little things that annoy the shit out of you

[General Dryness]

Don't over analyze it. It's just a shit joke and thus undeserving of ire or attention of any other sort.

[Total Longo]

I've no real qualms with this "Stoptober" thing (apart from the terrible name). If it encourages people to pack in smoking, then in theory it has to be a good thing, right? 

 

But you know there are prize plums who will say they've done it but in reality they're still having a sly bifter when nobody's around.

 

Even worse is when they're raising money for charity, like the Go sober for a month thing. How do we know they aren't slyly having a vodka while they are by themselves? 

 

It's pretty easy to not have a bevy for a month, just spend all your money on a new bike, like i did. Haven't had a drink since August and i definitely can't afford one now. 

[Mook]

My boss is back after two weeks off, offers me a biscuit first thing this morning, "No Thanks.".

 

"Do you not like biscuits?" "I've seen you eating biscuits before.", "Are you more of a fruit person?".

 

I don't even know where she went on her holiday but she should've gone to the bottom of the nearest river wih a lead hat on.

 

Twat.

[Rick Sanchez C-137]

My boss is back after two weeks off, offers me a buscuit first thing this morning, "No Thanks.".

 

"Do you not like buscuits?" "I've seen you eating biscuits before.", "Are you more of a fruit person?".

 

I don't even know where she went on her holiday but she should've gone to the bottom of the nearest river wih a lead hat on.

 

Twat.

 

What the fucks a buscuit? Is she from Derry?

[Mook]

What the fucks a buscuit? Is she from Derry?

 

I drink too much.

 

Partly her fault as well.

[setreal]

Today I managed to hear something worse than a racist joke and that's a racist joke that makes no sense: There is a black cow and a white cow in the field. The white cow says mooo and the black cow says yo, man.

 

My wife says it's because of stereotyping the speech of black people, which I understand but in what fucking way does it relate to cows???

 

Don't know why I let it bother me so much to be honest but I'm fuming.

 

Textbook non-medy.

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Non-medy

[dickie mint]

Bob Mortimer

David Baddiel

Shaun Ryder

Bez

[Total Longo]

Bob Mortimer?? Why?

[dickie mint]

Bob Mortimer?? Why?

 

Because I find him an annoying unfunny tosspot,just a personnel opinion.

[Total Longo]

Fair enough.

 

I love Bob, he seems like a very normal bloke. I'd quite like to have a beverage with him, I reckon he'd be a reet laugh.

[rubble-rouser]

Bob Mortimer

David Baddiel

Shaun Ryder

Bez

 

The 1990's were a bad time for Dickie

[Dr Nowt]

.

[dickie mint]

The 1990's were a bad time for Dickie

 

The 90"s were the best times mate,I just think the 4 I've mentioned have been poor for years and seem to think they"re still on the ball when really they're are shite.

[Mook]

Fair enough.

 

I love Bob, he seems like a very normal bloke. I'd quite like to have a beverage with him, I reckon he'd be a reet laugh.

 

I think Bob should be Prime Minister.

[Total Longo]

Bob Mortimer

David Baddiel

Shaun Ryder

Bez

 

What are your views on Vic Reeves then, Dickie?

[Total Longo]

I think Bob should be Prime Minister.

 

For this alone...

 

[easytoslip]

Nicola Sturgeon

[dickie mint]

What are your views on Vic Reeves then, Dickie?

He's no Micky Finn is he.

[Captain Turdseye]

Why the fuck would anyone say no to a biscuit?

[Babb'sBurstNad]

Why the fuck would anyone say no to a biscuit?

 

Depends who's handing it to you. It's harsh, but you have to take a good look at the person first before deciding, assessing their status on the scabbiness scale.

 

Some filthy bastards will actually touch it themselves, then pass it to you, which from some is the equivalent of offering a snack covered with whatever their piss soaked fingers have been delving into after their once-weekly hand wash.

 

The correct way is to push the outside of the packet, levering one biscuit upwards, so as to allow the grabber to use their own digits to take hold, without sullying any nearby biscuits.

 

Biscuit? Yes please.

Biscuit someone's about to touch? I think I'll pass, thanks.

[Mook]

Why the fuck would anyone say no to a biscuit?

 

I don't really like eating sweet stuff first thing in the morning & I was trying to avoid the inevitable 10 minute conversation about biscuits which would've followed me taking it.

 

Unfortunately I got the 5 minute inquisition about why I didn't take it instead.

 

I've just had her Jeremy Corbyn chat as well,

 

Her - ''Where did he come from?",

Me - "The back benches."

Her -  "The World's gone mad."

Her - "It's ISIS I'm worried about."

[Stu Monty]

But, as with most people, not worried enough to actually inform themselves.

[easytoslip]

Depends who's handing it to you. It's harsh, but you have to take a good look at the person first before deciding, assessing their status on the scabbiness scale.

 

Some filthy bastards will actually touch it themselves, then pass it to you, which from some is the equivalent of offering a snack covered with whatever their piss soaked fingers have been delving into after their once-weekly hand wash.

 

The correct way is to push the outside of the packet, levering one biscuit upwards, so as to allow the grabber to use their own digits to take hold, without sullying any nearby biscuits.

 

Biscuit? Yes please.

Biscuit someone's about to touch? I think I'll pass, thanks.

[Dr Nowt]

What sort of biscuit was it?

[easytoslip]

Yes like bar snacks cum fingerprint files.