The world of a woman.

[pauliescouse]

We had a new project manager start lately. Overly forced laughter, writing comments with hashtags on company communication tools like Slack. So the normal shake head, book late meetings and please die PM, behaviour.

 

But the best part is she has used her Tinder profile pic as her official company profile picture. 

 

One of the other devs got onto it and we've been pissing ourselves for the best part of two months. And she looks nothing like the picture, maybe 10 years ago with someone else's head.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

And she looks nothing like the picture, maybe 10 years ago with someone else's head.

Hahaha

[Curly]

One of the other devs got onto it and we've been pissing ourselves for the best part of two months.

[Harry Squatter]

There was heavy snowfall last week and my sons school closed. I had to take the day off so my wife could drive my daughter to school and then she had a hospital appointment later on.

 

Checked the school's facebook page and they informed us at 7.30am that it was shut. The people most moaning about it were the full time mummy brigade horrified that they had to spend a day with their kids. The women who do work and had to take a day off just got on with it but these lazy fucks never shit up about it.

[Lee909]

Suppose the best place for this

 

Was looking for a pair of scales.

They picture shows everything in kg so i was checking they'd do pounds aswell.

Looked in the wuestion amd answers bit on the argos page

 

 

Maryalice

How do I get the battery case off. The screw is far too small for my screwdrivers

 

 

Hi Maryalice, 

 

I am sorry your screwdrivers does not fit the screw. You will require a smaller screwdriver that will fit. 

 

I hope this helps 

 

Thanks for using Argos Q & A

 

MaryAlice

This does not help, I did get some smaller screwdrivers, but none of them work. Please specify the exact size needed.

[Harry Squatter]

It was fucking freezing in my house the other week when the weather was awful. We had our windows done last October by a firm that was recommended to me by a mate.

 

My Mrs started whingeing saying we had been had off by this company because the place was freezing and she could hear everyone in the road at night.

 

So she tells me to get onto the "shite" company that I chose and tell them to get out and sort out why the windows haven't been fitted properly. Had a look at them and she's had them all on half lock. They are closed over so no one else can get into them from the outside but are not fully locked tight. This explains why it has been cold and why we can still hear everything in the street.

 

I would have looked a bit of a tit if I'd rung up kicking off and the guy had come out just to close them over properly. Of course this is somehow my fault for not noticing earlier.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Took ToddleD to the shops to get LadyD some flowers for mothers day.  LadyD absolutely insisted that I let ToddleD pick the flowers.  She is under the impression that my general tightness extends to flowers, however seeing the joy they bring LadyD I absolutely do not mind dropping a score on a nice bunch.  She was also seemingly under the impression that ToddleD would go for the largest bunch she could get her hands on.

 

Imagine my surprise* when her face was tripping her after ToddleD selected a modest £4 bunch of flowers with a plastic bee in it and would not be swayed to the more expensive ones! 

 

 

 

*not at all 

[Mook]

We get a fruit basket delivered to our office every week, this week the oranges are shite & the bananas are tiny.

 

My boss has said about seven times this morning, "Have they had a rebate on the fruit?"

 

Why would you just start using the word 'rebate' if you had absolutely no idea what it means?

[General Dryness]

We get a fruit basket delivered to our office every week, this week the oranges are shite & the bananas are tiny.

 

My boss has said about seven times this morning, "Have they had a rebate on the fruit?"

 

Why would you just start using the word 'rebate' if you had absolutely no idea what it means?

Tell her you want to rebate over her tits.

[stringvest]

This thread is very hard to rebate to

[Trumo]

Rebate, rebate, and a lay!

[Mook]

My boss just now, she was asking me how long it takes to order some data up for one of our clients, "Will 24hrs cover it?"

 

Me, "Yes, I usually tell them 'same day'."

 

Her, "I don't want to cut off my nose to spite myself, if you know what I mean."

 

*silence

[Pureblood]

My boss just now, she was asking me how long it takes to order some data up for one of our clients, "Will 24hrs cover it?"

 

Me, "Yes, I usually tell them 'same day'."

 

Her, "I don't want to cut of my nose to spite myself, if you know what I mean."

 

*silence

 

 

I think you're a bit harsh on her, mook.  She's won me over.  And I bet she can spell "off".

[Tj hooker]

Was behind a woman in Sainsbury's petrol station by Alder Hey on Saturday she was telling the cashier that this was the 1st time in 38 years that she had put petrol in the car, her excuse she gets really nervous filling the car up dear God

[Alan Sex]

Should have just told her that filling the car is like making love to a beautiful woman.

 

You stick the nozzle in the hole, give it a good pumping, and when it’s full of fluid you tell her to hit the road.

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

Woman I work with is on maternity leave but in this week helping out due to year end. She's been driving for 2 years but took a route twice as long to get here to avoid going on the motorway.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

Suppose the best place for this

 

Was looking for a pair of scales.

They picture shows everything in kg so i was checking they'd do pounds aswell.

Looked in the wuestion amd answers bit on the argos page

 

 

Maryalice

How do I get the battery case off. The screw is far too small for my screwdrivers

 

 

Hi Maryalice,

 

I am sorry your screwdrivers does not fit the screw. You will require a smaller screwdriver that will fit.

 

I hope this helps

 

Thanks for using Argos Q & A

 

MaryAlice

This does not help, I did get some smaller screwdrivers, but none of them work. Please specify the exact size needed.

Fucking hell.

[Mook]

My boss just referred to the 'United Kingdom' as 'United biscuits' on the phone to a client.

 

She caught me giggling as well I think.

[General Dryness]

My boss just referred to the 'United Kingdom' as 'United biscuits' on the phone to a client.

 

She caught me giggling as well I think.

If I'm ever in Edinburgh, I'm taking you both out for lunch then back to my hotel room for a threesome.

 

No gay stuff, mind. Just an old fashioned spitroast.

[Harry Squatter]

Went out last night with my Mrs, her mate and her husband. We were in Wetherspoons and my Mrs mate sees two people off that show called Gogglebox. My Mrs mate is proper starstruck by two people off a show which is just watching people watching telly.

 

She gets her photo taken with them and is about to post it on Facebook but remembers that she phoned in sick yesterday so will get shit off her boss and colleagues if she does.

 

She just text my Mrs today saying she had gone into work today wearing the same clothes from last night so she can post the picture on Facebook and everyone will be fooled into thinking it happened tonight rather than last night when she was supposed to be ill in bed.

[RedKnight]

I like her thinking. That's almost a Costanza level of deceit.

[Chip Butty]

What the bloody hell is this infatuation with the 'I-phone in arse pocket' look. Fat, thin, stunner, moose, they're all at it and they all look twats.

 

 

Just put the fucker in your handbag thing or in your kaftan gillette, ye fuckin addled piss flapped cunts.

[Trumo]

What the bloody hell is this infatuation with the 'I-phone in arse pocket' look. Fat, thin, stunner, moose, they're all at it and they all look twats.

 

 

Just put the fucker in your handbag thing or in your kaftan gillette, ye fuckin addled piss flapped cunts.

 

Shirley you can't be Siri-arse?

[Harry Squatter]

Women in general can't put their phones down for 2 minutes but if they catch you on yours for more than 2 minutes they moan that you are always on it.

[niallers]

Women in general can't put their phones down for 2 minutes but if they catch you on yours for more than 2 minutes they moan that you are always on it.

This this and this! My Mrs has her phone literally glued to her hand! I'm on mine loads too but she's never on hers if it comes to it and I'm having several affairs when I'm on mine. Snakes with tits is all they are