The world of a woman.

[lifetime fan]

Some editing allows me to do this

 

 

I have cropped the name for obvious reasons

 

 

Got to spread sorry mate.

[General Dryness]

she just woke me up, fucking woke me up.

 

then, i came on here while she went to get a shower and was reading the hayden patinnere thread, and she walks in and says right go the cafe over the road, i want sausage in either a roll or toast. not bread ok? sorry babe aha? ok listen, stop reading your tlw , right (repeats order) so i throw in the 'do you not want it on a barm' comment and start chuckling to myself. so she cupcakes me and fucks off into the shower.

 

class. right. there.

 

oh, im told i need to be gone by the time she gets out the shower. in a bit lads

 

Is that "cupcakes" as in farted in her cupped hand and held it in front of your face? Ladette culture has gone too far this time. Too far.

[Redder Lurtz]

Fucking hell they've started early this week.

 

Miss "Oh my god that's amaaaaazing" booked a half hour meeting with me on Wednesday through outlook. She's obviously not checked my outlook diary as I'm out of the office all day,

 

Me - "Sorry I'm out all day Weds"

Her - "Well when are you free then?"

Me - "Anytime my diary says I'm free!"

 

Her - (shouts across the office) "Oh my god you're such a nob. I can't see your diary"

Me - Well that hardly makes me a nob does it?

 

Walked over to her desk, she's got my outlook diary open. Fucking bimbo.

[Champ]

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Enjoy, proper kind me.

 

Thanks. Done. Rep in arrears once I see how it works

[ph245]

After watching the Game Of Thrones episode that had a rather shocking ending (won't reveal more) I said "That was quite a shock, wasn't it?"... to which she replied .... "why... where they important then ...?"

 

FFS.... she's been watching this with me from the start & has seen every episode.

[Pidge]

She's probably wondering when Sharpe's going to turn up next...

[RJ Fan club]

She's probably wondering when Sharpe's going to turn up next...

 

Probably around the same time Rambo turns pro and shocks the Heavyweight division.

 

I can't remember who posted that originally, but the thought of some bird was watching Rambo and asks when he becomes a boxer still cracks me up.

 

Edit: I see I posted it and that I first saw it in a magazine.

[GR10 LFC]

Was going into town at the weekend, in a cab with a mate and our wives. Going over the flyover at the back of the museum towards Dale St when the taxi driver points ahead. We can see 2 ambulances and a couple of police cars.. Mate's bird says "Ooh, I wonder if someone has jumped off!?"

 

Even when I asked if that was the case then why would the ambulances be on top of the flyover, it still took a while for the penny to drop.

[ChrisM]

Just been to Tesco, on my own, to do a bit of a shop. Before I left I put a list together with the wife. I get back and say 'I remembered when I got down there we forgot to put washing up liquid on the list,' and then proceed to put the shopping away. Ten minutes later she goes into the cupboard, looks at me with a smug youthickbastard look and says 'we don't need washing up liquid, there's two bottles in the cupboard!'

 

Obviously there were two bottles in the cupboard because they were on offer. In the shop. Where I had bought them.

[Harry Squatter]

I love the way foghorn women can't handle it when men stand up to them or give as good as they get in an argument. Some woman where I used to work was always making snide comments about all the men in the office. She always used to exaggerate every fellas age and always make snide comments about any fellas dress sense. This woman was really a glass house person who threw a lot of stones as she would come to work dressed like a whore and cram into a size 12 dress when she was a 16.

 

She had a go at some lad who always ignored her but one day he just turned on her. She made a snide comment about his age and the suit he was wearing. He just turned around and said "better than being 50 stone and dressing like you're going to work on Upper Parliament Street". She ran to the bogs crying and later put in a bullying complaint about him!

 

Another one was a big brassy blonde who modelled herself on Pamela Anderson, properly thought she was gorgeous and would always criticise the "lack of male talent" in our office. Me and my mates saw her out a few weeks ago and my mate tried chatting her up but she told him he was fat and ugly. He said "you remind me of some film star" she then perked up and said "oh yeah, who?". My mate said "stiflers ma in American Pie". She was on the verge of tears at the bar

[Bjornebye]

I love the way foghorn women can't handle it when men stand up to them or give as good as they get in an argument. Some woman where I used to work was always making snide comments about all the men in the office. She always used to exaggerate every fellas age and always make snide comments about any fellas dress sense. This woman was really a glass house person who threw a lot of stones as she would come to work dressed like a whore and cram into a size 12 dress when she was a 16.

 

She had a go at some lad who always ignored her but one day he just turned on her. She made a snide comment about his age and the suit he was wearing. He just turned around and said "better than being 50 stone and dressing like you're going to work on Upper Parliament Street". She ran to the bogs crying and later put in a bullying complaint about him!

