimmer and lent us her lawn mower and 100 little other favours. 

Have you? 

[Remmie]

22 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Have you? 

I have not. Unfortunately, my life is not remotely as dramatic and interesting as a certain Facebook friend. 

[YorkshireRed]

I have the greatest neighbour in the history of neighbours. Basically it’s owned by a rich woman, about my age, who’s married to a much older guy. Their real home is some massive affair a few miles away. She uses next door as a ‘party house’ as he’s not bothered about that sort of stuff any more but let’s her have her freedom. It’s only used occasionally so most of the time it’s empty. If I time my return from Saturday afternoon/evening drinking correctly she invites me over. Last time there were hot lesbians, shit loads of cocaine on a tray and nice snacks. There was also a magician but he was shit. The only problem is my wife gets really pissed off if she finds out I went over there, no idea why. It would be better if the house was a few doors down, rather than right next door. 

[The Golden Eel]

13 hours ago, sir roger said:

Sounds like a perfect neighbour to me.

Absolutely, I'm not complaining. I do think a quick hello would be less awkward than completely ignoring one another but whatever.

2 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

This is how Ted Bundy began.

I think he'd already be Ted Bundy by now, he's in his 50s. I actually think he's a pretty normal guy. Job, couple of kids, etc. 

[Bjornebye]

10 minutes ago, YorkshireRed said:

I have the greatest neighbour in the history of neighbours. Basically it’s owned by a rich woman, about my age, who’s married to a much older guy. Their real home is some massive affair a few miles away. She uses next door as a ‘party house’ as he’s not bothered about that sort of stuff any more but let’s her have her freedom. It’s only used occasionally so most of the time it’s empty. If I time my return from Saturday afternoon/evening drinking correctly she invites me over. Last time there were hot lesbians, shit loads of cocaine on a tray and nice snacks. There was also a magician but he was shit. The only problem is my wife gets really pissed off if she finds out I went over there, no idea why. It would be better if the house was a few doors down, rather than right next door. 

What’s that? You’re inviting a load of us up? Cool mate I’m in 

7 minutes ago, The Golden Eel said:

 I actually think he's a pretty normal guy. Job, couple of kids, etc. 

Basically enough evidence to send him down for a long time