The world of a woman.

[A Red]

Our bedroom is on the ground floor with patio doors.

 

Being poorly designed, she gets really hot during the night and has been nagging for the doors to be open overnight to let the cool air in. Jokingly I mentioned to her that there was a mad terrorist on the run and now, despite the warm spell we're in the middle of, she insists the doors are locked.

[Pete]

1 hour ago, Harry Squatter said:

One woman in work has been going on about her wedding for almost 2 years now. It's literally all she talks about. I decided to be polite asking her a question about it thinking it was very soon but she's not getting married until next August. So we have to listen to her drone on about it for another year.

Maybe her partner will get fed up with her & then you’ll get to hear her tales of woe instead?  

[A Red]

Just had another one. Its our anniversary today so I brought her a coffee in bed and gave her a card. It just had the words "I still would" on the front. She looked at it and said "ahh thats lovely, would you really still marry me?"

[Pete]

1 minute ago, A Red said:

Just had another one. Its our anniversary today so I brought her a coffee in bed and gave her a card. It just had the words "I still would" on the front. She looked at it and said "ahh thats lovely, would you really still marry me?"

Happy Anniversary then.  

[niallers]

11 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

It's been a while, but I present to you another episode of MrsD's Measurement Mishaps:

 

We needed a new shower curtain so she orders one from Amazon, taking delight in the fact that it was cheaper for a longer one, which she bought.

 

Having taken no measurements of any sort before her purchase, naturally it was so long it trailed in the bath to the point of standing on it during your shower. 

 

No problem, she gets some scissors and cuts it by hand, carefully measuring by eye.  Now we have a short curtain too short and we're going to have to buy a new shower curtain. 

 

fin. 

Of the vast plethora of ways that this is obviously your fault, which one did she pick?

[Captain Turdseye]

I’ve bought loads of shower curtains over the years and they’ve always been exactly the same size…

[Evelyn Tentions]

13 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

It's been a while, but I present to you another episode of MrsD's Measurement Mishaps:

 

We needed a new shower curtain so she orders one from Amazon, taking delight in the fact that it was cheaper for a longer one, which she bought.

 

Having taken no measurements of any sort before her purchase, naturally it was so long it trailed in the bath to the point of standing on it during your shower. 

 

No problem, she gets some scissors and cuts it by hand, carefully measuring by eye.  Now we have a short curtain too short and we're going to have to buy a new shower curtain. 

 

fin. 

Welcome back Mrs D. We've missed you.

[littletedwest]

Found out when she takes her weight she deducts 5ib for the weight of her head. As she thinks that doesn't get fat.

She explained how she weighed her head . I've googled it and the average head weight  is11 ib so I guess she's missing 6 ib of brain.

 

Obviously I've been taking the piss.

 

[manwiththestick]

14 hours ago, Paulie Dangerously said:

It's been a while, but I present to you another episode of MrsD's Measurement Mishaps:

 

We needed a new shower curtain so she orders one from Amazon, taking delight in the fact that it was cheaper for a longer one, which she bought.

 

Having taken no measurements of any sort before her purchase, naturally it was so long it trailed in the bath to the point of standing on it during your shower. 

 

No problem, she gets some scissors and cuts it by hand, carefully measuring by eye.  Now we have a short curtain too short and we're going to have to buy a new shower curtain. 

 

fin. 

Haha, classic Mrs D.

[Mudface]

1 hour ago, Captain Turdseye said:

I’ve bought loads of shower curtains over the years and they’ve always been exactly the same size…

 

Depends on where the rail is positioned though.

[lifetime fan]

Chatting with me Ma this morning and ask her how she's enjoying Greatest Hits radio since we bought her a smart speaker for Christmas and she can listen to it in the house now. 

 

Ma: I like it but I have to turn it off mid morning during the week.

Me: Why? That's Ken Bruce! 

Ma: Yeah, he does that Popmaster. 

Me: I know, I love it.

Ma: No. I refuse to listen to it. Your dad liked it and was good at it, I refuse to listen to it.

 

They divorced over 20 fucking years ago and she won't listen to Ken Bruce as my ol fella liked and was good at Popmaster. 

 

That's some seriously next level cuntishness. 

 

 

[Paulie Dangerously]

7 hours ago, niallers said:

Of the vast plethora of ways that this is obviously your fault, which one did she pick?

