The world of a woman.

[tokyojoe]

Woman I work with does overtime religiously. I asked her if she wanted to come in this weekend but she told me she isn't working overtime for the next three weeks.

 

I ask why and she tells me that she is going on holiday in 3 weeks. I still ask why. This woman has no kids but she needs the next three weekends off because:

 

Weekend 1 - she will be going through her wardrobe sorting g out which clothes she needs for the holiday.

 

Weekend 2 - this will be devoted to washing and ironing the clothes she needs for her holiday.

 

Weekend 3 - this will be devoted to buying any new clothes that have not need identified from the wardrobe cull of weekend 1.

 

I asked why she can't do this during the week and not lose out on about 600 quid overtime. She said she can't as the soaps are on during the week.

 

Also she was gabbing about weight watchers to another woman saying she wants to lose a pound before holiday even though she's about 17 stone. All this planning just to go to Portugal for 2 weeks.

Magnificent.

[stringvest]

Also she was gabbing about weight watchers to another woman saying she wants to lose a pound before holiday even though she's about 17 stone. All this planning just to go to Portugal for 2 weeks.

 

 

If she blocks out your sunlight can you get a refund?

[Captain Turdseye]

A girl my missus knows from years back has just moved into our road. She's only young but Mrs Turdseye used to be friends with her mum and this girl used to do a bit of babysitting for her if they went out together. Straight away I could tell she was thick as pig shit and not all there in the head.

 

She's been round here with her baby every other day and was already getting on my tits before she turned up today without the kid but with a bottle of wine instead, moaning about her fella. She had two glasses and was slurring like fuck before she left, only to return five minutes later in floods of tears with the kid after having a blazing row and a fight with whichever fucking idiot it is that thought it was a good idea to get her pregnant.

 

Don't need it. At all. We've got enough shit of our own going on without cleaning up after someone else as well. The fella's fucked off so Mrs Turdseye has walked her home and I'll be telling her when she gets back that the airhead is now barred from the house.

[Sputnik1]

 

Also she was gabbing about weight watchers to another woman saying she wants to lose a pound before holiday even though she's about 17 stone. All this planning just to go to Portugal for 2 weeks.

 

 

At 17 stone she probably shits more than 3lb a time. 

[tokyojoe]

A girl my missus knows from years back has just moved into our road. She's only young but Mrs Turdseye used to be friends with her mum and this girl used to do a bit of babysitting for her if they went out together. Straight away I could tell she was thick as pig shit and not all there in the head.

 

She's been round here with her baby every other day and was already getting on my tits before she turned up today without the kid but with a bottle of wine instead, moaning about her fella. She had two glasses and was slurring like fuck before she left, only to return five minutes later in floods of tears with the kid after having a blazing row and a fight with whichever fucking idiot it is that thought it was a good idea to get her pregnant.

 

Don't need it. At all. We've got enough shit of our own going on without cleaning up after someone else as well. The fella's fucked off so Mrs Turdseye has walked her home and I'll be telling her when she gets back that the airhead is now barred from the house.

That'll go down well.

[Grinch]

Woman I work with does overtime religiously. I asked her if she wanted to come in this weekend but she told me she isn't working overtime for the next three weeks.

 

I ask why and she tells me that she is going on holiday in 3 weeks. I still ask why. This woman has no kids but she needs the next three weekends off because:

 

Weekend 1 - she will be going through her wardrobe sorting g out which clothes she needs for the holiday.

 

Weekend 2 - this will be devoted to washing and ironing the clothes she needs for her holiday.

 

Weekend 3 - this will be devoted to buying any new clothes that have not need identified from the wardrobe cull of weekend 1.

 

I asked why she can't do this during the week and not lose out on about 600 quid overtime. She said she can't as the soaps are on during the week.

 

Also she was gabbing about weight watchers to another woman saying she wants to lose a pound before holiday even though she's about 17 stone. All this planning just to go to Portugal for 2 weeks.

She'll still be packing the night before too.

