The world of a woman.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

The blonde in work now is saying because she has purchased a television with built in freeview for her bedroom, she is going to contest the fee with the aerial fitter as if she pays the £50 aerial installation fee it won't be free to view. She didnt buy the t.v from him or anything. She says if he trys to charge her "I'll take it to the government".

[RedinSweden]

The blonde in work now is saying because she has purchased a television with built in freeview for her bedroom, she is going to contest the fee with the aerial fitter as if she pays the £50 aerial installation fee it won't be free to view. She didnt buy the t.v from him or anything. She says if he trys to charge her "I'll take it to the government".

 

Same as the microwave woman?

 

I told my family about the microwave incident at diunner yesterday. My daughter would like to know her name in order to be able to use it as an insult.

[Uncle_Meat]

Just had a customer who made me think of this thread.

 

"I need ink for my printer"

 

"what printer is it"

 

"It's a square one, it's not as square as your one (pointing to my laser printer)"

 

"What make is it"

 

"I don't know, but it needs colours"

 

"Ok. Is it a Canon or a HP, Epson maybe?"

 

"Hewlett Epson I think. The ink comes in a little box. Does that help?"

 

"......"

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Same as the microwave woman?

 

I told my family about the microwave incident at diunner yesterday. My daughter would like to know her name in order to be able to use it as an insult.

 

No, the microwave one was a girl on the other section she's soft as shite but not in the same league as this girl.

[Ezekiel 25:17]

Just for you RIS incase you missed it a while back on the friday fives thread, these are all real life conversations that happened with the blonde:

 

Top five conversation's Ive had with a girl in work:

5, HER:He's text me saying I was giving him the Elvis, what the hell does that mean ?? ME: Are you sure it doesn't say Evils ??? HER: oh yeah.

 

4, ME: where did you go paintballing ?? HER: Somewhere up ormskirk way ME: Oh the one I'm going to is on the East Lancs. HER: It's probably the same one. ME: Hmm

 

3, ME: If you take your foot off the gas before you get to the speed cameras maybe you won't keep getting caught speeding HER: my car isn't gas.

 

It's the same girl who when asked what the opposite of top was she replied "pot", and when something that seems daunting but turns out well refers to it as "a blessing in the skies".

 

2, ME:I watched a documentary on the Titanic last night it was really interesting HER: Did the Titanic really happen ?? ME: *speechless*

 

1, Me: can't wait to get home later she's made home made shephards pie with propery quality beef. HER: Oh I love shephards pie my mum always makes it ?? ME: what meat does she use Lamb or beef ?? HER: Oh neither, she uses Mince.

 

It's the same girl who when asked said the opposite of top was pot and refers to asomething that may seem bad but turns out well as "a blessing in the skies".

Edited October 15, 2009 by Ezekiel 25:17

[Mel Wood]

Not something a woman said, but did. My colleague was just telling me that she was gutted - she had a minor scratch on her car, and her mum decided to 'buff it out' for her, as she had seen someone do before. To do this, she started buffing away all round the scratch with some wax...on a Brillo Pad.

[RJ Fan club]

A woman I worked with came in to work with a grazed knee and sobbing, so I asked what happened. Turns out she had some rust on her bike frame and her Dad told her a bit of Wd40 would take it off. She did that and then thought she'd "clean" the wheel rims up a bit. Said bike now had a stopping distance of an oil tanker. She'd got to the bottom of her road used the 'brakes' to find they wouldn't work and came a cropper.

[old skool tom]

my mates bird graduated from university around the same time of her birthday so he took her to the states as a double celebration.one night,they were walking down the street looking for somewhere to eat and his bird said "the Pavi Lion looks good".after looking around for a minute he said "i cant see it,where the fucks that?" she pointed at the restraunt to show him.my mate just looked at her and shook his head

and said "omg, our you thick? its called "The Pavilion" you idiot"

[hamstrung]

Similar one as that where "Wide Open" was pronounced as one word, "Widdie O' Pen"

[RedinSweden]

Just for you RIS incase you missed it a while back on the friday fives thread, these are all real life conversations that happened with the blonde:

 

Top five conversation's Ive had with a girl in work:

5, HER:He's text me saying I was giving him the Elvis, what the hell does that mean ?? ME: Are you sure it doesn't say Evils ??? HER: oh yeah.

 

4, ME: where did you go paintballing ?? HER: Somewhere up ormskirk way ME: Oh the one I'm going to is on the East Lancs. HER: It's probably the same one. ME: Hmm

 

3, ME: If you take your foot off the gas before you get to the speed cameras maybe you won't keep getting caught speeding HER: my car isn't gas.

 

It's the same girl who when asked what the opposite of top was she replied "pot", and when something that seems daunting but turns out well refers to it as "a blessing in the skies".

 

2, ME:I watched a documentary on the Titanic last night it was really interesting HER: Did the Titanic really happen ?? ME: *speechless*

 

1, Me: can't wait to get home later she's made home made shephards pie with propery quality beef. HER: Oh I love shephards pie my mum always makes it ?? ME: what meat does she use Lamb or beef ?? HER: Oh neither, she uses Mince.

 

It's the same girl who when asked said the opposite of top was pot and refers to asomething that may seem bad but turns out well as "a blessing in the skies".

 

Ace. I hadn't seen them. Pretty scary too.

