Serious things you shouldn't laugh at

[Kevin D]

Trump is the walking embodiment of this thread.

 

I still laugh at the time he accused Senator Cruz's father of being involved in the Kennedy assassination.

[Section_31]

Was on a course once with a woman who worked for a domestic violence charity who told me she'd spent the day at a home for battered men. Thought that was fucking hilarious and ripe for a sitcom. If ever someone needed a copy of Die Hard it's that place. 

[Mook]

Was on a course once with a woman who worked for a domestic violence charity who told me she'd spent the day at a home for battered men. Thought that was fucking hilarious and ripe for a sitcom. If ever someone needed a copy of Die Hard it's that place. 

 

I know a bloke who works for a charity who look after male victims of domestic abuse & I spent a good couple of hours discussing it with him in the pub one day, some of the stories were brutal, there was one guy who had been in the SAS but was now suicidal as he'd been the victim of mental & physical abuse at the hands of his wife for years.

 

I find it very difficult to get my head around to be honest.

[Section_31]

I know a bloke who works for a charity who look after male victims of domestic abuse & I spent a good couple of hours discussing it with him in the pub one day, some of the stories were brutal, there was one guy who had been in the SAS but was now suicidal as he'd been the victim of mental & physical abuse at the hands of his wife for years.

 

I find it very difficult to get my head around to be honest.

 

I suppose the mental abuse one I can understand, there's all sorts of abuse I suppose, but the idea of being physically afraid of a woman to the point where you have to go into hiding genuinely astounds me, who are these women? Some form of Olympic Russian Pat Butcher experiment? 

 

If a woman ever started on me I'd distract her with talk of shoes and then throw a daddy long legs at her. 

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

I've been hit by a couple of exs now and then this one random slag on a night out who I wasn't even talking to, shortly after I broke up with one of said exs. I lost the rag and said "I'm sick of women hitting me thinking I'll not hit them back. You hit me again and I'll break your fucking nose" and by some strange coincidence, she decided to pack in the hard woman act.

 

I don't think I would have mind you, but I was fucking pissed off. Still am when I think of it. Slag.

[magicrat]

Am I just a bad person, or...

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-39035720

 

Former Partridge Family singer and actor David Cassidy has said he is suffering from dementia.

 

The 66-year-old star, a teen idol in the 1970s with hits like How Can I Be Sure?, has told People magazine that he will stop touring as a musician to focus on his health.

 

 

He has had the good fortune to be able to forget his music,

[Harry Squatter]

I've been hit by a couple of exs now and then this one random slag on a night out who I wasn't even talking to, shortly after I broke up with one of said exs. I lost the rag and said "I'm sick of women hitting me thinking I'll not hit them back. You hit me again and I'll break your fucking nose" and by some strange coincidence, she decided to pack in the hard woman act.

 

I don't think I would have mind you, but I was fucking pissed off. Still am when I think of it. Slag.

Some crank I worked with decided to start punching me on a night out after working with her for 5 weeks. We both started work on the same day and she even tried fixing me up with her sister. She seemed completely normal in work, a good laugh and dead mellow.

 

She took exception to a joke when she was ringing her husband with no answer and I said he's probably glad of the peace. Just decided to launch into me and then started screaming when I got her in an arm lock.

 

Walked off in front of a load of people from work and went elsewhere. Monday morning she just came in and said hello as if nothing happened. When I told her to fuck off and never come near me again she ran off crying and then came back saying I was a bully and that we can't work together anymore. She even said that she'd told her Dad about me on the phone and texted her sister telling her to delete my number.

 

For years she made out it was me with the problem then randomly came up to me about 8 years after it happened saying she was sorry for what she did. I still told her I wasn't interested in anything she said.

 

My mate told me a few years back that she had also punched him in the face in the Rubber Soul when she was flirting with him and he called her bluff. Total crank with a worryingly violent temper that goes off once she's had a drink.

[lifetime fan]

My Nan has had to be put in a home because she was no longer safe at home due to her dementia.

 

Due to her dementia she can’t remember where she’s left anything and is constantly accusing people of stealing things.

 

One of her favourites is accusing my cousins of stealing her dog and not letting her have Jago back...Jago died 12 years ago!

 

Because she thinks people are stealing from her she then started to hide stuff in really daft places, of course she could never find anything then and was accusing people of stealing her stuff even more.

 

To try and help my Dad bought her a small safe she could put stuff in so no one would be able to steal from her.

 

We visit her this morning and she’s kicking off big time the nursing staff have stolen her loo roll and hairbrush.

 

The following conversation then takes place;

 

Dad: Why didn’t you put them in your safe?

Nan: I can’t get in it.

Dad: What you mean?

Nan: I can’t get the key.

Dad: Why not?

Nan: It’s in the safe.

Dad: How did you lock the safe if the key is in there?