[Chip Butty]

My bird is a dizzy cunt, got her up the duff, she has the kid and then decides she wants to move back to some old/old friend who's alot older than her. So we move, just to keep her happy, but after a week I've had enough of her, so I start buying her wine and telling her to make chums again with her arld mate, so I can have time on me own and shoot off the boozer as and when I want, the thick cow falls for it and start haunting this couple, who am chuffed to bits with as she spends more time in theirs than mine, so much so, I've started banging the barmaid at me new local, a lovely buxom littel brunette with absolute no inhibitions, who I bang everytime me birds out of the house. As much as me bird does me head in, thank fuck she has caring ex-mates who'll take her off me hands and with the kid. Bottle of wine thats all it takes! The poor bastard who lives with me birds mate, I sort of want to shake his hand and say thanks. Best bit is, after another kick-off, she's talking about asking to move into their house, result or what! 

[Captain Turdseye]

That'll go down well.

Well it worked when I barred her mum from coming round!

 

I bottled it actually and told her I don't want that girl bringing drink round again. She agreed with me. I'll wait until the next time she turns up crying on my doorstep and that's when I'll bring down the ban hammer.

[Captain Turdseye]

My bird is a dizzy cunt, got her up the duff, she has the kid and then decides she wants to move back to some old/old friend who's alot older than her. So we move, just to keep her happy, but after a week I've had enough of her, so I start buying her wine and telling her to make chums again with her arld mate, so I can have time on me own and shoot off the boozer as and when I want, the thick cow falls for it and start haunting this couple, who am chuffed to bits with as she spends more time in theirs than mine, so much so, I've started banging the barmaid at me new local, a lovely buxom littel brunette with absolute no inhibitions, who I bang everytime me birds out of the house. As much as me bird does me head in, thank fuck she has caring ex-mates who'll take her off me hands and with the kid. Bottle of wine thats all it takes! The poor bastard who lives with me birds mate, I sort of want to shake his hand and say thanks. Best bit is, after another kick-off, she's talking about asking to move into their house, result or what!

Ha. Nicely done.

 

To clarify though, we weren't drinking wine. She brought it for herself and just started bevvying in my house. Who the fuck does that?

 

On a Tuesday an all.

[Harry Squatter]

She'll still be packing the night before too.

Absolutely. Either that or wandering round the clothes shops a retail park at 9.30 the night before.

[Chip Butty]

Ha. Nicely done.

 

To clarify though, we weren't drinking wine. She brought it for herself and just started bevvying in my house. Who the fuck does that?

 

On a Tuesday an all.

 

Manic depressive, hyper emotional sociopaths. Most people call them women, but I prefer the official title. 

[Harry Squatter]

My Mrs mate makes out her husband has a ridiculously important job. He works for some security firm in Huddersfield but commutes from Liverpool every day.

 

She keeps saying that he works 12 hours a day but only gets paid for 8. This is despite having a company car and petrol and food expenses paid for. She can't seem to grasp the concept that he isn't doing any work whilst driving on the M62 and the hours he isn't getting paid for are just his commute to work. She had a massive bitch fit when this was pointed out to her.

 

I don't get paid for my travel to work but don't expect them to pay me while I'm on the 10A.

[littletedwest]

She's not spoke to me since yesterday morning.

I was off yesterday so got up to pick her up from work ( she has a cleaning job 6-9) but then rather than go home she needs go her daughters so I go there ( she was picking up fucking nail polish). Her daughter mentions she needs some shopping so I ended up taking her to asda for 30 mins as she volunteered me to take het

I was also picking her son up from the train station at 12.

I thought I'll have a minute watching TV when I got in when she asks me drive to the shop and pick up some cello tape. I said I'll get it coming back from the train station. So now I'm "selfish"

I'd like to do it all over

[A Red]

When a bloke is over weight they talk about how much they weigh and how much they want to lose. When women are over weight they talk about losing a few pounds to get to a certain dress size. You never hear them discuss how heavy they are in stones, pounds or kilograms

[tokyojoe]

When a bloke is over weight they talk about how much they weigh and how much they want to lose. When women are over weight they talk about losing a few pounds to get to a certain dress size. You never hear them discuss how heavy they are in stones, pounds or kilograms

That would involve arithmetic.

[Creator Supreme]

That would involve them admitting they're a fat cunt!

