Awkward sexual experiences

[VladimirIlyich]

I remember shagging some fucking dog from by ours and me mums best mate seen me banging the arse of her in the entry. Too make things worse it was my mums mates poodle as well

You are very brave to admit your bestiality fetish on here mate.

[SammyAftershave]

Was banging some fit married Indian bird from work. She lived in Wolverhampton and was up one night for a work doo and I ended up shagging her. We arranged another meet up and she came and got a hotel so we could just fuck all night. I turned up at the hotel a bit late as I was on the ale with a couple of my mates. We got down to it on the bed and she told me she had a fetish for waxing fellas asses and her fella wouldn't let her do it so she wanted to do it on me. I thought it was a bit weird but thought no harm so let her wax my crack. The next minute she's got her tongue in my ass hole and starts trying to slip a finger in. I let her slip a little digit in then hear her feeling around in her handbag from were she pulls a strap on out. Had to tell her as will try most things but draw the line at that. She was a freaky bird man. She wanted to piss on me as well.

 

Admirable. Have you got her number?

[stringvest]

You are very brave to admit your bestiality fetish on here mate.

 

some do find it more difficult to come to terms with it. 

[Major Tom]

Mostly the dogs.

[lifetime fan]

Not awkward for me this one, but still. Stayed in one of the truly great hostels, in Florianópolis about 10 years ago. A complete twat of an Aussie bird turned up who let's just say enjoyed the sound of her own voice. Before she'd even sat down upon arrival she'd recounted several breathtaking tales of how she reached Flori, which apparently involved a plane and...prepare for total amazement...something called a 'coach'...totally unlike everyone else who'd made their own way there. This was followed by "I'm guessing you're all wondering how I know so much about travel and have seen so much of the world; I'M ACTUALLY A TRAVEL AGENT."

 

Anyway, the hostel arranged a bus trip to some bar one night and after an absolute skinfull I took off back to the ranch. Many hours later fucknuts turns up with some guy, brings him into the dorm and having turned all the lights on, laughing when he told her to keep it down as there were people in bed asleep, starts fucking him in the bunk next to mine, some proper wannabe Lassie shit coming out of her by the finish. I waited until the intensifying noises indicated both were about to hit point gush, simply hopped down off my bunk, kicked hers and said "I'm just off for a shit...hope the noise of it doesn't disturb you".

 

The air pressure change was beautiful, the sound she made even better, and my last remark as I went to the bog was "Like trying to squeeze toothpaste back into the tube, isn't it mate."

 

Radio silence for the rest of the night.

Haha

 

My favourite is you can't push string.

[liverbobs]

About 3 years ago ,  not long after i'd split up from my ex wife, I was a mess, but i decided to go out one night with a mate and ended up down Burnley, anyway ended up with this ugly, skinny bird and went back to her house and up to bed, even though I was half  pissed I used a condom to shag her, half way through she asks if i want to fuck her arse, so up we go, I finish and pull out of her arse to see the condom had split and I had shit underneath my foreskin, I can remember kneeling there, half pissed with a split condom on my knob and shit under my foreskin, so I did what normal people do and puked up all over the place.

[Nunavut Patrick]

Mostly the dogs.

 

I guess the good thing with dogs is you just have to take them walkies after, they are not expecting a cuddle or a call the next day.

[Dr Nowt]

I guess the good thing with dogs is you just have to take them walkies after, they are not expecting a cuddle or a call the next day.

Especially strays. Can just drop 'em home wherever you like.

[Ginny]

Admirable. Have you got her number?

I have actually and it's a constant battle not to call her as I have a bird now.

[Alan Sex]

Especially strays. Can just drop 'em home wherever you like.

[Chris]

I'm happy to put the graft in for a shag, a few years ago I'd put months of work into the sister of a mates bird. She was fit and worth the effort. We were all staying at some place in Wales for NYE and I knew I'd get my chance. When we arrived in Wales the place was a bit weird ( it was completely mis-sold as the Loaded NYE party so we were expecting Jo Guest but instead got a load of coked up journos wanking over Hunter Thomson stories) and we were in big dorms. No worries, I'll just spirit her away early and get the shag over before everyone crashes. Only I'd made the mistake of telling my mate the plan, he saw us sneak off, followed us upstairs and gave us 5 mins to get in bed then stormed in and got in the next bed. He sang "close to you" none stop for 25 mins until she got bored and fucked off, she wasn't happy, I wasn't happy but my mate thought it was hilarious. He only ever phones me when it comes on the radio - 15 yrs later.

 

Haha, that's easily the best part of that story.

[lifetime fan]

Talking of dogs, I'm giving Carly one from behind and I can feel this 'wetness' on my balls. It's not actually too unpleasant and being an arrogant teat just assume it's her dripping from the good loving.

 

The 'wetness' is getting a bit odd after a while and whilst not wanting to break stroke I look over my shoulder to see its Milo licking my balls.

 

Not wanting to stop I push him away, but in the throes of passion I shove him a bit too hard and he falls off the bed into the wardrobe.

 

Well that's it, Carly's off to look after her little solider and I'm left led there playing tents being accused of animal cruelty.