That I didn't want to get involved in picking the shower curtain and said I, "Didnt give a flying fuck." which one she bought 

[sir roger]

Mate went to Edinburgh for the Springsteen concert and was trying to navigate away the next day.

Says to the girlfriend ' Keep an eye out, we are looking for a sign for Carlisle and the South '

She replies ' Don't be stupid we live in the North '.

[Lurtz]

Just watching a bit of the Great North Run. She walks in as the camera pans across the Tyne Bridge with a massive "Great North" banner on it.

 

 

"What race is this then?"

 

"What do you think? London Marathon isn't it" gesturing at the tv.

 

"Oh I didn't know that was today. I thought we'd already had it"

 

"That's the Tyne Bridge"

 

"Yeah, and I didn't know it was today"

 

Then I got accused of mansplaining when I told her the Tyne Bridge spans the river Tyne. As in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. 

[Chris]

3 hours ago, Redder Lurtz said:

Just watching a bit of the Great North Run. She walks in as the camera pans across the Tyne Bridge with a massive "Great North" banner on it.

 

 

"What race is this then?"

 

"What do you think? London Marathon isn't it" gesturing at the tv.

 

"Oh I didn't know that was today. I thought we'd already had it"

 

"That's the Tyne Bridge"

 

"Yeah, and I didn't know it was today"

 

Then I got accused of mansplaining when I told her the Tyne Bridge spans the river Tyne. As in Newcastle-upon-Tyne. 

 

 

Mansplaining = A handy word for women to use when they've taken upbrage with being corrected and don't like to acknowledge they're wrong and thus become accusatory.

[Tj hooker]

https://x.com/TheFigen_/status/1701956826168795620?t=WBu9PcSCrUE2kxN1F7lHdA&s=09

 

Won't embed for some reason 

[manwiththestick]

9 minutes ago, Tj hooker said:

https://x.com/TheFigen_/status/1701956826168795620?t=WBu9PcSCrUE2kxN1F7lHdA&s=09

 

Won't embed for some reason 

That cannot be real, surely.

[Harry Squatter]

[YorkshireRed]

Seeing this thread bumped reminded me…

 

Travelling over to Keele last week to visit our son, I couldn’t connect my phone to the car for some reason (first world problems and all that).

 

Anyway, I was making do with Radio 2.
 

The wife kept blathering on about how I should listen to Radio 4, how much I’d love Radio 4, and reeling off all the great shows on Radio 4.

 

In the end, just to shut her up, I suggested we put it on now. 
 

She then informed me that she didn’t want me to, as she doesn’t listen to Radio 4 anymore. 

[Harry Squatter]

[VladimirIlyich]

On 08/09/2023 at 17:43, Paulie Dangerously said:

That I didn't want to get involved in picking the shower curtain and said I, "Didnt give a flying fuck." which one she bought 

My Son's girlfriend is also French and a major mishap ensued here too.

They moved into a new house a few weeks back and her first thought was to try to put wooden flooring down in the spare room as a trial run. She was told by everybody in the family to get a professional in to do it,which she ignored completely. 

Anyway,one Sunday when my lad was at the Gym she phoned him in a panic as they had a water leak. He rushed home to find that the wooden flloor boards,not the actual flooring,had come up a bit so she tried nailing it down,no not using screws,but a nail and had put a hole in the water pipes under the floor boards. Bloody French. 

[Section_31]

14 hours ago, VladimirIlyich said:

My Son's girlfriend is also French and a major mishap ensued here too.

 

 

Des photos ou foutez le camp.

[lifetime fan]

We went away last weekend for my mums husbands 70th birthday. All mums kids and grandkids and all his kids and grandkids, there was 24 of us in total. 
 

She wants to get one of those photo books you used to see on Groupon made up for him with all the pics from the weekend as a surprise Christmas present. 
 

So she created a WhatsApp group and asked everyone to send her their photos of the weekend. 
 

And added Gra to the group! 

[Section_31]

Do you know the way hobits have breakfast and then second breakfast? The Mrs has morning bathroom routine followed by second morning bathroom routine. Usually while I'm in the bathroom.

[Kevin D]

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-67264932
 

On 2 January 2021 alone, she sent more than 300 messages to him.