Coronavirus

[Spy Bee]

54 minutes ago, mattyq said:

Apparently it's mutated into a milder virus... natural selection and all that.

A milder virus spreads a lot more effectively as people aren't keeling over willy nilly

In other, more believable news, it's mutated with aids so it's now covaids-19. which is good covaids and covaids-20 which is bad covaids

Details of how you catch it are a little sketchy at the moment but fingering cats is thought to be high risk

Some think that it has sections of the HIV virus spliced into it.

[Spy Bee]

https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/what-are-odds-timeline-facts-linking-covid-19-hiv-wuhans-secret-bio-lab

[cloggypop]

Zerohedge is a bad wanker. 

[Captain Turdseye]

One good thing to come out of all this is the dozens of demonstrations on TV every day of how to wash your hands correctly.

 

DON’T FORGET YOUR THUMBS. 

[Elite]

2 minutes ago, Captain Turdseye said:

One good thing to come out of all this is the dozens of demonstrations on TV every day of how to wash your hands correctly.

 

DON’T FORGET YOUR THUMBS. 

You'll be able to tell which people are sticking to the guidelines, they'll have hands like this:

 

 

[Spy Bee]

I'm also word perfect on Happy Birthday now too!

[Elite]

Just seen the new KFC advert showing people eating and then licking their fingers. Fair play to the fuckers, tearing up the Corona virus guidelines. Renegades.

[Bjornebye]

2 hours ago, mattyq said:

 

Details of how you catch it are a little sketchy at the moment but fingering cats is thought to be high risk

 

 

[Dr Nowt]

Even though I’m well in the enhanced at risk group and feel irony insists Coronavirus must kill me this year, my Mum has just got back from Tenerife so it’s given me 14 days grace from meeting up.

 

To be fair, a few thousand dead is probably worth it.

[Champ]

9 minutes ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Even though I’m well in the enhanced at risk group and feel irony insists Coronavirus must kill me this year, my Mum has just got back from Tenerife so it’s given me 14 days grace from meeting up.

 

To be fair, a few thousand dead is probably worth it.

What a shame about that Mother’s Day outing you had planned 

[Dr Nowt]

27 minutes ago, Champ said:

What a shame about that Mother’s Day outing you had planned 

The 14 days will be up by then! If she survives them. 
 

What?

[Karl_b]

I've been put on the 'vulnerable' list at work. Skill.

[Nunavut Patrick]

13 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I've been put on the 'vulnerable' list at work. Skill.

I find your vulnerability incredibly sexy. 

[Red Phoenix]

I wonder how all of those sanctions have been helping Iran deal with this? Great job to the fuckwits behind that in recent years. They won't care though, Iranians might not even be classed as fully Human to many of them, they're that fucking warped.

[Elite]

27 minutes ago, Karl_b said:

I've been put on the 'vulnerable' list at work. Skill.

I'd be asking for vulnerability pay.

[Red Phoenix]

 

[Karl_b]

1 hour ago, Nunavut Patrick said:

I find your vulnerability incredibly sexy. 

PM'd. I'll take what I can get whilst I'm still here.

[Karl_b]

1 hour ago, Elite said:

I'd be asking for vulnerability pay.

I can see plenty of "working from home" coming up. Might throw a few coughs around on Monday.

[Anubis]

3 hours ago, Champ said:

My local Sainsbury’s this morning. 
Keep Calm and Carry On, eh

Is Regina Blitz like that shiny grease paper toilet paper they used to put in public loos, that spread the shit all over your arse rather than actually wipe it? Is that why it’s the only brand left?

[Rico1304]

2 hours ago, Lizzie Birdsworths Wrinkled Chopper said:

Even though I’m well in the enhanced at risk group and feel irony insists Coronavirus must kill me this year, my Mum has just got back from Tenerife so it’s given me 14 days grace from meeting up.

 

To be fair, a few thousand dead is probably worth it.

There’s no way you are being buried without a stake through the heart. Maybe two. 

[Anubis]

https://mobile.reuters.com/article/amp/idUSKBN20T0YG?__twitter_impression=true

 

SYDNEY/TOKYO (Reuters) - In Australia, major grocers have restricted supplies to one pack per person. In Japan, rolls are chained to the wall in public toilets. In Hong Kong, armed robbers carried out a heist as supplies were delivered to a supermarket.

 

Toilet paper has emerged as the unlikely No.1 stockpiling target for people across Asia who are worried that the spread of the coronavirus epidemic will lead to supply shortages. 

 

While other household products - including disinfectants, tissues and staples like rice and pasta - have also proved popular, it is the humble toilet roll that has inspired showdowns in supermarket aisles and countless social media memes.

 

The demand has caught many shoppers and sellers short, but psychologists say hoarding is a natural human reaction in times of high anxiety - and a desire to ensure sufficient supplies for lavatory visits in particular is not too much of a surprise.

 

"When we're buying stuff, things close to the body are very comforting, whether that be food, body care or in this case toilet paper," Adam Ferrier, a Melbourne-based psychologist who specializes in consumer behavior, told Reuters.