[Paulie Dangerously]

Talking of dogs, I'm giving Carly one from behind and I can feel this 'wetness' on my balls. It's not actually too unpleasant and being an arrogant teat just assume it's her dripping from the good loving.

 

The 'wetness' is getting a bit odd after a while and whilst not wanting to break stroke I look over my shoulder to see its Milo licking my balls.

 

Not wanting to stop I push him away, but in the throes of passion I shove him a bit too hard and he falls off the bed into the wardrobe.

 

Well that's it, Carly's off to look after her little solider and I'm left led there playing tents being accused of animal cruelty.

Stan once started licking my toes. Never seen a greyhound move so fast as lady D throw him out the room by the scruff of the neck. 32kg he was. Freakish strength when loving off me is in peril

[Remmie]

Bumped for consideration for the hall of fame

[lifetime fan]

I was in the boozer with a mate who he said he fancied a bird in there and sent me over to smooth the waters and see if she was up for a date, she fucked him off but said she'd go on one with me. Being a twat I said I'd take her out (to an SClub7 concert!) and we had a good night but couldn't go back to hers because she lived with her parents. Next weekend they were away so planned to go back to hers after the pub for a fuck but I got shitfaced and couldn't get it up. This then happened on 5 further occasions which I thought was hilarious. She got paranoid and asked if it was her fault, I said yes, it's never happened before and she kicked me out. The next Friday she walked into the pub to hear me telling my mates it was like putting toothpaste back in the tube and miming her gob chasing my limp dick. She went mental.

 

Fast forward 4 years and I was in a different pub with some mates and got talking to another group of blokes we played footy against. We went back to one blokes house after he phoned his bird for permission as she was out with her mates. We were fucking about and if I remember rightly I was upside down doing a head stand against a wall when in walks blow job bird, she burst into tears and screamed "get that bastard out of here"

 

Legend.

[Harry Squatter]

My mate was shagging some fat bird from his work. He treated her like shit but had still been back to her house in West Kirby about 4 weeks on the run. He told me how long it took to walk from her house to the train station then the train back to Liverpool took ages.

 

He again disappeared with her when he was out with me but told me he wouldn't go back with her. Next day I rang him and he said that they walked out of town trying to get a taxi and ended up in Toxteth. He said she wanted him to go back to hers but he grabbed her and bent her over outside the women's hospital and started giving her one. He must have blasted his load fairly fast then walked over to the front of the hospital and put her in a taxi. I think it only dawned on him the next day that there must been about 20 people outside the front entrance smoking who would have saw his shocking performance.

[Rico1304]

Legend.

I saw her last week. She still hates me.

[Juniper]

Many years ago I met up with two female friends who were always quite open that they were bi-curious about each other.

 

After a lot of drinks at a bar one night just the the three of us (yes I’d lined that up) I nip to the toilets. Head back to our table where one of them proclaims quotes loudly in front of everyone “we want to try a threesome tonight!”

 

Obviously quite soon after that on my insistence we head back to my flat. All get in the shower together and then head downstairs to my room. After some fun all together they eventually start going down on each other and one of them uses a finger and cuts the other one with her fingernail.

 

She then starts to bleed over my white bedsheets.

 

In the end me and the girl who can perform still go at it whilst the other panics in my bathroom whilst talking to us.

 

She eventually joins us again but it very much killed the moment as I think she was hoping for more with the other girl - and I had to throw my bedsheets in the bin the next day.

[Aventus]

I once had a girl burst out crying half way through the act.

 

I thought maybe my dicks a bit too big, or I was being too rough, so I asked her what was up...

 

"I miss my ex boyfriend"

 

 

It made the following 2 minutes of sex very awkward.

[Aventus]

Once smashed a girl that had a tampon still stuck up her chuff, obviously she'd forgot about it.

 

Me being pissed ment I hadn't felt the severe friction burn on my knob until after the deed was done. Still got a bit of a scar on the shaft.

[Rico1304]

I once had a girl burst out crying half way through the act.

 

I thought maybe my dicks a bit too big, or I was being too rough, so I asked her what was up...

 

"I miss my ex boyfriend"

 

 

It made the following 2 minutes of sex very awkward.

Believe the lot until 2 mins.

[Aventus]

Was once necking a skinny bird, everything going well until she disappeared to the toilet for a while, she came back and we resumed our business.

 

Except now her mouth tasted like shite, after a couple of minutes of me trying my best not to spew all over the place I asked her what the fuck was going on.

 

Turns out she was bulimic and went to force herself to throw up because she wanted to look nice for me.

It was much for me to deal with so I bailed.

 

Thinking back it was kind of cute in a weird way, none of my ex's have ever made themselves throw up for me, so much for saying they love me, lying bitches.

[Aventus]

Believe the lot until 2 mins.

Yeah you got me, I did stop at that point, being the supreme gentleman that I am.

[Aventus]

Once went Amsterdam around the red light.

 

Was fucked up on ale and weed, and hadn't slept for a couple of days, so I couldn't get it up, she sucked on it for a couple of minutes, slapped it about a little bit then got bored and kicked me out. I was too tired to complain so I put my pants back on and shuffled back out, and I was too embarrassed to tell my mates waiting outside that I was pushing rope and couldn't finish the job.

[lifetime fan]

Didn’t quite work out as planned...

 

 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-humber-45140580