Nan: For God’s sake Mike, I’m not stupid! I locked the safe first and then put the key in there.

 

 

It’s horrendous to see her like this but we were both pissing ourselves laughing.

[Total Longo]

I once witnessed someone pushing someone in a wheelchair across Dale Street in peak hour traffic. they where practically sprinting at full pelt to avoid being ran over by a bus, when they reached the other side ther person pushing forgot to tilt the chair to get the front wheels over the kerb. The results where spectacular...wheelchair person sprawled all over the pavement....

 

This could have actually been me pushing my now deceased ex-colleague across the road, i used to work in India Buildings and had to take the lad to the Midland cashpoint at the bottom of Dale Street. It was a Xmas party so were were smashed and i decided to start running across the road, but as he hit the kerb and flew out the chair i was crying laughing. To be fair so was he. 

 

I'm pretty certain i did it on purpose. Good times.  

[Total Longo]

John's Not Mad.

 

 

"BORDER!!! ....between England and Ireland"

[manwiththestick]

Was out at the weekend with my kids. Weather was crap, lots of slushy hail falling. Was walking out of a shop at the same time as a woman who was accompying another woman who had Downs syndrome. Woman says to the other to hold her hand as it could be slippy under foot then proceeds to slip herself and pulling down the other girl.

 

Both my boys burst out laughing (my youngest shouted YouTube for some reason) I went over to assist and they were both fine but had to have a chat to the kids about laughing inappropriately. For shame.

[Captain Turdseye]

When we were kids, 13ish, we used to smoke a bit of weed. One day, we were getting stoned and playing f******l at a park when we heard a loud bang like a bomb going off. Seconds later, a younger lad came running around the corner and he was gold all over and smoke was coming off him. He dropped to the floor and started rolling around shouting "I'm burning! I'm burning!" Now I feel guilty about this, but thanks to the cannabis I'd smoked, I thought it was fucking hilarious and I ended up on the floor myself because I was laughing so much. Luckily one of my mates wasn't so amused and ran over, picked the kid up and walked him to his house around the corner.

 

It turned out that he'd set a fire and threw a tyre on it. The tyre exploded, sending burning rubber flying all over him. The lad was in hospital for a week and apparently has to wear factor 50 sun cream for the rest of his life. I know I'm a cunt but just remembering it while typing this has made me have a little chuckle to myself.

[General Dryness]

Fucking hell, gold tyres? How wealthy was your town?

[Captain Turdseye]

Fucking hell, gold tyres? How wealthy was your town?

They’re the words of a man that’s clearly never witnessed a child burning alive.

 

Sick cunt.

[magicrat]

 

When we were kids, 13ish, we used to smoke a bit of weed. One day, we were getting stoned and playing f******l at a park when we heard a loud bang like a bomb going off. Seconds later, a younger lad came running around the corner and he was gold all over and smoke was coming off him. He dropped to the floor and started rolling around shouting "I'm burning! I'm burning!" Now I feel guilty about this, but thanks to the cannabis I'd smoked, I thought it was fucking hilarious and I ended up on the floor myself because I was laughing so much. Luckily one of my mates wasn't so amused and ran over, picked the kid up and walked him to his house around the corner.

 

It turned out that he'd set a fire and threw a tyre on it. The tyre exploded, sending burning rubber flying all over him. The lad was in hospital for a week and apparently has to wear factor 50 sun cream for the rest of his life. I know I'm a cunt but just remembering it while typing this has made me have a little chuckle to myself.

 

 

He should tread more carefully form now on

[manwiththestick]

Yeh, I bet that wasn't a Goodyear for the kid.

[magicrat]

Yeh, I bet that wasn't a Goodyear for the kid.

 

Satyre ?

[El Rojo]

Something about a Continental breakfast.

 

 

Sorry, it’s all I’ve got.

[magicrat]

Something about a Continental breakfast.

 

 

Sorry, it’s all I’ve got.

 

Miserable effort. Need to get back on track mate 

[General Dryness]

They’re the words of a man that’s clearly never witnessed a child burning alive.

 

Sick cunt.

If they turn gold I'll be doing it more often.

[Furmedge]

Miserable effort. Need to get back on track mate 

 

These type of jokes are becoming tyre-some.

[Section_31]

Frank Gardner on Twitter moaning that Heathrow have lost his wheelchair.

[SlugTrail]

Comic relief, only problem is I'm not laughing at the sketches.

 

I know I'm a cunt but I can't help it.

[VladimirIlyich]

Frank Gardner on Twitter moaning that Heathrow have lost his wheelchair.

Who is Frank Gardner?

[Section_31]

Frank Gardner on Twitter moaning that Heathrow have lost his wheelchair.

The BBC's Frank Gardner has spoken about being left "stuck on an empty plane" at Heathrow Airport, for a second time in six months.