 

Another one was a big brassy blonde who modelled herself on Pamela Anderson, properly thought she was gorgeous and would always criticise the "lack of male talent" in our office. Me and my mates saw her out a few weeks ago and my mate tried chatting her up but she told him he was fat and ugly. He said "you remind me of some film star" she then perked up and said "oh yeah, who?". My mate said "stiflers ma in American Pie". She was on the verge of tears at the bar

 

I always found it easier to pull the 'pretty and i know it' ones after i have taken the piss out of them. They hate being put in their place yet get all wet and worked up by it. Thats why they never fuck weak men who let themselves get the piss taken out of them.

 

Moral of the story - if you want to pull a stunner - walk up and head-butt her first.

[Harry Squatter]

I always found it easier to pull the 'pretty and i know it' ones after i have taken the piss out of them. They hate being put in their place yet get all wet and worked up by it. Thats why they never fuck weak men who let themselves get the piss taken out of them.

 

Moral of the story - if you want to pull a stunner - walk up and head-butt her first.

 

Ha ha. I knew some bird who thought she was gorgeous and made a big deal about going to ladies day every year at Aintree, she had a fit body but big teeth. She told me that some cheeky cunt came up to her at the bar and asked what races she was betting on, she asked why and said it was none of his business, he then said "I'm only asking because you can't bet on yourself so whatever race you aren't betting on I'll put a bet on you each way"

[VladimirIlyich]

Ha ha. I knew some bird who thought she was gorgeous and made a big deal about going to ladies day every year at Aintree, she had a fit body but big teeth. She told me that some cheeky cunt came up to her at the bar and asked what races she was betting on, she asked why and said it was none of his business, he then said "I'm only asking because you can't bet on yourself so whatever race you aren't betting on I'll put a bet on you each way"

 

I thought he was going to say,'because I wanted to hear it straight from the Horse's mouth.

[lifetime fan]

I always found it easier to pull the 'pretty and i know it' ones after i have taken the piss out of them. They hate being put in their place yet get all wet and worked up by it. Thats why they never fuck weak men who let themselves get the piss taken out of them.

 

Moral of the story - if you want to pull a stunner - walk up and head-butt her first.

 

 

You listening Bigbak? Are you?

[Garrincha]

You listening Bigbak? Are you?

 

It's good advice for trying to pull girls in their late teens or twentys, but women aged 30 and over it usually has the opposite effect on.

[Champ]

It's good advice for trying to pull girls in their late teens or twentys, but women aged 30 and over it usually has the opposite effect on.

 

You either got it or you ain't

[lifetime fan]

All women like a laugh and all women have insecurities.

[Garrincha]

You either got it or you ain't

 

That is true, I'm in my mid 20's and have always been attracted to older women. When girls are young they usually only care about your looks, if you've got decent patter it's a plus, but it's mostly physical attraction. Older women, especially career women are more interested in other things, personality being much more important, humour, job, etc. Acting like a dickhead to them usually doesn't have the desired effect. It may well work on a bunch of 18-21 year old girls that think they are god's gift because it's the opposite of what they usually get from guys, telling them 'how beautiful they are', or 'how great they look tonight' etc.

Edited June 11, 2013 by Garrincha

[Champ]

That is true, I'm mid 20's and have always been attracted to older women. When girls are young they usually only care about your looks, if you've got decent patter it's a plus, but it's mostly physical attraction. Older women, especially career women are more interested in other things, personality being much more important, humour, job, etc. Acting like a dickhead to them usually doesn't have the desired effect. It may well work on a bunch of 18-21 year old girls that think they are god's gift because it's the opposite of what they expect.

 

Who said anything about acting like a dickhead?

The initial attraction is likely to be physical, say something nice and the nail it with some cheeky, close to the edge put down and you're there, I'd say

[Rico1304]

Who said anything about acting like a dickhead?

The initial attraction is likely to be physical, say something nice and the nail it with some cheeky, close to the edge put down and you're there, I'd say

 

Will you go with me? Nostalgic, funny and straight to the point. Worked a dream for me before the wife.

[Champ]

 

Will you go with me? Nostalgic' date=' funny and straight to the point. Worked a dream for me before the wife.[/quote']

 

On first meeting? That would be weird

[lifetime fan]

How many dressing gowns does a woman need?

[Rico1304]

On first meeting? That would be weird

 

Depends, I might have been in a hurry!

[Champ]

How many dressing gowns does a woman need?

 

This one. 2. One for winter one for summer

[Champ]

 

Depends' date=' I might have been in a hurry![/quote']

 

So might I have been.....to get away from you!