 

 

A woman I worked with came in to work with a grazed knee and sobbing, so I asked what happened. Turns out she had some rust on her bike frame and her Dad told her a bit of Wd40 would take it off. She did that and then thought she'd "clean" the wheel rims up a bit. Said bike now had a stopping distance of an oil tanker. She'd got to the bottom of her road used the 'brakes' to find they wouldn't work and came a cropper.

 

Awesome.

[Anny Road]

I just had a cracker in the shop.

 

Young lady. ''Will you be getting any other strawberry liqueurs in?''

ME '' Was there a particular one you were after?''

Young Lady (pointing at Baja Rosa a strawberry cream tequila liqueur)

'' It would be something like that one but without the cream and the tequila.''

Me. '' Do you know what it was called?''

Young Lady '' Oh I haven't tried it and I don't know if they make one but it would be lovely and I would like to try it.

[elvis]

I once asked my wife " what kind of car does Sarah drive ?"

 

Answer ? A Ford Renault.

[Guest davelfc]

Went to the cashpoint today at Sainsburys, queue of about 10 people at one and the other obviously not working.

 

Up walks this woman, looks at the queue, looks at the empty cashpoint and says "Is that one not working?"

[Remmie]

Went to the cashpoint today at Sainsburys, queue of about 10 people at one and the other obviously not working.

 

Up walks this woman, looks at the queue, looks at the empty cashpoint and says "Is that one not working?"

You'd be surprised, I've often gone to the cashpoint that no one is queuing for and got my money because people are often following lemmings.

[Trumo]

You'd be surprised, I've often gone to the cashpoint that no one is queuing for and got my money because people are often following lemmings.

 

Or the ATM's been bugged. Perhaps you might wanna check your account to make sure it's not been rinsed.

[Remmie]

Or the ATM's been bugged. Perhaps you might wanna check your account to make sure it's not been rinsed.

It has been rinsed. By me.

[Redder Lurtz]

I once asked my wife " what kind of car does Sarah drive ?"

 

Answer ? A Ford Renault.

 

Reminds me of my job in the late 80's, working for a firm called Serck Marsden down south. We supplied radiators for cars & lorries. One day a woman rings up:

 

Her: "I've been told I need a new radiator for my car. Can you tell me how much it'll cost?"

 

Me: "Sure, what kind of car is it?"

 

*sound of footsteps down the hallway. Pause. Sound of footsteps back to the phone*

 

Her: "It's a blue one"

[dirty_sanchez]

Stalking mother fucker, no you're right that's exactly what they do, there's the slightest hint of irony in this, just the slightest.

 

Lance isn't stalking you, he deals with your company when claiming for his follicular disability.

[Uncle_Meat]

Went to the cashpoint today at Sainsburys, queue of about 10 people at one and the other obviously not working.

 

Up walks this woman, looks at the queue, looks at the empty cashpoint and says "Is that one not working?"

 

 

Talking of cashpoints at Sainsburys.

 

 

 

 

 

I did offer to fix it for them but they refused for some reason...

[chrisbonnie]

not a female, but my dad just said this this morning, worryingly thick actually

 

one of the lads working with us had a key to a door of the room he was working in the other day, he went home with the key and forgot to give it back, no biggy

 

i got the key last night off of him ,and left it on my dashboard in the van

 

my dad gets in the van this morning, and i said to him. "there`s that key you where after", he then picks something up and replies, "this thing????"

 

i just answered, "no dad, thats a remote control, the key is half an inch to the left"

 

honestly, i couldnt make it up

[Unrighteous]

Lance isn't stalking you, he deals with your company when claiming for his follicular disability.

 

You bite your tongue. Don't try to tarnish the genetic purity of red hair.

[RedinSweden]

Talking of cashpoints at Sainsburys.

 

 

 

 

 

I did offer to fix it for them but they refused for some reason...

 

That is ace. i can imagine someone else in the queue "Where's the fucking R key?"

[briefs]

This thread has had me in stiches since its creation so I thought I'd add a couple of scenarios that I've witnessed today.

 

In clothing shop.

 

Girl 1: Do you like this top?

Moose: Yep. Why don't you get it? What size do you need?

Girl 1: A size 12. What about you?

Moose: Oh, I'm a size 18 because I've got big ribs.

 

Errrr....... NO. You're size 18 because your a pie eating, cookie munching lardy mess.

 

In the same clothing shop.

 

Girl *picks up green eyeliner*: Do you think that's the colour it is?

Boyfriend: Er. Yeah. Green.

Girl: So you don't think it's black then? *puts eyeliner back with disappointed expression on her face*

Edited October 16, 2009 by briefs

[Ezekiel 25:17]

"has anybody got any sunglasses, it's boiling in here", I'll pretty much be able to bring you these pearls daily.

[thechap]

For years the other half had been trying to get me to watch her DVD of Gone With The Wind, her favorite ever movie. Due to it being around four and a half hours long we never got round to it until a few months ago.

 

Now the disc is one of those ones you have to turn over for part two of the film. The first half ended with scarlet in the field saying the lines "I'll never go hungry again!". It ends and she turns to me asking what I though of the movie? "good ain't it, love that film!".....she had never seen the second half of the movie, ever. Her favorite ever film was Side 1 of Gone With The Wind and had been for years.

 

Just took a call from her that lasted ten seconds, asking me what toothbrush I use. I didn't even ask why........Pointless

 

 

It doesn't seem possible and yet you couldn't make it up...