What constitutes the perfect cooked breakfast?

[Numero Veinticinco]

4 minutes ago, Champ said:

Who are we talking about here?

The Scots?

[Pidge]

1 hour ago, Champ said:

Who are we talking about here?

The last king of Scotland.

[Bjornebye]

2 hours ago, Champ said:

Who are we talking about here?

[Pureblood]

On 07/04/2019 at 23:19, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

Iam waiting for a brekkie to be served on a live Tortoise, stick it at one end of the table and you have till it falls off the other end to eat. A challenge if you will.

They shouldn’t make you shell out too much for it though

Rept.

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

35 minutes ago, TK421 said:

Rept.

ile take it.

[Bjornebye]

16 minutes ago, VERBAL DIARRHEA said:

ile take it.

ueers

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

8 hours ago, Bjornebye said:

ueers

Q think.

[Curly]

Right, my first ever entry on here. It’s a homemade job for me and Mrs belarus. I’m a pro beaner, but like to get them when I want them, not have them swarming my plate. Let’s have your worst you bunch of cunts...

 

 

[Captain Turdseye]

Fishcakes are a bit, erm, different. 

 

No bacon. 

 

Toast ever so slightly undercooked. 

[cloggypop]

No bacon, fishcakes, margarine on stale white bread, cherry tomatoes, broken yolk. Takes up half a table with plates and bowl. It's only the beans that save it. 

 

-2/10

 

 

[Curly]

Hahaha. They’re not fish cakes, they’re potato rostis. They were good, but not as good as hash browns, which the shop by us didn’t have. 

 

Id give it a 7.5 out of 10. No bacon as I’m veggie now, so they are veggie sausages. They were decent too - like meaty bubble and squeak.

[Bjornebye]

44 minutes ago, belarus said:

Right, my first ever entry on here. It’s a homemade job for me and Mrs belarus. I’m a pro beaner, but like to get them when I want them, not have them swarming my plate. Let’s have your worst you bunch of cunts...

 

 

Oh for fuck sake. Talk about ruining my weekend you cunt. 

 

Lets take it from the top.

 

3 coats of Valspan on thin bread isn't really the norm for a breakfast but compared to the rest of this stuff its nowhere near the worst addition. 

 

A whole tin of devil droppings in a dog bowl on top of a pixelated table mat which we can only assume is a recent picture of Maddie in the buff (or worse, Maggie) 

 

The plate looks like it was left on the floor while you painted your ceiling black 

 

The eggs are overcooked which explains why you jumped on them before you put them on your plate

 

 Tomatoes are ideal for a fry-up but a particular kind. Not the kind you have got your slave to pick off next doors fucking tree then made him piss on from a height of I'd say about 8 feet. 

 

 The mushrooms are about the only edible looking thing in this snuff version of modern art

 

 They aren't sausages. They are two perfectly formed turds after a night on the real ale. One has snapped off at source and we can only assume its still hanging out of your arse as I type. 

 

 Are they fish cakes or scallops? Either way it looks like while you were trying to find your nonce camera a pigeon has flown in to have a nibble and has spat it back on the plate and fucked off before you got back. 

 

 The tip of the knife looks burned which I can only assume is something to do with being a junkie which goes 8% of the way to explaining the whole scenario I guess. 

 

 You robbed the fork from my primary school canteen or a prison. 

 

1/2 a point for the mushrooms leaving you with a final score of -322.5/10 

[Mook]

45 minutes ago, belarus said:

Right, my first ever entry on here. It’s a homemade job for me and Mrs belarus. I’m a pro beaner, but like to get them when I want them, not have them swarming my plate. Let’s have your worst you bunch of cunts...

 

 

"All that lives is born to die"

[Guest]

13 minutes ago, Bjornebye said:

Oh for fuck sake. Talk about ruining my weekend you cunt. 

 

Lets take it from the top.

 

3 coats of Valspan on thin bread isn't really the norm for a breakfast but compared to the rest of this stuff its nowhere near the worst addition. 

 

A whole tin of devil droppings in a dog bowl on top of a pixelated table mat which we can only assume is a recent picture of Maddie in the buff (or worse, Maggie) 

 

The plate looks like it was left on the floor while you painted your ceiling black 

 

The eggs are overcooked which explains why you jumped on them before you put them on your plate

 

 Tomatoes are ideal for a fry-up but a particular kind. Not the kind you have got your slave to pick off next doors fucking tree then made him piss on from a height of I'd say about 8 feet. 

 

 The mushrooms are about the only edible looking thing in this snuff version of modern art

 

 They aren't sausages. They are two perfectly formed turds after a night on the real ale. One has snapped off at source and we can only assume its still hanging out of your arse as I type. 

 

 Are they fish cakes or scallops? Either way it looks like while you were trying to find your nonce camera a pigeon has flown in to have a nibble and has spat it back on the plate and fucked off before you got back. 

 

 The tip of the knife looks burned which I can only assume is something to do with being a junkie which goes 8% of the way to explaining the whole scenario I guess. 

 

 You robbed the fork from my primary school canteen or a prison. 

 

1/2 a point for the mushrooms leaving you with a final score of -322.5/10 

That is what they will call in Mortal Kombat a Fatality. 

[TheHowieLama]

The worst effort on the thread -- which take some doing. Majestically terrible at every turn.

 

The good news is things can only get better.

[Captain Turdseye]

28 minutes ago, belarus said:

Id give it a 7.5 out of 10. No bacon as I’m veggie now, so they are veggie sausages

 

[Pidge]

Looks all right.  Shame about the mushrooms.

[Tony Moanero]

1 hour ago, belarus said:

Right, my first ever entry on here. It’s a homemade job for me and Mrs belarus. I’m a pro beaner, but like to get them when I want them, not have them swarming my plate. Let’s have your worst you bunch of cunts...

 

 

 

[Curly]

4 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

 

Hahaha

[Curly]

Brutal this. 

 

For what it’s worth, the eggs were bob fucking on, so you can stick that in your boyfriend’s crack pipe and smoke it.

 

I can’t believe it’s been classed as the worst on here. I should be absolutely apoplectic here. Disgraceful comments. If Lifey or Ardja belittle it I may never make a brekkie again.

[Tony Moanero]

3 minutes ago, belarus said:

Brutal this. 

 

For what it’s worth, the eggs were bob fucking on, so you can stick that in your boyfriend’s crack pipe and smoke it.

 

I can’t believe it’s been classed as the worst on here. I should be absolutely apoplectic here. Disgraceful comments. If Lifey or Ardja belittle it I may never make a brekkie again.

 

Who made it? You or Mrs belarus?

[TheHowieLama]

I'll be honest - when I first saw the post I thought the breakfast was just buttered bread and a bowl of beans. Then I scrolled down. Probably would have fared better with just the bread and beans.

[Bjornebye]

3 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

 

Who made it? You or Mrs belarus?

Pol Pot 

[Tony Moanero]

I’m going to print out a copy of that and keep it in my wallet to remind me that my wife isn’t as bad a cook as I thought.

[Curly]

14 minutes ago, Tony Moanero said:

 

Who made it? You or Mrs belarus?

Me. It was a solid scran that.