[Harry Squatter]

There's a video going round on Facebook and Twitter of two prison officers from Walton being caught in a car together in the car park. Looks like she's just finished sucking him off and the scally filming it starts having a go at both of them when they wind the window down to tell him to fuck off.

 

Anyway, turns out that this fella is my Mrs mates husband. She's wondering what to say to her mate if she hasn't already seen the video as it's all over the Internet.

 

The conversation goes from that to a hypothetical situation of me being caught being sucked off in a car by one of the birds in my work and because I burst out laughing she's got a cob on with me and thinks I'll probably end up doing this at some point. Mental.

[lifetime fan]

There's a video going round on Facebook and Twitter of two prison officers from Walton being caught in a car together in the car park. Looks like she's just finished sucking him off and the scally filming it starts having a go at both of them when they wind the window down to tell him to fuck off.

 

Anyway, turns out that this fella is my Mrs mates husband. She's wondering what to say to her mate if she hasn't already seen the video as it's all over the Internet.

 

The conversation goes from that to a hypothetical situation of me being caught being sucked off in a car by one of the birds in my work and because I burst out laughing she's got a cob on with me and thinks I'll probably end up doing this at some point. Mental.

 

 

You can't argue with that logic mate.

[Trumo]

Someone posted a story on here not so long ago about some woman getting a cob on because she'd had a bad dream about her husband or boyfriend shagging somebody else. In reality, he was doing nothing of the sort but that didn't stop her from screaming at him and telling her equally thick mates that it meant he was cheating. I might have the details slightly wrong but that's the gist of it. It's the logic that stands out, much like in Doctor Troy's above anecdote.

[Remmie]

Someone posted a story on here not so long ago about some woman getting a cob on because she'd had a bad dream about her husband or boyfriend shagging somebody else. In reality, he was doing nothing of the sort but that didn't stop her from screaming at him and telling her equally thick mates that it meant he was cheating. I might have the details slightly wrong but that's the gist of it. It's the logic that stands out, much like in Doctor Troy's above anecdote.

I think there is a very good chance that was one of the Dr T's missus' mates.

 

He has a radar for thick women like he does rough pubs

[Paulie Dangerously]

There's a video going round on Facebook and Twitter of two prison officers from Walton being caught in a car together in the car park. Looks like she's just finished sucking him off and the scally filming it starts having a go at both of them when they wind the window down to tell him to fuck off.

 

Anyway, turns out that this fella is my Mrs mates husband. She's wondering what to say to her mate if she hasn't already seen the video as it's all over the Internet.

 

The conversation goes from that to a hypothetical situation of me being caught being sucked off in a car by one of the birds in my work and because I burst out laughing she's got a cob on with me and thinks I'll probably end up doing this at some point. Mental.

 

Is it possible she might have just dropped a button on the floor by the pedals and was retrieving it?

[Curly]

Is it possible she might have just dropped a button on the floor by the pedals and was retrieving it?

I feel I need to see this video and make up my own mind. Any links?

[Harry Squatter]

I've tried posting it from Faceaids but it won't move across.

 

If you are on Facebook it is on a page called Soundkid. The video is called power necking and it's the 4th or 5th one down.

[Total Longo]

My bird is a dizzy cunt, got her up the duff, she has the kid and then decides she wants to move back to some old/old friend who's alot older than her. So we move, just to keep her happy, but after a week I've had enough of her, so I start buying her wine and telling her to make chums again with her arld mate, so I can have time on me own and shoot off the boozer as and when I want, the thick cow falls for it and start haunting this couple, who am chuffed to bits with as she spends more time in theirs than mine, so much so, I've started banging the barmaid at me new local, a lovely buxom littel brunette with absolute no inhibitions, who I bang everytime me birds out of the house. As much as me bird does me head in, thank fuck she has caring ex-mates who'll take her off me hands and with the kid. Bottle of wine thats all it takes! The poor bastard who lives with me birds mate, I sort of want to shake his hand and say thanks. Best bit is, after another kick-off, she's talking about asking to move into their house, result or what! 

 

is this a Philly story?

[Curly]

Thanks mate. Not on fb though, so will settle for jumping to conclusions - honest mistake I reckon, confusing his weapon with the hot dog she had just bought from the cafe on their lunch run.