 

"The size of toilet paper makes it feel like a substantial, big purchase. It makes it feel like you're doing something. It taps back into that need for control. If you're buying a hefty big pack of toilet paper, you kind of feel like you're 'stocking up'. You signify to yourself that you're in control."

 

Photos posted on social media showed plenty of shoppers in Asia seeking control this week as they pushed precariously overloaded carts to checkout counters after stripping shelves bare. 

 

In Australia, police were called out to settle grocery aisle disputes, a delivery truck catching fire due to a mechanical fault made national headlines, and outback newspaper The NT News published an eight-page liftout of blank paper saying the move was to give the nation what it wanted.

 

"It's been a wild week. Everyone's been on the edge of their seat looking at what's happening," said Simon Griffiths, co-founder of Who Gives A Crap, a social enterprise that sells recycled toilet paper and gives half its profit to sanitation-related charity.

 

The company had to suspend store sales and new subscriptions on Wednesday when sales volumes jumped 1100% the day before.

 

SOCIAL MEDIA ROLE

 

In Japan, the economy ministry has launched a publicity campaign to urge calm, posting daily photos on its Twitter account of delivery trucks carrying toilet rolls arriving full at their destinations and of replenished store aisles.

 

"We wanted to send a message for consumers to understand that inventory was arriving," ministry spokesman Yasushi Nozawa told Reuters, adding that while there was no shortage of supply of toilet rolls, distribution networks were struggling to keep up. 

 

"Inventory has piled up at warehouses," he said. "We have requested a doubling of daily delivery capacity from 20 million rolls to 40 million."

 

It's not the first time Japan has succumbed to toilet paper fever. During the global oil crisis of 1973, there were violent scenes in some stores as people rushed to buy bathroom tissue, fearing disruption to production. 

 

Singapore-based academics Roland Bouffanais and Lim Sun Sun said this time around, social media played a major role in making the worries of a toilet paper crunch "propagate like a wildfire."

 

"Collective behaviours among humans are remarkably similar to processes in the animal kingdom such as schooling among fish and flocking among birds," they wrote in an editorial about toilet roll hoarding in the Straits Times newspaper.

 

STACKING UP

 

The situation has also led to some unusually frank comments by Asian politicians. 

 

Singapore Trade Minister Chan Chun Sing was reported by local media as calling the panic buying idiotic in a meeting with business leaders, quipping: "Why stock toilet paper? If you eat all the rice and instant noodles you confirm diarrhea."
 

In Taiwan, during a brief toilet paper panic last month, Premier Su Tseng-chang called for calm on his Facebook page, saying people "only have one butt-hole," to widespread amusement across the island. 

 

After a week of panic buying, Japan's biggest supermarket chain Aeon Co resorted to stacking up 12-roll packs in prominent displays at some of its stores to reassure customers there was plenty to go round.

 

"Our goal is to eliminate people's fears," said Aeon spokesman Daisuke Yokota. "So we're piling them into these huge towers, to send the message: boom, there’s plenty."

[Anubis]

https://www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/world-asia-china-51527043

 

Armed robbers in Hong Kong made off with hundreds of toilet rolls worth more than HKD1,000 ($130; £98).

 

Toilet rolls are currently in short supply in Hong Kong due to shortages caused by panic-buying during the coronavirus outbreak. 

 

Knife wielding men robbed a delivery man outside a supermarket in the Mong Kok district, police said.

 

Police have arrested two men and recovered some of the stolen loo rolls, local media reports said.

 

The armed robbery took place in Mong Kok, a district of Hong Kong with a history of "triad" crime gangs, early on Monday.

 

According to local reports, the robbers had threatened a delivery worker who had unloaded rolls of toilet paper outside Wellcome Supermarket. 

 

An Apple Daily report said that 600 toilet paper rolls, valued at around HKD1,695 ($218; £167), had been stolen.

 

Stores across the city have seen supplies massively depleted with long queues when new stock arrives.

 

Despite government assurances that supplies remain unaffected by the virus outbreak, residents have been stocking up on toilet paper.

 

Other household products have also seen panic-buying including rice, pasta and cleaning items. 

 

Face masks and hand sanitisers are almost impossible to get as people try to protect themselves from the coronavirus, which has already claimed more than 1,700 lives.

 

A delivery man was threatened by three knife-wielding men who took toilet paper worth more than HK$1,000 ($130)," a police spokesman said.

 

Authorities blame false online rumours for the panic buying and say supplies of food and household goods remain stable.

 

There has also been some panic-buying of toilet rolls, hand sanitisers and face masks in Singapore, which has 75 confirmed coronavirus cases.

[General Dryness]

25 minutes ago, Rico1304 said:

There’s no way you are being buried without a stake through the heart. Maybe two. 

Destroy the brain or remove the head. It's the only way.

[Mudface]

57 minutes ago, Anubis said:

Is Regina Blitz like that shiny grease paper toilet paper they used to put in public loos, that spread the shit all over your arse rather than actually wipe it? Is that why it’s the only brand left?

Regina Blitz is kitchen roll, so it's probably much better than that public toilet stuff, not that I'd particularly fancy trying to use it.

[Captain Turdseye]

South Korea is fantastic. 
 

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/mar/06/more-scary-than-coronavirus-south-koreas-health-alerts-expose-private-lives