Stupid things you've said to a woman

[Sputnik1]

"When is the baby due?"

 

Never asking that again.

[The Golden Eel]

"Is that your grandson?"

 

"No, I'm only 39, I'm not old enough to have a 13-year-old grandson. It's my nephew."

 

Oooops. Thought she was about 50

[Captain Turdseye]

I was lying in bed and my bird was trying on some sexy lingerie in front of the mirror and complaining that she'd bought it in one size too small.

 

"Don't worry about it babe, at least it'll give you something to aim for." was not the right response apparently. Luckily she laughed it off and now she just tells all her mates I'm a knob.

[Guest Pistonbroke]

It's an old Chubby Brown line and I always wanted to say it. So back in the day when I was shagging anything, this girl actually said "You don't have to pull out as I've had the coil fitted." Chubby sprang to my mind and I answered "The size of that thing you could have carpets fitted!"

 

Needless to say she wasn't best pleased.

[setreal]

So whens that baby due?

 

 

I'm a bloke etc

 

EDIT: already covered...

[Total Longo]

A girl in my old work had a mate who was a midget and from Belfast. Me and a couple of mates decided to go out whilst tripping our nuts off and these two are out and come up and try and engage in conversation. I struggle with a Belfast accent at the best of times, but in this instance i'm just staring down at her and laughing hysterically.  All i could think about was that she was on helium and worse, i've got this mental image of swinging her around my head like a lasso.

 

Ah those were the days.   

[ZonkoVille77]

"I'm only interested in sex, none of that relationship lark."

She immediately took her hand off my lad, grabbed her coat and left the apartment. She had a fantastic rack and I'd been after her for months. Big regret.

[ZonkoVille77]

"Yes, I did sleep with your sister".

 

"If you ate less sugar then they wouldn't have started to sag"

 

"Your arse hole is probably cleaner than your minge"

 

Real fucking charmer when I was on the sniff.

[tokyojoe]

You don't sweat much for a fat lass.

[A Red]

"No"

 

In response to

 

"have you listened to a word i've been saying?"

[Ezekiel 25:17]

'I only enjoy myself when I'm with you', every morning after a night out for my entire life.

[Jairzinho]

"Yeah, I guess she's pretty"

[Bjornebye]

Pulled a bird out my league at uni and said to her she could stay in my bed while I stay on the couch. She'd already agreed to come back with me.

 

I later found out she complained to her mates that I didn't try and fuck her. I was like a dog with 2 dicks at the time

 

 

You fucking pussy. 

 

 

 

Or not. Quim. 

[Bjornebye]

"Are you two sisters?"

 

"yeah"

 

"Wheres your Cinderella?" 

[Kloppite]

Told some girl she looked like sporty spice. She said she is the ugly one I agreed.

[JohnnyH]

"Of course your dad can watch"

[Bjornebye]

"Of course your dad can watch"

 

 

"Look, its Ben off the forum, don't make this weird"

[Ezekiel 25:17]

'Me mate on the forum', whats his name ?? er.......'Skidfingers Mcgonical'.

[Bjornebye]

'Me mate on the forum', whats his name ?? er.......'Skidfingers Mcgonical'.

 

 

"My mate Stringvest thinks the same. " 

[Section_31]

To some blonde bird in Zante: 'i wish the Germans had won the war so all birds looked like you'

[Guest]

Got invited to a corporate do at Aintree on Thursday, all free ale so got absolutely shitfaced. Was back home by 8 but started on the JD on my own while texting this girl I've been shagging.

 

Told her I thought her tits were too small. Needless to say she told me I won't be shagging her again.

 

So what stupid things have you said to a bird and what trouble did it cause?

I'm very curious to know how the conversation evolved into telling a woman her tits are too small? How did it get there?

[thegreatelephant]

after being ratarsed, thought i'd saw the girl i'd arranged to see in the town in the cold light of day. 'alright for next weekend, yeah?'

 

bemused look. someone entirely different. fronted it out with a load of old cobblers. there was a happy ending to the mistake though.

 

before mobiles and commitments and all that lark. doing dumb shit

[VERBAL DIARRHEA]

Women end up looking like their Mothers.

 

Didn't go down well as her Mother looked like a Scouse Benny from Top Cat.

[Arl arse]

I'll just wear jeans and a T shirt then, if you're not getting dresses up.

[tokyojoe]

I'll just wear jeans and a T shirt then, if you're not getting dresses up.

Gem.